i'm beginning to think we had the same parents ???
You did... They are names WTBTS (mother) and JEHOVAH (father) !
Nos -- You conveyed life as it really was. I haven't even made that much progress in my healing. Sitting alone during Xmas carols, being put aside during art, and now, vaguely remembering the painful Valentines day's. Unfortunately, I created an invisible friend much younger in life, and went inside myself well before the 4th grade... School was mandatory and school was punishment !
I recently ran into a current JW who moved to the area, from Bethel (since his wife got pregnent). I talked to him briefly as I would anyone else I just met and immediately realized I was dealing with a JW. I was really taken back by his lack of social skills, his totally detached demeanor, and his boyish grin (he is 36 years old). It disturbed me alot, realizing that I was looking in a mirror of sorts, although, like you, I am aware now and am creating myself -- this much I feel good about.
What disturbed me the most was when I was driving home after talking to him for about 10 minutes. Even though every conversation went toward literature and serving the needs of others, I did listen quite intently as to who was behind the mask. He reads, in Russian (we are in the US), one of the bible story books every night to his wifes stomach. His wife speaks fluent German and he is studying Russian. He seems altogether intellectually, and, I tend to agree with the unborn learning through osmosis and through the thoughts and feelings of the mother...
However, now, I start processing everything I heard... an mini-ephinany for me... This newborn has no one, NO ONE, in the world to turn to for nurturance, trust, beliefs, guidance, warmth, stability... He has NO FRAME OF REFERENCE except his JW parents and the JW people that they visit with... I got to thinking about what a "normal" childhood would be like... Friends of different ethinc backgrounds, different religions, different sexual orientation, different social status', in other words, differences.... something to build and integrate a self, a FRAME OF REFERENCE... My heart goes out to this little one, as it probably does to my inner child right now, knowing what he is going to experience and have to deal with.
Nos, congratulations and the warmest cyberhug I can give you. The work you have done is not easy, and not for the faint of heart. Thanks for sharing.