Help with Grief (page 2)

LittleToe

The following is my experiential opinion, and as such is hardly professional, but may help:

Be there, LONG after the event, and remember the anniversary
Give plenty of hugs, if they can tolerate the contact, or just hold a hand
Be responsive when all they need is a little space from folks
Be willing to let go and cry with them
As the days move on, do things with them and fill the time, without cramming it to "forget"
Expect relapses of strong emotion, long after the event
Time can heal, if used correctly
Grief is rarely quick, hence only time will help it fade
Silence can often be better than empty platitudes
Those around the griever can often by affected sympathetically

My prayers are for you all, at this time. I know it's not easy.
Every blessing.

(LT, who follows through on his prayer promises)

darkuncle29

I totaly agree with these:

What I have done was just to be in their company and keep my words to a limit. It's a time of grief.

and this is second nature:

Be there, LONG after the event, and remember the anniversary
Give plenty of hugs, if they can tolerate the contact, or just hold a hand
Be responsive when all they need is a little space from folks
Be willing to let go and cry with them
As the days move on, do things with them and fill the time, without cramming it to "forget"
Expect relapses of strong emotion, long after the event
Time can heal, if used correctly
Grief is rarely quick, hence only time will help it fade
Silence can often be better than empty platitudes
Those around the griever can often by affected sympathetically

bold emphasis is mine...

Sometimes just having a second body there is good.

That is wonderful that you care so much. With all the deaths I have had this past fall, I have found no one really has been there for me in the way I needed them to be. Thunder of course has but otherwise I jsut have felt that no one cares. What I wanted was someone that talked to me, hugged me and was thoughtful. I have felt very alone and felt I couldn't even be there for my daughter during her time of grief

Sirona

I want to say that I really appreciate all the help and advice on this thread.

Sentinel, I will order that book and maybe hang on to it until I feel its the right time to give it to her. She can read it when she is ready (or not at all....)

The person who died is someone I've known for my entire life - I'm finding it a bit difficult at the moment because my life is "carrying on" and I'm trying to be there for her (it is someone very closely related to her).

((Sheila)) sorry to hear you've felt so alone. I'm sure your daughter understands, or will understand in future.

Anyway, thanks everyone.

Sirona

scotsman

Hi Sirona

Everyone seems to have given you helpful advice. The books I referred to that you may find helpful now, and your friend later are:

Aspects of Grief, Jane Littlewood

Widow's Journey, Xenia Rose

When the Crying's Done, Jeanette Kupfermann

The fact that your giving the situation such thought and attention indicates that you're doing the right thing already in being a caring friend.

Euan

LittleToe

Sheila:((((Hugs))))

concerned mama

Sirona,

You have received excellent advice from everyone. May I echo Little Toe and remember her when time has gone by and all the fuss and attention has faded away. Everyone goes back to their own life, but for your friend, life has been irrevocably changed.

I had a really tough time when my father died 10 years ago. He had raised me and I have no siblings, and I felt very alone. I finally got to a place where life was OK again, it was just a different "OK".

I found this book helpful.

Sirona

Scotsman and Concerned Mama,

Thanks for the book references, that will definately help in the longer term, I think.

Love

Sirona

SheilaM

Sirona. LT: Thank you so much for the hugs

I also need go say that I meant more the RL people have not been there. XenaWarrior, Star, Shutterbug etc have been all that kept me going these past few months

Sirona

Sheila,

I'm glad you've not been *too* alone, sometimes its the people who are not in our family who can be there for us because they're not as close to the pain.

The funeral is next Tuesday. I think this is hitting me a bit more now because at first I was 100% focused on how everyone else was taking it, and wasn't recognising my own feelings that much.

I'm lucky to have a lot of people around me who care.

Sirona

Help with Grief

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