Remembering my Dad...

Sentinel

Today marks the third anniversary of the passing of my dad. Age 79. Heart problems, stroke, and then burst artery in his heart. One of the most painful ways for a human being to die.

Despite our disfunctional life, I remember the good and let go of the stuff that brings me sadness. He never really found "himself" and was a lost soul, wondering about. He was a WWII hero, and was shot in the head twice. He worked hard when he worked and tried many different professions.

It was difficult for him to grow old and not be able to do the things he loved to do, drive, play golf, fish, travel. It was hard for this man, born in the early 1900's, to admit "love" or to know how to express himself. As his child, I felt neglected and unloved for most of my life, only to discover that his dying words were ...."I love you all".

There are regrets, but he is gone. "The past cannot be changed, but the future is whatever you make it." I choose to think positive thoughts and I will get through this day with good feelings in my heart. He will never be forgotten.

/<

Aztec

Sentinel, that was beautiful. As long as you and others are around to remember and to share your experiences of your father he won't be forgotten. Cherish the good memories that you do have. Thank you for sharing your rememberances.

~Aztec

wannaexit

.

"The past cannot be changed, but the future is whatever you make it."

This is a very good reminder for a lot of us.

So sorry for your loss.

wannaexit

Sassy

ahhh.. ((((((((((Sentinel)))))))))))))) Thinking of you and your thoughts of your father. I'm glad you can put away the hurt and focus instead on the good. There is a song by Reba McEntire that came to mind when I read your words..

The greatest man I never knew lived just down the hall
And everyday we said hello
But never touched at all
He was in his paper
I was in my room
How was I to know he thought I hung the moon

The greatest man I never knew came home late every night
He never had too much to say
Too much was on his mind
I never really knew him
And now it seems so sad
Everything he gave to us took all he had

Then the days turned into years
And the memories to black and white
He grew cold like an old winter wind blowing across my life

The greatest words I never heard I guess I'll never hear
The man I thought would never die has 'been dead almost a year
He was good at business
But there was business left to do
He never said he loved me
Guess he thought I knew

I'm glad that you have your fathers last words of the love you needed to hear. I think many times there are relationships (mine with my father included) where we might not always hear those words.. even if they assume we know. It's special to know his last thoughts were of his love for all of you.

Sentinel

The words to that song are wonderful. I don't believe I've heard that song. Sure says it the way it was. Thanks Sassy.

I think sometimes we do tend to take others for granted. We should say "I love you" not only in the things we do to provide for daily needs, but simply because in saying it out loud, the other person truly knows how much we mean to them.

I couldn't be with my father when he passed, but there was family there. I know when he reached his arm up and out towards them and said those words, that they were meant for me as well. There is not a doubt in my mind. The aneyrism had already burst and he was in severe agony, just waiting to expire, when he used his very last strength to do what he did. The stroke had left his speech impaired, and movement was very restricted-- but what he said was clear to all. That in itself was quite a feat. His heart still kept beating ever so slightly for almost another hour, even after he lapsed into a coma. He was still fighting for life.... My brother and his family and mom could not leave his side until he was absolutely gone from them.

My dad only went through the eighth grade, but you'd never have known it. He was quite intelligent and could talk to just about anyone. He was always interested in law and accounting, which I also have interest in. He believed in doing a task right the first time and took pride in his accomplishments. He was also a great outdoorsman. I do miss him, but he was in so much ill health and pain, that his passing gave him peace, as well as the rest of us, especially mom.

/<

acsot

Those were beautiful sentiments and you certainly described them well. As long as your dad is in your heart, he is still alive.

((((Sentinel))))

Take care

nilfun

A beautiful remembrance, (((Sentinel))

xjw_b12

(((((Sentinel)))))

Very nice Memorium. Thank you for sharing.

Purple

Hey Sentinel

Touching and very honest. Coming up in a few days is my mum's 10th anniversary of her death at aged 52 from cancer of the everything. She died on my 29th birthday so its an especially hard day. Your words touched me more than you know. My mum died without meeting most of her grandchildren, not seeing her daughters blossom and grow and make something of themselves. She died not knowing how much I loved her and needed her. You are so lucky to have had your parent for so many years, good or bad! I got a bueatiful tatoo in December last year to mark the 10th year. Its a goodess with wings with her nick name of "joybells" underneath. She's wearing a purple dress of course and at last I have a nice memory to mark the day. Sorry didnt mean to steal the thread. But it touched me and I needed to say something.

Country_Woman

(((Sentinel)))

That brought memories back of my father.
He was a great man. He passed away 10 years ago (1993) at the age of 85. One week after his 85th birthday, he did fall down and broke his back (cross lesion).
I think he could'nt stand loosing his independence. 5 months later we had to bury him.
Like your father he did'nt go school after his 11th birthday: his parents did need his earnings. But he liked to learn and so he did in his "own" time and became a "self-made-man".
During the war, he was with the police (hiding during the last years and active in the resistance). After the war he started his own business as a blacksmit and central heating engineer. He was very intelligent.
We, (brothers and sisters) are carrying good memories to both of our parents (my mother passed away in November 2002)

His business is still owned by my oldest brother (now only for central heating and everything related at "hot, cold or clean air")

Remembering my Dad...

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