Break through !

by Puternut 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Puternut

  I have been df'd for about a year and also been going through a nasty divorce. My ex has the kids and they're all JW's. So my ex has been pumping into my childrens heads, that since I am df'd, they are to have no contact with me. And every time I called the house to talk to my kids, I was told: they don't want to talk to you! But I never heard that out of my children's mouths. And she refused to let the kids see me. I took it to court.

  I told her I am divorcing you, not my kids. You can df me, but you cannot df me from my kids. These are my children for pete's sake's. Just a few days ago my oldest daughter decided to walk in my studio. I was floored. I cried and couldn't believe I hadn't seen her in 9 months. I asked her for the reason of the visit. She told me she works a few blocks from where I work, and walks by my studio quite often. She just didn't want to get in trouble with the elders, but she would peek through the windows to get a glimpse of me. She mustered up enough courage that day and walked in. We spend and hour and a half chatting about all kinds of things. And we had a great time. I am still shaking in my shoes from the excitement. We hugged and kissed as we parted and I told her she would be welcome anytime for a visit. I just hope she doesn't talk to her mother about this, since she is very contolling. But I had another victory.

  During the whole ordeal while I was fighting with the court system, about parental visitation, I just now have legally every other weekend. Plus vacation time and the summer. It's on paper and it's legal and binding with all the signatures to prove it !

  The point I get from my daughters visit is this. The organization is extremely contolling, but the bond that exists between family members is stronger that anything else. And she broke the rules technically, but she knew we needed to connect. I am so proud of her, for having made that step. I know I will see more of them. My youngest is still controlled by the organization, and her emotional makeup is quite different. I hope that even though I haven't spoken to her for about a year, this new arrangement will repair some damage.
• 

  metatron

  Congratulations! (and good luck!)

  I would advise anyone in a divorce situation with kids to always 'keep one eye over your shoulder'. My experience is that

  Witness divorces are commonly bitter and no-holds-barred. They will say anything or make any accusation they can to

  get back at someone. Be careful.

  Congratulations again

  metatron
• 

  Rick Aust

  Firstly, you didin't tell us how old are your children. Secondly, If i was you, I'll do what i could to get myself reinstated, as the saying go's "talk the talk and walk the walk". Suck up to the elders and tell them what they want to hear yuo don't have to mean it, and then when your inreinstated, just cool off, little or no meeting, and of course no witnessing. Do it for your kids. It will never end. I still play the game because of my wife and kids. Its not so hard.

  I know my advice will piss some off.

  regards rick
• 

  Yerusalyim

  CONGRATS...this is great news.
• 

  avishai

  I'd sue the wts for alienation of affection. There was recently a court case where the woman was forbidden to talk to the children about their father being bad due to DF'ing, It also forbade her frome exposing them to that doctrine! Try it!
• 

  Tashawaa

  I'll do what i could to get myself reinstated, as the saying go's "talk the talk and walk the walk". Suck up to the elders and tell them what they want to hear yuo don't have to mean it, and then when your inreinstated, just cool off, little or no meeting, and of course no witnessing. Do it for your kids. It will never end.

  I'm sure Rick means well, but I have to go with Avishai and use the law. It looks like you won visitation rights! Your love for your kids will shine through, and they will respond.

  With the above advise, the problem I have with it, is the cowering to the WTBTS, playing by their rules. They would still have control over your life. You're free and your freedom from the WTBTS will speak LOUDLY to your children.. so will your love for them.

  Best of luck!
• 

  codeblue

  Puternut:

  That is really great news!!! I am so happy for you.

  How old is your daughter? She obviously loves you, she was just living in WTBS fear.

  Now that you have a legal contract for visitation rights...if they are not upheld, are you aware that you can sue your ex for witholding of the visitation rights...because she is in "contempt of the court"? (Just thought you might like to have that added legal edge here!!!) I know all about this stuff. My ex went thru this with his first wife....The thought of being brought before a court for "contempt"...makes one reconsider showing up and being humbled by a JUDGE...

  Codeblue
• 

  shotgun

  Great news putnut..gives me hope
• 

  Sassy

  The really sad thing about all of this is that legally you have a right to see your children and they see you as long as they are underage. When they turn 18 and if they are or get baptized.. that is when the cong will step in and say (if you are still dfd) that they should discontinue non essential time with you..

  I assume this is down the road..

  Being one who has had her children turned away from her because of an ex spouse, I know your pain.. I am sooooo happy for you that you got to see how much your child wanted to see you.. You got a chance to talk to her and see her heart motivation.. she chanced seeing you despite her worried of 'getting you in trouble'.. poor child.. someone has been feeding her lies that is for sure!
• 

  xjw_b12

  puternut. That is indeed good news.

  I just now have legally every other weekend. Plus vacation time and the summer. It's on paper and it's legal and binding with all the signatures to prove it !

  Just a word of caution. My wife works in Family Law, and you would not believe the hi-jinks that the parent with custody rights, will go through to deny the parent with visitation rights, the alloted visits. JWs are worse, because they consider they are on a mission from God.

  I'll ask her to post later, but be prepared. It is a victory, but there may be more battles to follow.

  I wish you, and your children the best.