Should I stay or should I go?

by BlackWolf 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • dubstepped

    I guess we should have all just stayed in the cult for our families, right? After all, going through the motions is nothing, right? Control your emotions and just grin and bear it. If the advice offered in this thread was followed we'd all still be in the cult and there'd be no reason for this forum. We'd all live lives of quiet desperation, never taking steps to find our happiness. Circumstances absolutely affect one's happiness, it's not true that we can all control our thoughts and feelings and just bury who we are. True, we can for a time, but she's done it for years already as a child and everyone has a breaking point.

    Take care of yourself blackwolf. You can't find emotional health in toxic life circumstances. You can start, but that makes it harder to stay.

  • steve2

    When you can pay your own way or have your own sources for college or work training, leave.

    But it would be unhelpful to protest or leave if you are still dependent on your parents.

    Young people often react as if they have to sort out everything immediately. They don’t. You have your whole life ahead of you. Stop reacting like you’re going to implode if you have to sit tight until you can pay your own way.

  • LisaRose

    I would stay where you will have better educational opportunities, with your parents. It might be tempting to go with your aunt, but that is a very short term improvement, in the long run you will be happy you stuck it out

  • Knowsnothing

    My advise is to go. You are pretty much an adult already, and even if you don't get into college immediately because of your financial situation, you will see a different side to life besides just field service and meetings. Don't worry about causing a rift in your family, right now the only family you really have is your aunt which seems to be supportive of your decision. You can act with maturity and not ask your aunt to take sides or present your parents in a bad light. Yeah, they are pretty much forcing and manipulating you, but they also love and care for you, and even with their warped world view, they just want what's best for you. Forgive them and move on. Your whole life is ahead of you. I made the mistake of staying too long. I had options but only just recently took advantage of them.

    I only asked about whether you believe in God because with him you can find refuge, but I also understand that you may want to take a break from all things spiritual and related to God. I did it for years. The good thing is God will always welcome you with open arms.

    I wish you the best BlackWolf.

  • Jayk

    We call this "eating the crust of a shit sandwich"

  • Incognito

    As Steve said, without money, you have few options. Staying with an Aunt while you have little money may create a financial burden for her.

    A car is often a money pit, but it also gives you the ability to expand the area in which to find a job. Make finding a job, a full time job for yourself. Once you are working and are able to save some money, you will then find yourself in better control of how to proceed. I can't recall where your Aunt lives but perhaps look for a job if possible within commuting distance to where your Aunt lives.

    Don't rush to become involved with a guy as a boyfriend now would only act to distract you from your main goal.

    Start to consider being forced to attend meetings, etc, as a temporary situation which is providing an incentive to push you forward to making necessary changes to better your life.

  • Giordano

    I hope you remain unbaptized. If I remember correctly there was enormous pressure put on you to get dunked.

    You should be 18 by now.

    Is there a community college within a reasonable drive that you can attend? If living at home for a year or two makes college possible then attending meetings could be the rent you pay.

    I think in a past post I mentioned that you should look into apprenticing. This is a blue collar approach....fortunately the trades are paying well. Electricians, plumbers often take on 'helper's so you can gradually become licensed.

    There are state funded apprenticeship programs as well as private company programs.

    I remembered that you lived in Florida so these sites may be of interest.

    Learning something while working is a healthy combination.

  • DesirousOfChange

    They really aren't so concerned about me, but more about how they appear to the congregation.

    Typical JWs. More concerned about appearances than reality.

    they are going to continue to force me to go preaching to people about stuff that I know isn't true and this really bothers my conscience.

    Have you discussed it with them in that way? Asking them to prove it's "true"? It might plant some seeds of doubt.

    if I stay where I am right now I feel like I have more opportunities for college

    Go to college. Talk to a counselor. (You don't have to be a student yet to see a guidance counselor.) Prepare for your future so you won't always be unhappy!

    Good luck, Doc.

  • WTDeserter

    Being a JW you do not have to make too many decisions, they will make (prescribe) the decisions for you.

    I do not think anyone can make this decision for you, you will have to make it four yourself. For me 'crying pretty much every day' is a very strong indicator of needing a change!

    But are you sure you have considered all your options? There are usually always more than two.

    Are you sure you can finish college if you stay? What if the next study article in the WT tells publishers 'not to pursue higher education inspired by Satan'? (My experience shows that by all means go for a higher education!) What I am trying to say is that do not be so sure you can go through with it, get your degree and job and then leave. Also do not underestimate the brainwashing capacity of the WTBS if you stay, I have former friends who are aware of the lies and know the WTBS doesn't really care about their people and still remain. It takes courage to leave, if you stay the brainwashing can get to you.

    A little while back I had a really bad job, I knew if I didn't change it would affect not only my mood, but would start nudging away at my health. So I jumped into the unknown and this jump forced me to find new ways, explore things I haven't before. The first try didn't work out well, had to change again, but now I'm finally doing okay.

    The best advice I can give you is to BE TRUE TO YOURSELF! Do not pretend to be what you aren't!

  • carla

    What Giordino said!

    I know many young people who have little to no support from family and are going to college or trade school. Will they have debt? yes, but they also have freedom of mind while doing so, they have the freedom to choose to go to college or learn a trade. A few of these kids work on campus and work as advisers to be able to stay in the dorms without getting an apartment. No, they don't really like being seniors with babysitting jobs (immature freshmen) but it pays the bills so to speak.

    There are also many great online colleges & degrees if you do some research on it.

    At some point won't your jw parents try to tell you that you are spending too much time on college/homework anyway?

    If you continue going door to door will you be able to live with yourself if actually managed to bring somebody into this insidious cult knowing what you know now?

    Lots of places are hiring seasonal workers right now, in fact I have not been in one store/restaurant etc... that has not had a help wanted sign up. Might not be your dream job but if it helps you to achieve your goals why not?

    It is not your responsibility to keep the family together and in agreement. Your job is to live your life. Part of becoming an adult is knowing that you cannot make everybody happy. Your parents and extended family have all made their choices, now it is your turn.

    Wishing you a joyful full life!

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