Would you do this to your kids?

by Euphemism 42 Replies latest social family

  • lisaBObeesa
    lisaBObeesa
    Hopefully, just knowing that I might be watching will be enough to deter them from acting stupid.

    Yep. I agree 100%. I hope I can afford GPS by the time my kid drives. Keep 'em a little safer a little longer. I have two boys to get through those dangerous teen driving years. I would like them to live to see their insurance rates go down.

    I work in a high school and I see parents all the time who "trust" their kids..

    Some of them are right: they can trust their kids.

    But many of them are wrong.

    There is only one way to find out, right? Check on them!!

    -LisaBOBeesa

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    I would never read my children's diaries or journals,,,,,,,,unless I saw some very serious suicidal or other destruction behavior going on. I am very aware of these changes , attitudes, silences, outburst so I would know if my kid was having a bad day or week, compared to something as serious as my child wanting to end it all.

    My oldest son will be 17 next month and he and I are open about very private things , things that he tells me , feelings, sex, drugs , drinking , what is going on with kids at school etc. He has had depression problems since he was 12 and he is open with me on when he feels a depression coming on. So with him, I am always watching for signs. There have been two suicides in my imidiate family so I will always see the signs now that I didnt see in them before.

    I would install a tracker on my son's cell phone or truck ,,,,,,,but I would tell him I was doing it, for his safety. I would probably do it if I suspected he was going places he shouldn't ,,,,there are alot of places that a kid driving around doesn't need to be in.

    Before I did that without his knowledge I would talk to him about it, give him a warning on what was going to happen if he broke the rules again. Or I would simply take the truck keys away from him. I can almost be sure he would get back on the straight and narrow if his driving freedom was taken away.

    My son really has alot of freedom, but he stays pretty close to home, he has a steady girlfriend and all of his friends and their parents I know. He is always where he says he is going to be and if his plans change he calls and checks in.

    I know that things could change with him in the future but so far he is a typical teen,,,he will push me to the limit at times but nothing so far that would make me have to spy on him. But again, my feelings as a parent , are that if I thought he was in danger I would rather do that , the tracking device than having to see him dead.

  • Euphemism
    Euphemism

    Yeru... I wonder if you really meant what it sounded like you did.

    The fact is, no one's rights are absolute. An adult's right to privacy can be violated if it is necessary to save them or others from serious harm. The same thing is true of a child (e.g. the examples you presented). But that doesn't mean that they "have no rights."

  • gumby
    gumby

    Let's suppose a grown man has a personal diary of himself of the last 10 years. On these pages are things said that he feels deep inside about things, and he shares his true feelins. He might say things like..." I cried today when my daughtet didn't think yo kiss me goodbye like she usually does".

    Lets suppose a daughter suspects her dad is fooling around with another woman but mom don't know. The daughter reads the diary and the dad walks in on her reading it.

    Heres the point...would a daughter have the right to do this, as her dads feels he has a right to read his daughters diary?

    Unless the diary contained possible evidence to an extremely serious situation, I don't think anyone has any buisness looking at your diary, anymore than they do looking at your arsehole

    Gumby

  • frenchbabyface
    frenchbabyface


    Would you do this to your kids?

    unless I'm waiting for him ... or got scared for his life for some reason - technologie can help (but not to spy, not sure we would stay friends If I get crazy that way )

  • Yerusalyim
    Yerusalyim

    Call me an ogre or whatever...I've spoken to a parent whose daughter committed suicide...details were written in her diary...the mom even told me she had considered reading the diary because things just didn't seem right with her daughter...but she didn't want to violate her "rights." One suicide that was quite preventable.

    Perhaps most of you have missed to statement I made that thus far I have NOT read a diary. The kids still like to bring their friends here and I'm considered the "cool parent" by the friends of my children...but be under no illussion...if I thought my son was doing drugs I'd ransack his room...if I thought my daughter was in danger...I'd have her diary (I know exactly where she keeps it).

    Kids do indeed have rights...but a right to privacy isn't one of those rights...sorry. Like I said before and will continue to say...the biggest problem in schools and society at large is parents NOT being involved.

  • frenchbabyface
    frenchbabyface


    YERU : Like I said before and will continue to say...the biggest problem in schools and society at large is parents NOT being involved.

    I agree with that but I could also agree with
    The biggest problem in schools and society at large is parents being TOO MUCH involved.
    Kids need to feel that you are confidente in them ... otherwise they don't care dissapointing you (then whatever you do as a Parent you're in trouble)

  • dh
    dh

    not read any of yeru's other posts, but i agree totally about the ones in this topic. i can't say much because i don't have any kids, but people in the west these days seem to have forgotton what it means to be a parent, they let governments govern what they can and cannot do. personally i think this is bullshit, if your parents create you, care for you, feed you, clothe you, teach you, basically give you everything, then hell yes they have rights over you, you do as you're told, and if you don't, you're dealt with, sure there are good and bad ways of dealing with things and i used to get dealt with quite a lot. not everyone deals with things in the same way, but the bottom line is that the 'right' of the parent is not something to be trifled with and it is their right, take that away and we're not people, we're another type of borg.

    dh'

  • Abaddon
    Abaddon

    I'd be quite happy to be able to use an impanted chip or traced cell phone WHEN NEEDED.

    I know my standards of WHEN NEEDED are 'overdue/missing and uncontactable' or 'have substancial reasons to suspect kid is involved in life or health threatening activity', or similar.

    I would not expect to use it on a regular, or even semi-regular, just as a safety device.

    I don't think 'hasn't built up a decent relationship with kids and can't trust them' or 'controlling personality' are good enough reasons for using such a system.

    I think some parents would use it as some extended range baby monitor, and they would deserve their kids hacking the system and feeding them what they want to hear.

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Yeru, very well said. I can see that you totally understand what I was talking about in my post , about reading a diary or journal,,,,,,,,,ONLY , again ONLY, if I thought my child was in serious mental anguish or had some kind of unrepressed boiling inside anger (as in Columbine). I too know where my son keeps things he has written and he leaves his notebook on his nightstand, all I would have to do is flip thru it is I were just snooping. But, we have TRUST,,,,,,, he respects my privacy in my bedroom , therefore I respect his bedroom and his things.

    There are too many kids , committing suicide these days,,,,,,,esepcially children, can hide the signs so well , they see the world as having no hope, the peer pressure , not fitting in, or things we as adults may think is no big deal. Maybe they didnt make the honor roll, dropped a pass in a football game, or their girlfriend dumps them. My son got real depressed over a girl one time , it lasted a few days , he was in alot of pain and I know it was real pain. But he didnt at his age realize that the pain would subside, and that there will be other girls. He knows that now and has an even better girlfriend .

    Yeru, I have read many of your post and I have always respected your parenting skills. I remember you talking just lately about alot of kids staying at your house. That is cool and you must be loved by many of them for them to feel comfortable in your home and want to be there.

    Our home is the same way,,,,,,,,at any given time , almost daily, I have kids from the ages of 9 to 20, over playing the Playstation, with four controllers hooked up to it,,,,,,,,playing that football game, and hollering , screaming, dancin, picking on each other .

    It makes me feel good to know these kids, most of which do not have a father in there lives at all, feel like they have a second home and they know we really want them here.

    Now they are so comfortable they help themselves to the food on the stove , the fridge etc. because I have begged them to eat for so long, and now they know they have a second home.

    I think because of our open home, open mindedness, our son feels he can freely express himself.
    I totally grew up the worst dub childhood,,,,,my dad was an elder, he was cruel , harsh at any mistake, beat my butt almost daily, so I made the choice to let my child speak, even allow him to show his anger . I truly believe that if I would not have been such an emotionally repressed robot, I would not have be so depressed as a child. I thought of suicide at a very young age because I was so alone, I was so full of guilt and felt I could never be good enough. I never want my kids to think they can't make a really bad mistake and not be able to come to me about , and we can do the best to make it right.

    Sorry this post is so long, but I feel so passionately about doing all we can to keep our kids happy, well and alive.

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