Dating question from a bible student

by Biblestudent1 25 Replies latest social relationships

  • Biblestudent1

    Hi, am new here

    I have done bible study for about four months now. The married couple who do it with me are lovely.

    I have attended meetings for about two months.

    Im a chatty sort and I talk to lots and lots after the meetings. A girl sat beside me last meeting and we chatted afterwards. She invited me to lunch and it was fun and we had a beer too. We arranged to go for drinks after the next meeting. Some light hearted texting during the week. I was looking forward to it.

    This morning two hours before Sunday meeting I got a text she would be able to attend the meeting but had to go home straight afterwards due to being sick. Hmmm I don’t believe it for a second but oh well. She suggested we go another day with some brothers too. I didn’t bother even going to the meeting today.

    I understand getting blown off or rejected, happened me since a teenager. Was she feeling guilty about some rule? Why bring others along? Why do brothers need to be there? I’m a nice respectful guy I hope. She knows I’m not baptized and I’m studying. Can I forget about dating until I’m baptised? Well that if I stay with it.
  • jamiebowers

    The Watch Tower requires a couple to have a chaperone when dating. Since you're not baptized, she shouldn't be dating you at all, hence the suggested group outing. Please do your research before continuing your study. You're getting involved with a high control group.

  • dubstepped

    JWs require chaperones for dating. JWs don't date outside of their kind per their interpretation of Biblical mandate. JWs only date for marriage.

    More important than the dating angle, I must ask if you really know what you're going into. Yes, you study with a lovely couple. That lovely couple would let their child die refusing blood transfusions, would never let that child have friends outside the JW group to any real extent. That lovely JW couple would shun their child, family, friends, or each other if one ever left that faith.

    Please realize that you are unknowingly dealing with what amounts to a "high control religion", a cult. We've all been there. We've all lost families. We've all realized that much of what we were taught were lies and propaganda.

    Please, for your own sake, don't get wrapped up in the cult, nor a cult member. Your life will never be the same. Do your own research with an open mind.

    Oh, and welcome! :)

  • Finkelstein

    Single JWS are not suppose to date unchaperoned, someone must have reminded her about that so now she backing off a bit as to not attract attention, less being counseled by an elder.

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    Yes it is actually surprising that she had a beer with you. And then she said something to a friend. Friend said you can't get interested in a "worldly" guy who isn't baptized yet. Better get a few brothers who will make sure he goes to meetings and who will show the narrow pathway of spiritually to him.

    You will be scrutinized about your progress, meeting attendance and future out in service moments. This will take many months. If she starts to even hang out with you, she might be counseled by the elders (leaders of the congregation) to not to do so until you are baptized.

    If you would like to know a few facts about this religion - not just the nice things but the history and practices of it - please go to

  • stillin

    My wife was quick to sink her hooks into me while I was studying. Could be that the pool of available brothers is stagnant or maybe she figured that I ouldn't know all about her like the other "born-ins." I was baptized and married within 2 months of each other. I was "low hanging fruit" and extremely vulnerable.

    Worst two decisions I've ever made.

    Be careful and don't ignore that little voice in your head that is trying to warn you.

  • Maria Nieves
    Maria Nieves

    Jehovah Witnesses are not supposed to have friends that are not Jehovah Witnesses. They are also not supposed to socialize with others who are not Jehovah Witnesses. Jehovah Witnesses view those who are not Jehovah Witnesses as being unclean. Therefore, she was doing something that she was not supposed to be doing by befriending you. To make it worse, she also had a beer with you and she was texting you throughout the week. Her behavior would be looked at as being poor if the congregation were to become aware of what occurred. She would also become the talk of gossip and criticism. I am sure that if the elders became aware, the matter was probably addressed and most likely there was some type of consequence.

    Your bible study conductors are teaching you with the goal that you become baptized. If they are aware that you have no intentions of becoming baptized, they will not continue the study.

    In your preparation to being baptized, if you already belong to a certain religion, you will have to renounce that religion even if you are not active in that religion. If you were baptized as a child, you will have to contact the house of worship where you were baptized and will have to inform them that you wish to disassociate yourself from them. The Jehovah Witnesses will ensure that you do this.

    In addition, you will have to end your friendships with all individuals who are not Jehovah's Witnesses. You will not be able to celebrate Mother's Day, Father's Day and you will have to give up your right to vote. You will also not be allowed to watch r-rated movies and everything above an r-rating. There are a series of things that you will have to give up and keep in mind that you will have to give up these things prior to being baptized. If your study conductors observe that you are not making the changes that need to be made in order to become baptized, they will not continue with the study.

    If the Jehovah Witnesses were to know that you are on this website, you will be labeled an Apostate and all communication with you will be terminated. Jehovah Witnesses teach that if you do research, it can only be from JW.Org and any other website is satanic.

    Make sure that you are certain of what you are doing and getting yourself into if you are going to continue with the study. Remember, the Jehovah's Witnesses may be nice and respectful towards you. However, how they view you is completely different and they do not view you favorably. They can not view you favorably because you are a person of the world. Do not be fooled and do not be misled.

  • Sail Away
    Sail Away

    Biblestudent1, you have received sound advice-- do your research on this site and This is a high-control group (read cult).

    I will be more blunt-- run for the sake of your happiness, your sanity, your autonomy and your life!

  • Tameria2001

    I just want to say something as well. I don't know if anyone has discussed with you their shunning practice for those who leave regardless of the situation. Let's say you get baptized as a Jehovah's Witness, get married to this girl, and then you two have children. Later on in your marriage, if you decide to have children, and the Watchtower highly discourages this by telling their members to wait till the New System of Things, or something very similar. In short, they want their members to wait till after Armageddon to start their family. Some wait, but many do have children.

    Now you and your wife decide to have a family, either it is through a decision to do so or a happy little accident. One thing everyone will be pressuring that child when they are older to get baptized. Some children are as young as 8 years old, I was 17 when I was baptized. Once they get baptized they will be under the same rules as the adults, and they can get disfellowshipped if they have done some wrongdoing in the eyes of the religion, or some other form of discipline from the elders. Without their parents with them, they will have to face 3 elders in a judicial committee. As everyone knows teens can get quite rebellious, it's normal, because they are at a life stage they are trying to figure out who they are. Now if they have been baptized before this they will have to face the consequences, and it is quite harsh. If your child decides they don't want to be a Jehovah's Witness or is kicked out, aka, disfellowshipped or disassociated, you will be forced to shun them and treat them as if they have died. And if you decide you don't want to do this, you will face the elders in your decision to keep your children involved in your life.

    Jehovah's Witness WILL NOT tell you this UNTIL after you are baptized. Oh and one other thing, they call this a "Loving Provision", so they can see the errors of their way and want to come back to Jehovah's Organization. I read somewhere that 2/3 that leaves or is kicked out don't ever come back.

  • Biblestudent1

    OP here, thanks for replies

    I didn’t know the chaperone rule. She asked me in the Kingdom Hall right after the meeting and we went for lunch and a beer so I asked her out for the following week for drinks. I’m a student, this rule was never made known to me.

    Yes I think the text was feeling a bit guilty and taking a step back. It wasn’t unfriendly but it wasn’t warm either. The sickness thing is a crock of .......

    I blew off the meeting today as I was feeling down and got a text from my instructor (the husband) was I was ok and then later he texted he was worried and should he drive over to check. Concern is nice n’all but that is suffocating!

    I attended the last seven weeks and I miss one meeting and get questioned. I thought I was doing well. I’m going to have to lodge my vacation time in advance like I do with my employer

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