FYI My JW mom and Alzheimer's

by scary21 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • scary21

    One year ago today my mom passed away. She was 91 years old. It has been really hard on me because I never expected what happened, to.have happened.

    The last few months of her life she HATED me. Yes, she had Alzheimer's that accelerated fast after two broken hips, so I expected her to maybe, someday, not know who I was. No, she knew who I was. She knew who everyone was. She loved everyone else still. Loved her two granddaughters.

    My mom hated my sister and I both, My sister still took care of her to almost the end ( five days in hospice and she was gone)

    No matter how many times I tell myself " that was not my mother" but since she KNEW me, knew who I was, I just have this small, tiny bit of resentment about my childhood that I always gave her a pass on because she was so loving.

    Now after a year I feel I can talk about it.

    I know some of you are dealing with this Alzheimer issue and I just want you to know it's a bumpy ride. No matter how much you read about it, research it , it may not be anything like what you expect.

    It is so heart breaking. There are worse things than your parents not knowing who you are anymore. I wish that's how it would have been for my sister and I.


  • just fine
    just fine

    I am so sorry you had to go through that. ❤️ Love and hugs to you, I hope you find peace.

  • Diogenesister

    Wow. I had such terrible stark thoughts...that we are essentially alone. That no love is utterly unconditional. Everyone has their breaking point. I read about a wrestler today who murdered his wife and child then killed himself.....he was suffering from end stage Alzheimer's and had the brain of an 85 yr old in his late 30s.

    I used to disapprove of stem cell research...using babes parts to help cure a disease of the old....except of course its not only the old. Then when I nursed families with Alzheimer's I realised its the single most god awful cruel disease on this planet.I'm so sorry you have gone through that....your poor mother, it would have killed her to know how she would treat her beloved babies at the end. Try to find it in your heart to forgive sounds insane but your anger is real understandable and utterly valid.

    How I hate that disease.🌹

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    So sorry, Scary21, no child deserves to be unloved. This religion is a very dark one, that does not "build families up" but actually, tears them apart.

    Do not think less of yourself. Hold your head up high, be proud of the fact that you no longer participated in carrying out the commands of the GB. It's not "going to 5 meetings" "Field service" and "conventions" that make you a good person.

    As you can see, it is what a person does, who they are that is important. "Actions speak louder than words."
    People's worth should not be measured by time on a time sheet, not "loyalty" to an organization.

    Love.... "all you need is love."

    Hugs to you and your sister.

  • scary21


    Thanks everyone for the replies .

    I'm still pissed at the JW's in Florida who would not help her. I wonder if she could of stayed in her own home with no steps, compared to her new apartment that had a step out the front door, maybe she would not have tripped and broke her hip.

    Then in her own mind my sister and I were the bad guys who took her house away and made her live in a hell hole.

    We wanted her to stay in her own home as long as possible and paid the worldly person next door( she did not want to take money) to help her. My mom only wanted a witness because she was brain washed that they were her brothers and sisters HUH What a joke ! With friends like that who needs enemies .......

  • KateWild

    Hey Sherry,

    Sorry you are feeling so emotional today and had such a terrible time with your mum in her last days.

    But vent away here. You have supported me loads in tines of need and I am here for you too.

    Alzheimers is a really terrible disease and is so hard to struggle through.

    Sorry for your tough times

    Kate xx

  • WingCommander

    I will relate to you a story that my father had of similar, except in reverse. His mother had shacked up with some guy several years after the death of her husband. (my grandfather) This new guy treated my father like crap, hated him, etc, etc. My father went off to Vietnam. When he came home, he wasn't about to take any sh*t off ANYONE, and when this guy made a threatening move towards my father, he was knocked thru the wall. Several years later, and this old guy was losing his mind, probably due to Alzheimer's. Thing was, he had kind of forgotten who my father was and their shaky past, so what happened? This guy was as friendly as could be to my father, freakin' loved him! It was truly comical. My father did right by the old guy, knowing he was basically out of his mind and clueless. But it was truly ironic.

    Point of the story: Don't beat yourself up. Those last few months the disease was running the show from the neck up. Period. Get on with life and remember your mother for how she truly was.

  • DJS


    I'm sorry you had to experience this with your mom. I understand how that can hurt deeply. My dad passed a few weeks ago. His anger (at times rage) and intentional indifference (it's called leveling) toward me all of my life - since I was a teenager - are the only memories I have from him. My mom told me shortly before she passed about 15 years ago that my dad had been jealous of me forever. I was stunned, but it finally made a lot of things make sense.

    At least you have good memories of a loving mom that you can help you through this period. Rely on those memories.

  • adjusted knowledge
    adjusted knowledge

    I'm sorry for your loss and having to go through that with your mother.

    I'm a nursing student in my final year and work at a local hospital in the cardiac unit. I've also worked in a memory care unit prior to enrolling into nursing school. Those who suffer from Alzheimer are in many ways not the same person. The true extent of damage done to a Alzheimer patient is not known until after death and a biopsy is performed. The brain literally deteriorates and so much is no longer there. I've had the privilege of attending a Seminar with Teepa Snow on Alzheimer. She is a nationally renowned dementia expert.

  • James Brown
    James Brown

    My mother has Alzheimer's. It is a terrible disease.

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