This is it! I've fought the blues all day, and now I've had all I kin stanz, I kin stanz no more! So, this thread is my official pity party. That's right, I want sympathy dammit! I expect to come online tomorrow and find ten pages of parenthetical hugs and an inbox full of loving pm's!!!!
I know I'm not exactly popular... hm... so I have decided to list ten reasons for you to give me sympathy, dammit.
1.) I just spent 100 dollars on booze for my Christmas party, and I can't drink any until tomorrow night.
2.) I work for Starbucks, in a Jewish neighborhood dominated by elderly women who harass me about my hair length and my forked beard. They also give me good advice whether I want it or not, and they tend to pinch my cheeks.
3.) I don't have a motorcycle.
4.) My wife outclasses me by at least twenty five percent on any reasonable scale.
5.) There's a beggar who has survived in my neighborhood for four years by asking if anybody has any work for him to do to earn enough money for a meal. Which means I have worked more jobs than he has and we are still about the same level.
6.) Scotland still suffers under the oppressive English yoke. If the Democrats want my ethnic vote, they've got to support intervention in the UK.
7.) My aspirations to Ultimate Evil were recently dashed by the Dante's Inferno test, which only condemned me to the 7th Level of Hell. It seems I'm bad at being good but I'm terrible at being bad.
8.) My apartment is just cold enough to be uncomfortable without being cold enough to complain about.
9.) My cats fall into two categories: Insane Garbage Consumer, and Artistocratically Dim Hair Production Machine.
10.) And, the number ten reason that you should contribute to CZAR's pity party: If you don't, I will TEAR YOUR SOUL APART!!!
