Lately I've been reading a bit about communication, and (the difference between) abusive and healthy relationships.
Except sometimes I think, what if this draw I have to Christianity is Gods way of drawing me to them? That God, Jesus love me, you know the same tired explanations you hear all the time. What if?
You ever tried to be in a relationship with someone who didn't straight up made clear what they wanted by telling you, but tried to make you do it by 'giving hints'? Or worse, they became grumpy or gave you the silent treatment without you even knowing why?
It doesn't work, does it?
Why would an intelligent, loving God use freakin' hints (like 'drawing you with a feeling') and get angry when you don't get it? Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me!
Yes it doesn't make sense, but what if the same old tired explanation of Divine Will cannot be understood by imperfect minds is true? My issue is that I always "what if" each side.
Well if we are incapable of understanding God's will, it would be quite unfair if he would hold that against us, wouldn't it? Like punishing a two year old child for failing to pass for a college exam.
Or maybe God should try harder at explaining his will to us?
It's really not that hard for him. Write it in the sky. Or make everyone hear his voice at the same time. Whatever. As long as the message is clear and available to everyone.
Imagine you'd communicate with your colleagues the same way God supposedly communicates with humans. You'd be fired within a week.
Hopefully, if there is a God, they do not fault me for not ignoring my own logic.
If he would, he wouldn't be worth worshiping anyway. And the very fact that you have no idea whether any gods actually exist, nor what they want, and may or may not punish you for being you...shows that either they don't exist at all, or don't really care what you do and think, or they do but won't punish you for it. Or maybe they would because they're like any other abuser: fault you for breaking rules they never even told you about.
Ah well, my religious feelings are long gone. They were probably already gone when I was still a JW. I never 'felt' God either. Maybe I'm the defective one :-D But at least I'm not doubting, feeling guilt nor anxious. And if whatever type of god wants to have a conversation, my conscience is clear.