Dating as a Jehovahs witness has made me PIMO
Hey, I would like to share my experience, it is kind of long but I really appreciate whoever reads. Last year I was a devout pioneer sister. Well, I am naturally an imperfect 20 year old women. I moved to a very conservative, controlling, sexist congregation. People gossiped about me because I went to a different hall than my parents, and they would say, "A young woman should be with her parents until she gets married." *eye roll*. Anyways, I started dating this guy who was also a pioneer, same age as me. And it all started one day when we went out in service together and we made a group with two other pioneers who were siblings, brother and sister, and 20 and 18 years old. This one elder, who I loath and always had it in for me, flipped his lid and would not allow us to work alone together without an older elder present, as if we were going to tear each others clothes off and have sex out in service?! Then they started making up rules about dating, which they enforced from the stage, and made up a rule that your chaperone must be 21 years or older. So controlling. Also, me and my boyfriend went to the beach alone, (at 9:30 in the morning on a secluded beach, I thought everyone would be out in service) because it is too exhausting to drag around a third wheel chaperone all the time and to really get to know someone, you have to be alone with them...anyways someone took a picture of our car together and instead of approaching me about it first, they immediately sent the picture to the elders. So much for following what the bible says. The elders took me to the backroom and tried to make a whole JC about it. I could tell you more experiences than just that. I am so over it. I wish I could fade out with my boyfriend and we could do whatever we want and take trips together and no one would care, but he is still PIMI although I've been able to change his mind about a few things. But, I am disgusted.
Sounds like the congregation I grew up in, only with a beach. Jehovah's Witnesses are sex crazed paranoid maniacs that need a hobby. Their style of dating results in horrible relationships and ruined lives. Chaperones, the foremost consideration of a person's meeting attendance as evidence of a suitable lifelong partner, etc. It's all so stupid and only serves the cult.
Congrats on becoming MO!
The local rules are beyond organizational rules. Yes, the things are what they call good suggestions, but chaperones are not definitely a requirement and the only solid rule about being alone is actually that you would be guilty of (some technical form of) fornication if you spent the night alone together. But even the harshest enforcement of the suggestions allows for publicly being alone together and riding in the same car together without a judicial matter being formed.
I would give you my opinion on continually dating a PIMI, but you are young and probably in love (or something close to it). You may know how close he is to getting out and hope to help him. So I will just say good luck with that.
Time to go to work on this guy.
ASK QUESTIONS. DO NOT try to feed him info to get him "OUT", he will just determine that you are wicked. Let him be your "spiritual head" and pose questions ending with: Does this make sense to you? or Where does the Bible say that? or I don't know how to answer this person I met at work/school/service about [THIS ISSUE]. Could it be true? (ie, child abuse settlements, UN membership, etc)
Also time to GTF outta that Cong! NOW! Before they "nail you" for something. It seems pretty clear they are gunning for you.
The best revenge is living a happy & successful life!
Thank you everyone, I don't think I can ever leave because I don't want to break my parents hearts, and I have no one else out there. I am in love with my boyfriend. And I think he might have the potential to wake up, Ive pretty much told him how I feel, I told him that I don't think the organization follows the bible completely, they make up their own rules, and that we shouldn't follow the GB as if their jesus. He kind of agreed and disagreed idk. I told him some stuff I read in the elders manual, which he thought I shouldn't have read, but agreed that some of the stuff was weird. I'm defenitly not in a hurry to get married until I know what to do exactly about my situation. I did move to a better congregation but I still see past the people at the top. I try to just view it as if I'm going to a good church now lol and worshipping god as best as I can.
How weird, I just posted a topic about dating!
got my first “worldly” date tonight, and here’s to hoping it all goes well 😊
I don't think I can ever leave because I don't want to break my parents hearts, and I have no one else out there. . . . I did move to a better congregation . . . . . I try to just view it as if I'm going to a good church now lol and worshipping god as best as I can.
I've heard that referred to as "faking it". One of my best former elder family members does just that as the Cong is the center of his wife's world. Not that she is so holier-than-thou, but it's her Party Central for social life. So, he attends some Sundays, turns in a couple hours/month and that guarantees that he's never considered for "privileges" but he gets invited along to the parties and outings and keeps his wife satisfied (can't say "happy").
DO WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU!
* sighs affectionately *
Jehovah's Witnesses are sex crazed paranoid maniacs that need a hobby
And yet the hypocrites have the nerve to call the "world" sex-crazed.
You're an adult so I won't sugarcoat. Who knows maybe one day you'll thank me and the rest of us.
You are young and still have the possibility at a wonderful life worshipping the True God in Spirit and Truth. I know personally, like so many others, how family ties can keep you "in" but yet unhappy. Think of it this way: you've presented some facts to your BF and while he seemed to agree with some (I believe he did to placate you) he seems content wasting away his life immersed in adulation and recognition from people he knows will turn on him as soon as he disagrees with their governing body gods. The GB uses "privileges" to keep everyone running in their little hamster wheel.
Will it be easy walking away from your entire social structure including your parents? No! But just remember how everyone scattered when they came for Christ. Did it hurt Him? Oh yeah, immensely! Yet he still went on to do what He said he would do caring less about who was with him. I personally walked away from hundreds of "friends" with at least 25 close ones including entire families even children I bonded with, cared for deeply, and watch grow. Yes, even my parents. God bless them.
Many of them still say hi when they see me with the vast majority ignoring me. My thoughts when I'm ignored or avoided? Sadness, because I'm free and they are not. But if they truly loved God they would forego EVERYTHING and recognize what they are a part of. It takes tremendous humility and guts to stand up for truth.
I hope you will find real friends outside the organization. Bid your time and leave. The longer you stay especially if you were a "born in" the harder it will be on your mental state later on. Take it from so many of us that have experienced suicidal thoughts and struggled. Only by the grace of God I am free. I wish you and hopefully your BF the same.