"Abhor what is wicked" - and yet JWs allow domestic violence?

somebodylovesme

Old story just came to mind as I was browsing through the Watchtower's website (because I can't sleep and I truly find it entertaining) and read an article about abhoring that which is wicked. I was never a JW - my husband was until he was 20, and is now inactive. He told me a story that just infuriates me to no end, and I have to wonder if it is common.

Growing up, my husband knew a JW family with a few kids, and it was very apparent to everyone who knew them that the husband beat the wife frequently. Mysterious injuries, bruises, very subdued and frightened woman. No one called the cops. In fact, for years, no one did ANYTHING at all. Finally, my husband's mom went to the elders out of fear for the woman's life. The elders talked to the abusive husband and told him to knock it off. However, the elders also told him WHO turned him in -- so he in turn threatened to murder my husband's mom for doing so. She shut up after that. nothing was ever done - no reproof, no marking, no disfellowshipping, etc. The family stayed around another five years or so and then moved away.

That is horrible. So, you can get DF'ed for smoking, but not for beating your wife? There were plenty of marks on her to prove it. No one was allowed to contact the police to protect the woman, and even within the discipline of the organization, nothing was done. How is THAT "keeping the congregation clean"??? Makes me so mad.

sigh. It is scary how much this could happen.

SLM

Debz

It is scary how much this could happen. It sure is!!! and it happens often.......my dub couzin married a dub....AND (get this) arrived at my door with a black eye on her honeymoon - all this was reported to the elders by me and my then dub husband. No action was taken - rather my couzin was admonished to be submissive to her husband. The violence continued over many years (about 15yrs) and reported at various times by my couzin and others to elders without gaining any support. The final decision for her to leave dubdom came when she was raped by her husband, and after reporting it to the elders NOTHING!!!! So.....she gathered the strength to leave...........Shame on them.....and shame on the authorities to ALLOW this to continue.................

RPM

Thankfully I never went through Molestation myself back when I attended Kingdom Hall Meetings with my Aunt and Cousin.

Back then I never had thought any memebrs would be Molesters cause of the notion that all Jehovah's Witnesses are good people and stuff (or so I had thought at the time).

I do remember though like at a Kingdom Hall meeting well I had brought Marker for Underlining Passages in Watchtower Magazines and Marker dropped and I remember my Aunt having grabbed my arm a few tiems as well as scratching me a few times and so forth and I remember I wasn't very happy about my Aunt doing that.

I do remember my Aunt giving me a Lecture about how "people in the Kingdom Hall are Honest people and won't steal your stuff and if anything drops another will be glad to pick it up for you and we can't have you picking up dropped Pens/Markers with where we are sitting and a Brother could probably be seeing you doing that."

I didn't tell my Parents whom weren't members themselves about this though as far as I recall.

I do however remember that Months after my Parents quit letting me attend Kingdom Hall meetings with my Aunt there was that one day when my Parents weren't Home and my Aunt was over to Babysit Us and I remember when she was telling me time for bed when my Clock was not even at Bedtime yet and ym Aunt yelled Good Night I said Bad Night and my Aunt like slapped me and shortly after my Parents were home and that night my Parents did let me stay up past Bedtime due to how I was feeling that night and I remember my Dad said he was gonna talk to my Aunt about this too.

And I know my Parents did talk to my Aunt about this.

I do remember the same Aunt whenever she would Babysit us at our House she would Blast my Parents Stereo really loud and she would practically ignore me and my Sister the whole time.

I do rememebr when we had a Family Meeting to Discuss Family Issues my Sister complained about the Stereo Blasting thing and my Mom said she would talk to her about it.

I do remember over the years my Aunt did treat me and my Sister much better although I do also remember pretty well that like when in 1996 my Parents went to the Wedding of a 3rd Cousin of mine on my Dad's side of the Family the same Aunt and another one of my Mom's Sisters stayed at my House along with some Cousins and my JW Aunt noticed the Marijuana Posters in my Sister's Bedroom as well as that Paper that said *bleep* You (I used Bad Language myself at that time) and my Aunt was like "Your Mom doesn't care if your Sister has that in her room?" and I think I said something like Nope or something like that.

My Aunt was herself Disfellowshipped from the Jehovah's Witnesses and last I checked she still believes in the Religion but I so hope she will come to faith in Christ someday.

Lady Lee

"abhor what is wicked" applies only if it reflects on "God's name" meaning the JW name. Otherwise everything is brushed under the carpet. As a person who was molested in the cong and as the wife of an elder who abused me and our two young children I can say this happens much more than people realize.

They seem to think no one sees the bruises and as long as no one talks about it then it doesn't happen - real bury your head in the sand type of mentality

Gretchen956

Abuse happens frequently, VERY frequently, in my experience. Personally it was at the hands of my parents, initially, that command to beat your children took hold with them. There were belts, willow switches, and once for me and more frequently for my brothers, fists. I was very stubborn and I resolved not to cry when my mom beat me. She was resolved to beat me until I did cry. I would look her right in the eyes and stare her down. Very unchristianlike of me. That form of abuse was actually encouraged in that era in ours and most congregations. Dr. Spock and anyone that promoted other methods were openly ridiculed.

When I married, I married someone "worldly" so when he was abusive, the elders were just a tad more supportive, but not much. My father (also an elder) along with other brothers wondered if I was really being submissive to him. They said I must be doing something to make him treat me that way. At the time I was being submissive, I waited on him hand and foot. But he had me so beat down that I was in severe depression and weighed in at over 214 pounds. The abuse was always verbal except one time, but as I have come to know later by working with domestic violence issues, that is sometimes worse than the physical and every bit as dangerous. (did I mention he was a cop?) Periodically when things got really bad (he liked to trash the house and break things), I would leave him, but he would promise to come to a meeting with me and be better and of course not believing in divorce, I always went back.

I went to the doctor, got on an antidepressant and got myself physically fit. He started treating me MUCH better and I thought maybe he was finally learning something.. Then my son said to me (when we were alone together) that he was mad because his dad was treating me that way but that as soon as I wasn't there he would treat him the same way he had done with me. That was it. I divorced him and never looked back.

Over the years I have known so many sisters beaten by their witness husbands, or ridiculed, or verbally abused, I think that its pretty pervasive. But this is all just one thing that is so horrific about the JWs. The child molestation, the blood issue, and other things are equally as appalling. I am so blessed to have come out the other side and grown into my own skin.

I am not submissive to anyone! I have unconditional love from my partner and from my son and from what family is not in the borg. And my friends are with me through thick and thin. Life is good.

And.. beings it's Thanksgiving, I have to say that I'm thankful for all of it, as horrible as it was, it has made me who I am today. And I'm okay.

Gretchen

Elsewhere

That kind of problem goes on and on because no one wants to get involved.

It's none of my business...

Oh my... she's dead.

razorMind

There was an article written in Essence magazine some years ago, by a woman who either was abused or grew up in a severely abusive family. She was a former Witness and the elders were involved many times but did nothing.

Being a dub at the time, I was quite shocked to see the article; she told it all, no holds barred. But I wasn't surprised, because my best friend's father abused and dominated their family.

Does anyone remember that article?

Buster

All the above is true - but its even worse. They don't just 'allow it', they encourage it. Anyone that has been a dubbie remembers other dubbies that believed in spanking infants. Most have seen a full-grown adult in the assembly restroom wailing on a three-year-old while everyone walks by.

In my hall, there was a big scandal where one married elder was caught with a MS' wife, apparently serving where the need was greater. During the JC meetings, the soon-to-be-disfellowshipped-for-a-while elder complained that his wife wouldn't give it up for him. This seemed to be some sort of excuse for schtupping his best friend's wife. Anyway, and this is the point, The then-PO told him he should have forced himself on his wife.

Elsewhere

The then-PO told him he should have forced himself on his wife.

Damn

Nosferatu

Yup, a lot of this sounds familiar. Being smacked for not sitting still, being hauled to the back of the assembly hall for a beating while other people looked, and then there was the stuff at home. The Troof is a dangerous place for children who have parents with anger management problems.

Then there was the manipulation, "Jehovah says to order your father and mother", "Don't do it for me, do it for Jehovah", "Jehovah is not happy when you..." For a child that believes in God, this is a very effective control tactic.

"Abhor what is wicked" - and yet JWs allow domestic violence?

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