So dissappointed with myself

by Stirred 26 Replies latest members private

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  just fine

  I always say "oh that's nice."  

  It stems from a joke I heard a long time ago.  3 women were talking about what their very rich husbands had bought for them.  The first two went on and on about the Mercedes, jewelry, trips etc, that had been bought for them.  Woman number 3 just kept saying " oh that's nice."  When asked what her husband had bought her she said "he sent me to etiquette school, so that instead of saying F-you I say oh that's nice."

  it makes me giggle when I catch myself saying oh that's nice. Hope it gives you a smile.
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  Stirred

  Splash - I generally reported less than actual hours and finally stopped turning in any slip in June.  I am afraid that if I suggest she do same, shortly thereafters elders would be at my door.  So far I have been left alone and want to keep it that way.  

  Kate - I am working on my situation.  it is emotionally difficult. i guess in this case, cold turkey wasn't best for myself or kids.  I needed more gradual fade for self, family and friends.  Those still in my life probably will stay though somewhat distanced (except family is largely leaving now since fall).  It is a process and though I am done with. Toxic, shallow, self-righteous hypocrites, it has been my life for more than two decades and there are still friends and some aspects I seem still drawn to ....hard to break and fill void.

  FayeD - yes, you are likely right about her, npbut it seems this is her usual spiel whenever we meet lately...brag, brag, brag, while scrutinizing and asking inappropriate questions and rather negative comments on my life choices e.g. School.  She was sure to point out that college hopeful child planned to use comouter science degree at Bethel....mmmmm, then let's all go to college with that line of logic- I wonder what AMIII would reply to that line of reasoning....

  in my case, I want my kids to go to college and Not to serve at Bethel.  it has been months now since moving back to old town and have no JW friends and only a couole non-JW vut we are working on it.  I am focusing on finding work.

  
  

  peace
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  Separation of Powers

  Here is a better response,  "what kind of shampoo do you use, your hair looks great!"

  Or-  "Hey, has your kid passed the minimum standard testing at school, what was his biggest challenge?"

  Or- "Do you think Brad is really gonna marry Angelina?"

  
  

  Truth is....it doesn't matter what you ask or how you retort...JWs are programmed to assess and judge immediately.  If you don't have the blank stare and the fake smile, they know that you have left the BORG either totally or just mentally.
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  Stirred

  Old Update......a few weeks later she came woth an elder and two kids to my house, only she satyed abck on sidewalk to "watch" as elder and sister came to my door to be "surprised" by my answers. Think I did okay...

  ...except I was really trying to remember to nod when it appeared they were assuming I didn't even know about Memorial and gave me a tract. I felt I was getting red again. I was just not wanting to go to That hall, and they make it seem I just know nothing. So awkward everywhere I go/went, even at last Memorial so that finally I just needed a clean break. Attendance tapered to nothing after Memorial.

  Kids are becoming sarcastic when it comes to old "friends" who say, "we've missed you!" Oldest says he doesn't miss the hall, he does miss many, but feels they really don't care about him or our family and only play lip service, He is anti-hypocrisy, pro-truth, compassionate, loves charity work that offers practical support to people. Youngest just wants to be loved and appreciated for who he is now. He seeks a supportive community that offers recognition, true friendship and positive reinforcement.

  I can't believe a year has passed since this original post.

  We've moved again. Working a bit more but still building. More positive these days. No longer feeling dissappointed, but happy with our progress in many ways. Hopeful for our future. That my friends, is saying a whole lot!!

  Not sure what we will do now that Memorial is coming up...old traditions in new way? Still finding our way and building up support networks chip by chip.
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  Iown Mylife

  Mind control and mental programming takes a long time to clear out of your circuits.

  Fear of others' disapproval - that is mind control! WT has perfected the process of molding the thoughts and eliminating confident decision-making. Their goal is to convince the members that they have no power over their own lives, and that they MUST have approval of the herd.

  I have received a lot of help here on this forum with ongoing de-programming. Also the book Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. And on YouTube there is a very helpful ex-jw named Gordon Smith-Duran.

  The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society is a pedophile-protecting CULT! They have ruined many lives in many ways. Disgusting liars. Their memorial is ridiculous.

  Marina
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  FayeDunaway

  I am so happy to read of your progress!!! If you guys are still religious, as memorial season approaches i recommend trying a Maundy Thursday or Good Friday service at a local church. It is like the memorial but much, much deeper and more meaningful. Then attend Easter the following Sunday, which celebrates the resurrection (imagine that!). I am especially happy to hear that your kids are doing well!!!
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  LisaRose

  I am glad you are doing well! I think your experiences are quite normal.When you first leave or learn ttatt it's sort of like a wound, everything is quite sensitive and it doesn't take much to make it hurt again. A year down the road you have begun to heal, you are not as sensitive, but you are Stoll , aware of it. Eventually it will be like any old would, you might have a scar, a reminder that you once were hurt, but you won't feel anything more than an occasional twinge.