So dissappointed with myself

by Stirred 26 Replies latest members private

• 

  stuckinarut2

  Desirousofchange ,  endofmysteries  and  zeb!!

  Great comments!!!! 
• 

  EdenOne

  I would reply: "Great for you. Unfortunately, I've been incredibly busy working. You know - secular, real work".

  Eden
• 

  Stirred

  Thank you for your replies.  FayeDunaway, you are so right. I made it about me didn't I? I hate this stage I'm in - So sensitive and defensive. I do care about their family but I am fed up with all the implications and out right bragging.  just felt like replying a more polite form of "So?". Just don't think I came off as polite....enough.

  I want to point out:

    1. Bible states when giving (service or money), we should do so in humility and without bringing attention to ourselves.  

    2. Service should not be about seeking glory for oneself.  

    3. I am happy and confident even if I / family don't pioneer  - we are not spiritual losers 

     4. We love our new service work at homeless shelters, soup kitchens, serving sick and elderly which gives real, practical support to those in need.

   It is expected that we are supposed to applaud, appreciate their greater sacrifice and somehow act or be inspired by their great spiritual mightiness .....I just CAN'T do it.  

  My kids are tween/teen so not entirely inappropriate that others ask them questions...but I want my kids better primed for answers.  

  My kids have become accustomed to the judging and lack of JW association. It cannot get much worse for them in their opinion, but they don't understand ramifications to us.

  Appreciate any ideas, prayers, good vibes, positive energy.....feel like I'm crawling out of a hole of depression recently - like I hit a wall realizing the depth of destruction this has been to my life, esteem, livelihood.  

  I feel raw and when I am forced to interact and it goes into a JW competitive bragfest, I just can't seem to let it roll. Wish I could just nod and smile.    

  BTW, I never was a competitive JW and never would P/AP even if I had the hours.

  
  
• 

  The Searcher

  Having ceased F.S. since moving to a new congregation, this will be our brief response to anyone who asks me or my wife to "join them" in F.S.: "Thank you very much for asking me, but not at the moment . When things change, I'll let you know".

  If they persist, we'll just repeat, "I'll let you know".
  

  What about these:

  "Don't you feel so sorry for the brothers who are lawyers for the Org? They cannot have any time for preaching or giving Public Talks or shepherding calls, because they must be working 24/7 on all the pedo cases/human rights cases/real estate deals etc. worldwide. I feel sorry for them!".

  (1 Timothy 5:8) "Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith." [disowned Jehovah]
  
  
  

  
  
• 

  joe134cd

  Yup I've gotta go with the silence is best.  No matter how pissed off you are, you have just gotta stand there and say nothing. The minute you show your true feeling the word will get back to the elders.
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  stan livedeath

  why dont you get in first and beat them at their own game-----shun them !!
• 

  KateWild

  I feel raw and when I am forced to interact and it goes into a JW competitive bragfest, I just can't seem to let it roll. Wish I could just nod and smile.    - stirred

  You have seen what life as a JW is all about. Pioneers in general don't meet their hours and wonder about aimlessly. They are bored and too hot or too cold in FS. They really aren't getting any joy, that's why they brag so much. They need to keep themselves motivated.

  Being a JW is all about how much you can do for the WT and GB. I think due to the fact you are so upset you need to take a next step. Staying in is not helping your health at all. Why don't you formulate an exit plan?

  Take care

  Kate xx
• 

  Splash

  Ask "Have you ever thought about doing the hours but not putting your form in to get the 'pioneer' label?"

  Or you could say "I choose not to put a form in. I don't like class distinctions in the congregation, I'm no better than anyone else."

  Splash
• 

  wisdomfrombelow

  Some people always brag, it is not solely a JW trait. Would it be any different if they told you that they got a big promotion or a big raise or bought an expensive car or their kids got into a top school. You need only congratulate them and let it be. If they were bragging about getting a disease or getting into a serious accident, would you feel jealous also? They are wasting their life away and are bragging about it so you should feel pity for them and not an ounce of inferiority. At least that is how I view things.
  
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  FayeDunaway

  Good wisdom, wisdomfrombelow. 

  I just realized too, stirred, that you were at a college open house, and this woman you ran into might have felt guilty about that and wanted to prove something, so that's why she dropped the P word so often on that particular occasion. 

  I love that you and your kids are doing all that real charity work now!! This probably is a hard time for them. Are they making new friends who aren't witnesses? 

  I used to worry a lot that my kids were going to have a hard time coming out of it. My oldest recently told me that she would never have gotten baptized, even if we had stayed jw's. My second, who fought leaving, is a gay rights advocate and environmental zealot and has had a boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and is very happy.