Assistance would be appreciated

by Plato 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • dubstepped

    Oh yeah, it hurts because it is part of your own identity too. That threat of shunning hanging over your head is manipulation to keep you in line. That fear of getting caught, that the thought police might find you one day. It is terrifying because of that external pressure. But then you add that internal fear, that guilt or shame, and they have you stuck.

    Again, you're brave for coming here at such a young age. There are other young ones here. I remember when I counted as a "young one", lol, but I guess since I turned 40 last year now I'm old. ;)

    I don't know where you are in your journey exactly. The site has absolutely some of the best information, taken directly from Watchtower publications, about the religion. Sites like this are good for conversation, though it helps to go in humble and asking questions. A lot of people here have been through some rough times because of Jehovah's Witnesses, myself included.

    I don't know if you ever listen to podcasts but I did one called "This JW Life" where I went through my life story. I wasn't born a JW, my family became JWs when I was 8 or 9, and then I go through my life as a JW (including as a ministerial servant and pioneer), and on to the eventual path that took me out. I also do another podcast called "shunned" where I help other people to tell their stories. So far it has been mostly ex-JWs but I also had an ex-Mennonite that was shunned. I'm interviewing an ex-FLDS member next weekend, along with some other ex-JWs too.

    There is a lot to the organization that my guess is you do not know. I don't know how long you've been looking around. They were affiliated with the United Nations for some time, something that they dropped literally the same week that they got caught (if I remember correctly). They have so many flip flops on doctrines like blood. They once deemed organ transplants as cannibalism and it would get you disfellowshipped. If you go back and read about the founders of the religion like Russell and Rutherford you'll find all kinds of crazy things. It was basically born out of the Millerites (a sect of the Seventh Day Adventists). They believed that Jehovah lived on a star in the Pleiades constellation, they had properties like Beth Sarim where they bought mansions for resurrected ones to live in. This is all factual stuff. Russell even sold "miracle wheat" and other scams. If you start learning about other religions you find that JWs aren't alone in their view of the world in many ways. I had no idea until I left. You will find that they often use an ellipses (....) in a quote to manipulate the quote and hide information that wouldn't go along with the point that they are trying to make in their publications.

    I could go on and on and on. I don't want to overwhelm you. It doesn't feel good to wake up one day and realize that you were tricked for so long. It feels very bad. It is hard to accept, and there is a grieving process like you might go through if you lost someone close to you. Some people are very bitter, some are compassionate but still very hurt. Many of us, like my wife and I that have now been out for just over two years, have rebuilt our lives and live free and very happy lives. Others here have spouses that are JWs because they married a JW, or maybe they are awake but their husband or wife is still very much in the religion. To a person almost all of us have had our families ripped apart by it. They absolutely destroy families. My dad died 6 months after my wife and I left the organization and were shunned. I wasn't invited to his memorial at the Kingdom Hall.

    I shunned my own brother for 14 years or so. He was disfellowshipped for something he didn't even do simply because he wanted to walk away and didn't want to talk to the elders and wanted to be left alone. I didn't know that. One of the biggest things that woke me up was studying books on emotional abuse, narcissism, love, happiness, and other psychological health books. I started seeing how manipulative things were in the religion, and how I was being used to psychologically manipulate my brother to try to get him to come back. He was a happily married man living in another state, living a good and upright life, but because he was disfellowshipped and labeled as that he would be labeled forever even if he changed his life around, all because he didn't want to be a JW anymore. I reached out to him and apologized for manipulating him in that way through shunning. He accepted me and I accepted him. I was shunned by my parents for doing so. My wife was shunned by her family for doing so. We were still JWs in good standing. Six months later, after much study and looking into the organization, with our families shunning us for one decision we made after so many years of faithful shunning, we realized that love was not the identifying mark of Jehovah's Witnesses. Rather, it was control. Control is not love. We disassociated and got the name of the organization off of us so as to be truly free to live our lives.

    We've learned so much in these last two years. We were lied to in so many ways by the religion that we gave everything to.

    Anyway, I need to get off to bed as it is late here and I have to work tomorrow. I envy your youth and how brave and awake you are for that age. The one thing I don't envy is that it puts you in a very tough position at an age where you still have so much maturing to do and this is something that is very hard to handle, even though you seem very intelligent and like a good person.

    Later my new friend,

    Mike (I can use my real name because I'm free and don't have to hide anymore. That isn't true for most.)

  • cleanideas

    Hi, just wanted to say welcome to the forum. Yes I totally know what it's like to be scared to come on here. I was terrified when I first found this place, but it's filled with kind people who only want to offer help or suggestions. No matter what you choose to do you'll be supported. for me really helped a lot. Take it slow and go at your own pace on what you're comfortable with. I now have my freedom and kind of feel a little silly that I used to be so scared just to research my own religion. That for me shows how controlled I was. Why should anyone have to be afraid to simply reach out to understand their own religion better?

    Best of luck in your search, I'm sure you'll be very successful no matter what path you choose in life. :)

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Here is the key to your lack of dissatisfaction: "My dad has the incredible feat of being an elder and having a PhD." You were raised by a man who thinks for himself I am sure. He has found some intellectual satisfaction in the WT thinking. In time it will wain I am sure. He has obviously allowed you to express your feelings and to think. It seems it will work out if he continues to reason on what is really happening in the WT organization. It is crumbling with such silliness its deplorable. Once he sees through the false face of WT he will also question the pseudo-intellectualism of the "the TRUTH". Look into the Australian Royal Commission's investigation into child abuse in the WT. Even a GB member lied during testimony. Don't miss it. Look on YouTube.

  • Diogenesister
    What country starts medical school at 17?

    He can be accepted provisionally provided he gets the grades he is expected to.

    It depends what month he is born, as he can be just about starting to take his ( for example GCSE A levels in the UK )around Now if He turns 18 between now and September 1st.

  • menrov

    Welcome. You can use this site for your info but I suggest to also have a look at:

    Good luck with your journey.

  • tiki

    I wish you the best in your journey! You come across as highly intelligent and not afraid to think critically. Relish your education and use it to enhance your life and make life better for all whose lives you touch.

  • Fred Franztone
    Fred Franztone

    I'll tackle this point since it's been ignored by everyone else. I've never met an atheist who wasn't aware of the teleological argument, putting aside those who are atheists simply by apathetic default. The teleological argument has been moribund since the time of Darwin, preserved by creationist charlatans, and these days it clings on by a fingernail with hollow god of the gaps notions like fine-tuning. I think we can all see where this is going, given the past record of science vs theology.

    As for the Summa Theologica, perhaps theists ought to consider reading something written more recently than the dark ages. Nothing in that text holds weight today, it's a series of bold assertions, backed up by nothing. Aquinas seems to get a free pass which no one deserves, it's about time it was revoked.

  • Doubting Bro
    Doubting Bro
    May I ask you how it is to be PIMO?

    Not fun! Certainly the people in the congregation have pulled away from us, so there's not much socializing. I'm pretty sure many realize I don't believe because I never comment, never talk about JW things at the kingdom hall and I'm sure give off the body language that I'd rather be anywhere else. I don't recommend it as a long term strategy. Especially if your immediate family won't shun you.

    Well, here is the thing: he has been incentivizing me and my sister this whole time to go to uni! He comes from a difficult background and he recognizes the value of education. All the family was very happy with my approval to study Medicine.

    That's really awesome! Good luck in your studies!

  • Giordano

    There is some wonderful information you have received. A lot of thoughtful comments and advice from this so called apostate web site..... and yes we have the occasional ass hole who has no original ideas. And we do have people that have lost their families who are still pissed off.

    I am a 74 year old ex JW who along with my pioneer wife left the so called 'truth' some fifty years ago. The blood ban and Armageddon.

    Having said that my past held only pleasant and friendly relationships in the JW world. I pioneered after high school, where the need was great as we called it in the late 1950's early 1960's. I held down three key positions in our small congregation. Gave my one hour public talk through out our circuit.

    Many JW friends where I grew up hour from the NY Bethel ( a place I had no desire to ever serve in) and we partied a lot.

    I pioneered when I was 17, married when I was about 20. No higher education........ so I applaud your Dad and you for understanding the importance of higher education.

    I was a reader however....... so I guess I am self educated.

    Retired at age 60 and continued to serve as a community volunteer for the past 20 years.

    Stumbled onto this site 6 years ago........ read a couple of posts and said to myself 'Holy crow I know exactly what these folks are talking about even after 4 or so decades'. I just found my lost tribe!'

    I am not going to discuss the wrongness about the JW theology. Their blood ban, Armageddon or their problems with pedophiles who enjoy the comfort of their 'two witness' rule.

    You need to look into this religion for yourself so Google the ARC and history of JW's and do your own research.

    Continue to think and research....attend to your medical training. Refrain from getting into anti JW discussions with family if they are not ready for the truth about the 'truth'....nothing you say will be accepted.

    Keep in mind that being a JW means you are in a controlled relationship with your family and JW friends. Your greatest danger will come from close friends and family that will turn you into a Judicial committee.

    Make sure your computer or smart phone etc. is secure (deleted) and that you can visit here without a concern.

    Right now as you explore these conversations do keep in mind that we are all on a private journey. Some miss their JW experience, some still believe in a God and his Son. Some struggle to make sense out of the world without a personal Jehovah.

    But I can assure you if you add up the years we spent in service to the WTBTS there is a thousand years of experience for you to draw on.

    No need for you to make any sudden choices. Stay close to your family, study hard. If you think you will eventually leave the JW world make sure that if you develop a relationship a JW that she is a casual witness....... someone who can see there are other options.

    I was very fortunate to meet that kind of 'sister' she was more then happy to leave when I said it's over for me.

  • eyeuse2badub

    Knowing now what I now know from decades of real life experience as a born-in jw, if I were you i would run like hell now! I had the opportunity to go to college but turned it down to pioneer and give my life to the wtbts. What a fu*king mistake! Decades of chasing the proverbial "dangling carrot".

    Get a life!

    just saying!

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