My name is Joel I was raised as a jw, dunked at tweleve years old df 'ed at 17, 19, & 21 and then back in at 24 my father was an elder, my mother was the perfect model of subjection. Four times a week we would all put on our smiles and go to the kingdom hall the book study and out in service. Dressed impecably, and always well prepaired, All seemed as it should be, but at home things were crazy.
Im sure that my experance is much like many of yours. I have been inactive now for almost nine years and only in just the last few months have I started to see what a huge effect my upbringing has had on me, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. You see I thought I could just walk away, Walk away as if it were a church, every where I went it came with me, from the time I got up to the time I went to bed, If I went on vacation it would come too. What is it? Its fear, its worthlessness, its knowing that I'll never live up, its shame, its guilt, its selflothing. And its not mine anymore! All those feelings were given to me, they did not come from within a perfect child of God/dess. So I will give them back now, I have no use for them anymore. I was the victum of my parents obsession, my whole life I took those feelings on as my truth. Through all the shunning, all the beatings, all the put downs, all the isolation, through all of it, I never blamed the jws, I did'nt even get mad. I came to this site looking for info on deprograming and when I started reading I got pisted, anger flooded over my whole body. For the first time my anger was in the right place, "Its was on them" not on me.
Thanks for a safe place to dump!