I want to ask her out...

by DanTheMan 124 Replies latest jw friends

  • Stacy Smith
    Stacy Smith

    A lot depends on what you're looking for Dan. If you want a genuine relationship with her then Xena and others offered great advice. Smiles, being a gentleman, all that works. I've always been attracted to polite confidence. If all you want is to bed her and spread her then use a very forward line.

    Gadget if it's a friend they you need to cowboy up and ask her out. Doing lunch together is common for a first date and gives you an opportunity to talk about common interests. Now if you have already reached the friend stage a woman might find a little nervousness charming even so don't worry about it. The worst that will happen is she will politely decline and you'll survive. I have never been nasty to a guy that asked me out unless they keep asking me out over and over. Then I'll make them cry. But I have guy friends that ask me out and I can't think of a single time I've tried to hurt their feelings.

    Oh and we can tell if you are trying to be someone else. That none of us find charming.

  • Nosferatu

    I'm with Gerard on this one, but I'm going to expand a bit....

    I've dated many women, so I'm going to tell you what has worked for me. First of all, you need to build some rapport with her. You can't just go up to a stranger and ask "Do you wanna go out with me??" Go up to her and start a conversation about ANYTHING. Then, move the topic onto her. Talk about her. Also, don't worry about offending her. Women LOVE to be teased. Bug her about one of her personality quirks, the color of her binder, how she chews her pen, but you have to make it funny. Tease her like you would tease your little sister. It'll make her feel comfortable around you.

    How to ask for the number: Just tell her "Hey, I gotta get going, but I'd like to continue our conversation. Why don't you write your phone number down for me, and we'll go out for coffee?"

    This is the best way to ask a woman out. Don't get her number because she'll never call. Don't ask her out right on the spot if you're not good at building rapport with women. Also, do your best not to sound desperate. When you ask her, make it sound as if it doesn't matter if she gives you her number or not, because you have the ability to go out and get any woman you want. SHE's the one who has the opportunity to go out with a great guy like you, not the other way around. She should be so lucky!

    Let me know if you get her number, and I'll give you tips on calling her and actually asking for the date.

    edited to say: You cannot jump into a relationship. You have to have a short-term relationship before you enter a long-term one. For now, just focus on dating.

  • Mulan

    *waving back at Tracy*

    *waving at Mulan* of COURSE you agree with me...I think we were sisters in another life.


  • cruzanheart

    DO NOT LISTEN TO ELSEWHERE!!! There. That's my advice.

    Seriously, when Big Tex and I met, conversation just kind of started and kept going (and 22 years later it's still going on). If it's meant to be it will happen naturally, though, of course, you DO have to kind of start it off by saying "hello" and making conversation. Take it one step at a time, and DON'T LISTEN TO ELSEWHERE, and you'll be fine. I think asking her out for coffee or lunch is a great idea, and please remember that if YOU ask, YOU pay. That's always a good rule of thumb, and if she wants to pay for her half, she'll speak up and say so. Some women feel that way they aren't obligated to the guy and it can just be a friendly lunch/coffee. Just be yourself, because if she doesn't like who you are, what's the point?

    And did I mention DON'T LISTEN TO ELSEWHERE?

    Good luck and keep us posted!


  • Nosferatu
    I think asking her out for coffee or lunch is a great idea, and please remember that if YOU ask, YOU pay.

    Cruzanheart, you've just opened a can of worms. I always hated this "rule". In all fairness, if the woman has any respect for a man she's dating, she should at least pay her own way. I personally didn't like spending a shitload of money on a woman that I would only be dating for a month or two, no matter who asked who out. It's a waste of money in my opinion.

    It was nice where my dating life got to a point where I would attract the woman enough where she would offer to pay for everything. It's interesting to see typical roles get reversed. Women were the ones offering to buy me drinks, and I wouldn't turn them down.

    When it comes to paying, just let things flow naturally. If she wants to pay for herself, let her do it. If she shows up with no money, she's looking for freebies. If she lets you know ahead of time she has no money, she's giving you some respect. If she pays for everything, she wants to f*** you. Handle it as it comes. I normally didn't offer to cover for her half, unless I was really looking forward to the activity we had planned. Sometimes I would make alternate plans if she didn't have enough money. Just play it all by ear and you'll do fine.

  • czarofmischief

    Get drunk and talk religion, have sex, then talk religion some more. It worked for my czarina and me!

    My only assumption is that women like complicated men.

    Of course, the czarina is a magical creature from another dimension, so maybe it doesn't apply to earth women.


  • Xena

    You ask me out..you pay for me...I ask you out..I pay for you. don't like it...don't ask

    I tend to offer to pay my own way most of the time because I don't like ot feel like I "owe" anyone anything...but if you EXPECT me to pay...uummm see ya!

  • Nosferatu
    My only assumption is that women like complicated men.

    Very true czar! They like men they can't figure out. They like the mystery and the challenge of it all.

    You ask me out..you pay for me...I ask you out..I pay for you. don't like it...don't ask

    ...but what happens when you really like a guy, Xena???

  • Robdar

    Dan, you are too old to be my son but I will give you the advice I gave him when he wanted to start dating but was feeling shy: Men and women, for the most part, are programmed to find each other attractive. If we weren't, the human race would have long been over. Put your shyness away because this woman will probably find you attractive. It's true, you know so, don't complicate matters by worrying.

    We will forego the flirting techniques that I shared with my son and get to the point: Look her in the eye, smile and ask her for coffee. Then come back and tell us how it went.

    Good luck,


  • cruzanheart

    Nos, I know it's a BIG can of worms! However, I'm giving you a woman's viewpoint, which is the creature we're talking about asking out. Now, if she is the honorable sort, or just wants friendship, she will offer to pay her way (and back it up). I think it's a good gauge as to whether she's really interested in a relationship or not. And, conversely, if she invited him out for lunch, she should be prepared to pay for both of them. I think that's just common courtesy.

    Once upon a time, a friend of mind invited me to dinner (he was going off to Bethel) with the words "I want to have dinner one last time with you." Now, I'm no dummy and I knew this guy really well, so I took money with me, even though to me it sounded as though HE wanted to TAKE me to dinner (i.e., pay). Well, turns out he invited five other girls, so there were six of us and him, and we ended up paying for HIS dinner. I have pictures to prove it. I still found it cheap and annoying of him. Oh, and he hasn't changed a bit. We still shake our heads over his con artistry.


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