"Confidentiality" of Elders!

by stuckinarut2 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • truthwillsetyoufree

    Confidentiality does not exist if you are gay or suspected to be so.

    I was 17 and struck up a friendship with a guy who had recently been disfellowshipped and then reinstated because of being gay. soon after an elder approached me to warn me of the dangers of this guy and to be careful because he had recently been disfellowshiped for being gay. it didnt bother me - and noone knew i was gay back then, not even myself. two weeks later a different elder approached me saying the same thing! I told him I already had an elder tell me about this guy. The elder seemed shocked that i had already been told. I didnt think much of it back then but i was told details of why someone was disfellowshipped by elders on 2 seperate occasions about judicial information that i shouldnt have been told.

    Anyway, i probably should have listened as there was a bit of scandal between me and this guy.

    forward a couple of years and im 21. I have now been privately reproved twice for being gay. But at least noone jnew about it. I was then told by a publisher in confidence that elders had informed most of the young single brothers, especially those in their teens and early twenties, to limit their association with me, not to find themselves alone with me in a car or at home etc etc - this is despite my exemplary service of serving my english congregation and suporting 3 polish groups at the time. I didnt want to belive it. The elders surely wouldnt have indulged my information about my being gay to other youngsters like they has done to me about that guy a few years back? but then i overheard someone talking about how he had been warned away from another young brother who was SUSPECTED of being gay.this poor brother was in his late teens and very camp, but had never done anything wrong and in fact fought tooth and nail to get baptised despite his opposed dad. Yet young guys were being warned away from by the elders just in case. So It was true! The confidentiality in my case had be broken, just like the guy before me.

    As a side note i became inactive shortly afterwards. i had an elder visit me every so often, an elderly chap who only ever popped by for an informal how are you doing chat which was nice. but he used to fill me in on all the sandals going on and who had been doing what!

    From my own experience in my congregation when it comes to gay men confidentiality goes out of the window.

  • stuckinarut2

    The amount of "confidential" stuff I have been told by elders in years past when I was a full on witness!

    I know some really deep things about ones in the local congregation! It's sad to be aware of their personal things....

    Seriously, even back then I would think, and sometimes say to the big mouthed elders: "are you sure you should be telling me that about that brother"? The answer one elder said :"oh it's ok, you are a friend of mine, and you are a spiritual man"

  • kairos

    Th elders are not shepherds. They are self-important, self-appointed cowards that thrive on what little imagined power they think they possess.


    I'm looking forward to a face to face meeting between them in the community. They think they are frightened now...

  • 2badsosad

    They are generally men who in any other part of life who have no responsibilities or authority whatsoever. But in this aspect, they have total control over others lives. It's so f'd up.

  • Vidiot

    kairos - "The elders are not shepherds..."

    Sure they are.

    Shepherds eat sheep all the time.

  • stuckinarut2

    I ran into an elder who I knew years ago in another part of the country the other day.

    He doesn't know I have been inactive for several years (and I didn't mention it)....but within a few minutes of small talk and catch up, he starts telling me juicy stuff about ones we used to know!

    I was friendly, but firm and said, "oh we probably shouldn't talk about them behind their back. Its not Christ-like to do so" and changed the subject...

    So the ingrained culture of gossiping is strong in the society....

  • OrphanCrow

    Stuckinarut, you make a valid point about the difference in how 'sins' are treated by the elders.

    They will go to court, and to the ARC, and insist that if someone is found guilty of child abuse in their JC, that they MUST keep that information confidential.

    And yet...on the other hand, if someone is found guilty of apostasy in their JC (or maybe even just suspected of that grave sin), they will shout it from the rooftops. They will mark the homes of apostates as DNC and they will prohibit family members from speaking to them.

    Child abusers? Neh...even if they are convicted child rapists, they will be groomed for entry into the JWs or re-entry into their cult post-incarceration. They will visit them in jail and even baptize them while in jail. But it is a big no no to warn anyone in the congregation (unless they are the elders' wives and children). Confidentiality, you know

    But watch out for those apostates. Gotta warn everybody about them

  • Londo111

    This reminds me of the Bunker videos and how everyone sat around and gossiped about Kevin.

    "We tried to help him, but..."

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