Feeling the Guilt

by Saethydd 20 Replies latest jw experiences

  • steve2
    steve2

    It can be helpful to realize that, as difficult as your situation is, it is not impossible to bear, regardless of how it all feels at the current time. You know that living at home with your JW parents is not "it" for good and that, with planning you will leave and achieve a level of independence in which you can provide your own financial support.

    You are in what I'd call an "in the meantime" situation: Before you reach the goal of leaving home, there are some things that you need to either do or bear - and as hard as it seems, there is no other viable course, given you no longer believe JW organization.

    Keep in mind, too, that, in one form or another, other religious groups impose strict conditions on their youth - and some such as Islam even stricter conditions that outlaw leaving the religion upon pain of dire consequences in the here and now. This comparison is not intended to minimize your pain, but to help you bear it more skilfully whilst you prepare yourself for life away from home and the kingdom hall. Separating from parents can be difficult at the "best" of times and is all the more difficult when you decide you do not want to follow the path your parents have set for you. This is the stuff of life - it is normal to wish it were not this way, but it is helpful to acknowledge that for untold numbers of young people the world over, it is part of the process of growing up and taking responsibility for themselves.

    Become clearer about what you want your life to stand for and make plans towards any goals that can help you.

  • Tallon
    Tallon

    Saethydd

    Some excellent advice has been offered and I'd encourage you to implement what you think will assist with your situation.

    There is an old adage which I think sums up what everyone has already stated:

    'Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes'

    The only way out of this situation is to take action!

    I wish you all the best with whatever decision you make.

  • Chook
    Chook

    It reminds me of the Taliban, you can only stay in our community if you support our jihadists, Your free to leave but only in a box. If your family will only support this crazy fundamentalist view of Christianity you have no choice but to leave or participate in their beheadings. At the moment you have been beheaded, even a beheaded chook knows to run.

  • Saethydd
    Saethydd

    Thanks, I appreciate having some support through all of this, and I'm just sorry that the average JW will probably never know what kind of people you really are. Instead, they will forever think of you as "wicked apostates" that want to mislead them.

    I was already applying some of the practical advice given here, but all the same, I appreciate that you took the effort to relay it. Additionally, it helps me to feel a little more at ease with the plans I already have in place.

  • pbrow
    pbrow

    Please remember, you are not abandoning your family. It is the other way around. They have trained you well.

    I envy you because you have managed to see thru the bs long before I did. Plan your getaway, tomorrow is coming. It will be difficult to leave because starting to be truly self reliant is not easy but it is worth it.

    pbrow

  • zeb
    zeb

    "Yesterday, my mother rode with me to the meeting and told me how much my best friend and my oldest sister are

    missing me"
    Translation: Your mother is being pestered by the other wt mothers (aargh!) to get you along. If friends (!) are missing you why aren't they dropping around to visit you? I get that .." we haven't seen you in ages.." my answer is the same "Still live in the same house."

    Guilt is correct the wt thrives on FOG fear obligation and Guilt. and Finkelstein has made a good observe too and Blondie as ever makes a for good advice; find a counsellor.

  • S K Ditta
    S K Ditta

    Thanks, I appreciate having some support through all of this, and I'm just sorry that the average JW will probably never know what kind of people you really are. Instead, they will forever think of you as "wicked apostates" that want to mislead them.

    I was already applying some of the practical advice given here, but all the same, I appreciate that you took the effort to relay it. Additionally, it helps me to feel a little more at ease with the plans I already have in place.

    These are words of a thinking person with constructive thoughts.

    May I say, please try to be of help to your parents where possible...An act of kindness to them, sometimes spontaneous?

    I see, as a new person here, people do listen.

  • smiddy
    smiddy

    These are words of a thinking person with constructive thoughts.

    I agree ,you have a head on your shoulders and you should be OK in whatever decision you go with .

    I wish you well in whatever your plan is so long as you dont do anything stupid LOL

    Just take care

  • problemaddict 2
    problemaddict 2

    My humble suggestion since you are so young is as follows. Try to remember that the way you think and feel NOW, is not the way you may think and feel as you get older. You have figured out that the organization is bunk. Good for you! You are way ahead of the game.

    But so that you have the best way of retaining your family, and not living with strife and anxiety, I woudl say go along to get along currently. Get reinstated, and as you get older (how old are you), you can make your life your own. Don't be in a rush to leave, educate yourself vigerously, and plan your life NOT worrying about this silly religion. Once you have the motive, self confidence, and plan to enact your life.....the elders and the entire system will just sort of fall away as silly to you. You can speak to your parents and siblings on their level.

    Don't lose your family. Don't be rash. Try to think LONG term. Today is just a day. Its early in your life. BE PATIENT. EDUCATE YOURSELF.

    May I ask how old you are, and the basic reason for disfellowshipping? (no real details needed).

    Take care!

  • fulltimestudent
    fulltimestudent
    Saethydd : Thanks, I appreciate having some support through all of this, and I'm just sorry that the average JW will probably never know what kind of people you really are. Instead, they will forever think of you as "wicked apostates" that want to mislead them.

    So ...?

    What it our former friends want to see us as "wicked." There are some 8 million JWs in the world, (a tiny fraction of humankind) who will one day either change or fade out of existence. They may have been important to us in the past, but do not belong in our future. Disregard them - they no longer matter, as their 'truth. has been proven to be 'false.'

    Gradually make new friends, as you identify worthwhile people who may become friends for life.

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