Cheating

by sandy 29 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  bikerchic

  Sandy it's werid that I would see this thread this morning and I don't know you or the circumstances totally with your X, but I have to say from my own experence with my X when I read these words I felt nauseous:

  The other day when we were talking he apologized for all the a-hole things he did while he was with me. He said things would be different if we got back together. During our time apart he realized how much he loves me and how good I have been to him. And a whole bunch of other nice stuff that just made me feel even more guilty about cheating on him last year.

  My X said the very same things and because I had longed for so many years to hear him say them, I let my emotions get in the way and we got back together. Four years I regret giving back to him. In hind sight I wish I would have given him ample time to prove to me that he really would be different, he didn't change at all which proves to me you can't change the spots on a leapord.

  I am not the person he thinks I am. I think I owe him the truth so he can decide if he still thinks I am such a great person.

  It's your life Sandy, you know him best and if he's not a manipulative person he might be sincere, and I can see why you would feel guilty about cheating on him. It's your call, one part of me says he deserves to know that you are the cheating kind before he decides to go back with you. The other part of me says, don't ask don't tell if you can live with the guilt.

  I wish you the best whatever you decide.

  Kate
• 

  Maverick

  Hey babe don't be fooled, you can't go back! You have history and it ain't good history. Write a new chapter in your life with someone new! Maverick
• 

  simplesally

  Like Blue Sapphire said, Don't tell. She's right, especially if the guy has "a$$-hole" tendencies. He will throw it in your face later and he might even use it as an excuse to do it himself later on.
  
  As a JW, we weren't supposed to watch rated R movies. I watched Schindler's List. My ex used that for an excuse to watch all the rated R movies he wanted to ---- claiming that "Well, you're a pioneer, you watched a rated R movie once. What's the difference?"
• 

  sandy

  Wow, with all my drama the past couple of days I was thinking of telling my ex i cheated. I re-read all these posts and realize I still shouldn't tell him.

  Thanks Again!!!
• 

  wednesday

  No, i don't believe i would tell him if it were me. U may have some desire to get even with him for being such an "a-hole" , but as several people have said, he'll only use it against u later. (maybe as an excuse to cheat himself) Also, didn't u say u were just 2 months into the relationship? That is not very long. It does not making u "the cheating kind", words i find mean spirited. And even if u had been in a very committed relationship, well, it can happen. As far as getting back together, think long and hard about that one.

  The thing about telling, JWS beat it over your head that u must confess to everything. U do not have to. U made a mistake. People have affairs when they are not getting what they need out of their relationship.It is a symptom that something is wrong. Telling may make u feel better for a whilel(confession good for the soul thing), but it can be selfish too.

  I'd reflect on why u did it, so it will not happen in your next relationship.

  take care and don't strap on any scarlet A"'s.
• 

  frankiespeakin

  Sandy,

  I agree with a lot of this good advise about not telling him. Sandy stop feeling so guilty what you did isn't really that bad(it only bad in some peoples eyes),,many people have done what you did and go on with their lives not feeling guity look at things a little more phylosophicly.
• 

  bikerchic

  *knocks sandy on the side of the head*

  Nope don't tell him, for gawds sake he is you X......why would you want to give him the satisfaction? Probably you really still want to hurt him, but in the long run you are the one who will get hurt. Women always come out on the losing end of this one....it's a good 'ol boys club out there ya know! Sad but true that double standard is alive and kicking.

  Kate
• 

  stillajwexelder

  so to turn this around - if you had been cheated on (by a partner -boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband) would you want to know.

  I WOULD
• 

  confusedjw

  I've never cheated and never been cheated on (I'm pretty sure )

  Bury it and bury the shovel.

  Did you hear that?

  Bury it and bury the shovel.

  And yes if my wife had cheated on me and felt guilty and loved me and decided to stay with me I don't think I would want to know. I know that right now I"m very happy with her and would be affected to know she had ever cheated. I want MAX happiness. So without implying permission....bury it and bury the shovel.

  You made the mistake you bare the burden alone.

  That's it, that's my advice
• 

  jwbot

  If you have no plans on getting back with him. Do NOT tell him. Move on, he will move on.

  If you and him want to get back together, he SHOULD know. He should know so he can decide for himself. Tell him and tell him the only reason you are telling him is so that he knows you will be completely open and honest with him.

  If you do not plan on getting back together with him, there is nothing for him to decide. Telling him is just going to hurt him more and I can not see any other reason to tell him than to hurt him. I did this before. I broke up with a boyfriend then later told him I cheated on him...he saw right through it and he was right. I would definitely that back telling him.