It seems like there's some consensus building on this one, and I agree - don't tell him. At this point, it would seem to serve no purpose.
Cheating
by sandy 29 Replies latest social relationships
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AS IF
You already missed your chance to come clean. If you tell him now it'll probably come across as:
"Oh yeah, well guess what?! I screwed a guy when we were together, so there!! What do you think of that?"
Do you really want to come across like that? You know what you did, right. You feel bad right. Why hurt him, and make yourself look even worse than what you feel?
AS IF
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bluesapphire
I cheated on my ex husband. I told too. I regret having told. Out of all the abusive, mean, hurtful things he did to me. Out of all the times he cheated on me, that's what he throws in my face any chance he gets.
I was forced to tell my kids because he threatened to tell them. I was forced to tell my husband because he threatened to tell him too.
And all for what? To relieve my conscience? Blaaaaahhh
I don't think everything is meant to be told. That's when confession comes in handy ;)
Confess it to god, goddess, priest, priestess, the blue fairy for all it's worth. But never confess it to him.
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lisavegas420
Confess it to god, goddess, priest, priestess, the blue fairy for all it's worth. But never confess it to him.
And never NEVER confess to an elder.
I did that once, one of the worst mistakes I ever made.
Lisa
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sandy
Thanks everyone for your advice. I know it would be selfish if I told him now. There really is no point in telling him after all it is over. I know I will never do it again to him or anyone else I am with.
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Sassy
I think you are wise with that decision. If the two of you were thinking about reconciling, then you would probably want a clean slate to start from, but if the relationship is over, all you would add to it is hurt for him.
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Stacy Smith
I'm glad you're holding off. You did both of you a favor I think.
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bikerchic
Would you tell your ex-boyfriend you cheated on him? I was with my ex for 4 years. We broke up four months ago. I cheated on him about a year ago. It happened one time and I vowed not to tell him ever. It was with someone I got to know for some period of time. My ex and I were talking about breaking up back then. It was an emotional thing I had with this guy and I let it turn into sex.
I believe now that I was being more selfish by not telling him. I felt guilty but that didn't force me to tell him. I justified to myself that it was only one and it would just hurt him and cause more harm than good.
Do any of you think I should tell him now? I must admit I still have hopes that we will one day get back together. I am afraid if I tell him though that will kill any chance at all. And then on the other hand I think that might be the best thing to do for both of us..... Kill all hope.
Any thoughts on this?
Sheese he's your X boyfriend, forget the hopes of getting back with him. You cheated and you feel guilty. You want to tell him (probably a secret wish to hurt him) and you know if you do he wouldn't want to get back with you............get over him, get on with your life. Taking this with you as a lesson not to be a cheater in the future. Cheaters never prosper, and they make bad bedfellows!
Kate
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hungerartist
My girlfriend told me several months ago she had 'slept with someone else' two months into our relationship. Well, under extreme duress, I told her about the time when I got a massage at a seemingly reputable business which turned out to be less of a massage (which is what I wanted) and more of something else (use your imagination).
This incident I divulged happened long after her incident, by the way. I had been saying for a long time that I was uncomfortable in a sexually committed relationship. Sometimes she supported my ideas and sometimes she rejected them.
Anyhow, I let it happen because I thought I could tell her and not be ashamed of how I had let that woman touch me. It was nice, although no, I was not attracted to her.
When I finally told her, I regretted very much telling...and I still do.
As it turns out, when she 'slept with someone else' towards the beginning of our relationship, it was not consensual sex. She did not even kiss him.
It was rape.
My girlfriend was physically and emotionally injured. She is slowly recovering from that insulting trauma.
So while neither of us feel like we 'cheated' on the other, the pain from those two incidents is extreme. I feel so guilty about having 'gone outside the relationship', but considering how weakened she was by the rape, and considering I was ignorant of why she had been weakened, how could I help feeling like something was lacking?
What I think is that sexual freedom is a very good thing. I think that in a very strong relationship sexual intimacy can be explored openly.
The problem is that no one, whether or not they want commitment, has good motives.
Be careful about whom you trust, including yourself.
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sandy
Sheese he's your X boyfriend, forget the hopes of getting back with him. You cheated and you feel guilty. You want to tell him (probably a secret wish to hurt him) and you know if you do he wouldn't want to get back with you............get over him, get on with your life. Taking this with you as a lesson not to be a cheater in the future. Cheaters never prosper, and they make bad bedfellows!
Kate
Wow! Last Monday my ex called and said he wants to get back together. We are talking over things but I am not so sure it is such a good idea.
Telling him I cheated may very well be a secret desire to hurt him. I have been so hurt, sad and angry that he broke up with me.
The other day when we were talking he apologized for all the a-hole things he did while he was with me. He said things would be different if we got back together. During our time apart he realized how much he loves me and how good I have been to him. And a whole bunch of other nice stuff that just made me feel even more guilty about cheating on him last year.
I am not the person he thinks I am. I think I owe him the truth so he can decide if he still thinks I am such a great person.
