The lost congregation, or something else?

by spiritwalker 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • spiritwalker
    spiritwalker

    While I have seen on many occasions the benefit of sharing our past problems, or life, with others who have been through the same. I am very curious as to what the real benefit would be, to leaving a religion of such control and segregated thinking, only to venture online or in person to others who are basically a lost congregation of the religion. Does it benefit a person to seek out former Jehovah's Witnesses? Would it be something with a positive step towards a better mental attitude, or does it just replace one mental condition with another that is equal, although different in appearance to the outside world.

    As a former Witness, I realize how disfellowshipped ones are treated and looked upon. I myself am very much aware of the shunning and invisible behavior that is directed toward us, in this new life style. I also freely admit though, that the one thing I miss most about being a Witness, was the social acceptance. Not in that I had to like everyone, but I did have a central feeling of caring about others and knew they felt the same about me. I spent many weekends moving people I did not particularly enjoy, as well as other task. They did the same with me, and life was fairly full of social interaction. I would admit, without hesitation, that it was never perfect and one hundred percent real. Yet it was a part of my life that gave a measure of inner comfort.

    What I am most concerned about, is replacing one form of life with another form of life that is basically the same thing. In that it was easy to be friends with Witnesses, you had that faith in common, if nothing else. You could move from one congregation, town or even country and break through everything awkward to discuss the Watchtower article you both just read or discuss a new release from a convention you both just attended that summer. So when I became worldly, it was a challenge. Some people are angry in this world, some are happy and some don't know what they are. About the only common thread I have seen, is that we all breath in and breath out and when we don't, we die.

    While I would love to take the easy road, at times, and return to some comfortable religion where everyone loves me. I enjoy more then anything, the challenge of having to overcome obstacles that did not exist in my Witness days. Some times I succeed and meet people, try new things, and enjoy subjects that I never would have thought possible before. Yet I must also admit, that it is often very likely, that I will meet people who I don't like, try things I regret, and study subjects I wish I never looked into. Yet that is my cross to bare and my challenge to face.

    Am I alone though, in that my first thought upon reading several threads on a message board like this one, to think to myself "another congregation" and not "something new." I do not state these things to insult anyone, and from what I have seen on some boards I have explored, people can and do wear their feelings a little close to the surface at times online. I wonder if, for those more familiar with these boards, if you have noticed people coming on and actually changing or merely taking a easy comfort in being with people of a common past?

    Who am I to judge you? I am a human being who believes they have every right to ask, think and say what they feel is personally right. My credentials are life, my experience is life and my reasoning is based in life. Yet who says this is judging in any way. I am merely wondering what is worthwhile in this emergence from one faith. If twenty thousand people leave the Witness religion each year, and only five percent return, how are the other ninety-five percent finding success in their exit. Is it from joining together with other former Jehovah's Witnesses, or finding something completely free from the controlling past and reaching beyond the comfort level.

    Your input, if you read this long post, would be appreciated.

  • morty
    morty

    welcome to the board spiritwalker....

    All i have to say is..life is what YOU make it......you have to go out and meet or make them changes for your life,and only YOU can make that work..You will find this board is full of support and answers if you stay around.Most of us are honest here and you will not be shunned for your opinon or input.....again, welcome and enjoy your journey through life now because you are FREE!

    mortons68

  • core
    core

    spiritwalker

    sound reasoning -welcome to the board - sadly have to go out to work now so no time for a more complete reply - will write more later

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Admittedly, in a sense, this is another "congregation". But it's one of voluntary participation, and no threats of shunning or eternal damnation if you fail to "Measure up" to some standards set by a group of men at some central headquarters.

    No rigid set of beliefs are enforced. People here are "all over the map" in terms of religious, political and social beliefs. And that's part of what makes it interesting.

    We see here examples of people who are flourishing outside the JW organization, and new ones to the board who are transitioning out from the organization can read these examples and realize that they too can succeed outside the Borg. This despite all the warnings from the WT Society that life outside their little freaky religion is desperate, evil and hopeless.

    Also we can keep up with current developments in the organization (favorable or not) and gain fresh reminders as to why our decision to leave was and is valid.

    If anyone thinks this is a "misery loves company" kind of website, I say no -- but rather, the effects of life inside the JW organization are so subtle, strong and sometimes to difficult to cope with --- that the support this site can offer to help in transition (and to provide post-transition re-affirmation) is well worth all the effort that Simon put into building and maintaining this site.

  • Been there
    Been there

    Spiritwalker.......Welcome to the "Worldwide Congregation of EX JW's" I extend you an invitation to hang around and be able to answer your question from experiance.

    I liken this place to a Half Way House. People who have been imprisoned for long periods of time come here to get the coping and social skills to move on to the real world. Some people stick their head in the door and move on. Some hang around awhile, are bored and move on. Some find their home here and stay forever. Some come back to visit. Some stay and return the kindness and support they received when they first came. Some get jobs here (MODS). Some get their butts kicked out because they just can't play nice. Some even go back to prison. This all sounds like real people, real world, real LIFE to me.

    I have been out for almost 30 years but I had not let go of alot of what was drummed into my head as a child. This place gave me validation and some closure to that part of my life. A part of me was desperatly lonely for someone to understand what I had endured, I found that here. To know that I do not walk this earth totally alone brought me comfort.

    I stopped drinking 20 years ago. I went thru a month long program then was required to attend AA meetings. I hated the meetings because they were too much like "MEETINGS". What did give me great strength to see the future as a non-drinker was the experiances of the people that went before me being successful at life with out alcohol. I knew I could do it. One step at a time. The proof was in front of me. This place is alot like that. The new ones out can see people in all stages of living and know they too can make it.

    People do change here. I have seen it. I have seen very angry people mellow after releasing their anger and hurt here. It is a safe place for many to mature and move on. Some people have been hurt here also and for that I feel sorrow but that too is life.

  • woodland
    woodland

    Been There: Please elaborate what you mean when you say that you have seen people hurt here.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Hi Spiritwalker,

    Would you admit that there is some value in organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous, or would you suggest that everyone who has been an alcoholic should go it alone?

    How about cancer survivors? Is there any value in their getting together to discuss their hopes and fears, suffering and triumph?

    How about veterans of the military?

    Most people are, to some degree, gregarious. They like the company of other, and usually prefer the company of others that they can identify with.

    This board and other similar gathering places exist to fill a sociologic need. No one is forced to come here, yet many are drawn here by a sort of psychological "gravity."

    Telling XJWs that they have no good reason for getting together is not very different from telling JWs that they should not get together.

    Many times people come to these places to heal. Once healed, they move on. Some stay for a while to help other heal. No one says that XJWs should have one dimensional lives consisting only of virtual friends in cyberspace, just as no one would say that members of a community should always hang out at the community hall.

    Welcome, and relax, OK?

  • garybuss
    garybuss



    Hi Spiritwalker, Welcome!

    The Witness group is a family dynamics group. That's why they see the biological family as competition and insert the group into all relationships. To me, these boards are just boards. Nothing else.

    What you write of is the social element. It's the strongest part of the association. One delusion we all had was the sharing of "beliefs". We didn't share beliefs, we shared publications and instructions to accept those. That's vastly different than sharing beliefs. We did share the inability to pragmatically challenge those publications among ourselves.

    The issue of moving safely among other group members was an illusion. What we saw were facades. Every Witness I worked with or got to know on a personal lever was a lot different than the facade.

    The Witness produced religious literature states the Publishing Corporation orders one percent to be disfellowshipped every year. That's almost 70,000. Many more than that become inactive and walk away. Just do the math from any yearbook. This is a revolving door. Go back and visit any congregation you have not been to in 10 years and you will know few people.

    I hope you find what you are looking for. GaryB

    The Way I See it http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm

  • Been there
    Been there

    Hi Woodland,

    What I meant by "hurt here" I meant their feelings. Things can get taken the wrong way sometimes. Sometimes things are taken the right way from someone who is in alot of pain and lashing out at anyone or anything. Some people are inexperianced on the internet and take every word as gospel (I'm getting better at not doing that). The vast majority here would not purposly hurt anyone but there are a few who have a point to prove and end up hurting someone.

    Does that answer the question Woodland?

  • oldcrowwoman
    oldcrowwoman

    Welcome Spiritwalker

    I like your name. there is a song about Spiritwalker.

    Is there meaning for you in using the name?

    Old Crow Woman

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