Expected pain

by former2free 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • former2free

    Last week was a big week for me in terms of coming totally clean to my wife and her being more than on board to leave the jw’s with me. We know what to expect but things happen from family and it still hurts just as bad. Last night my wife got a long text message from her brother that has seemed to be in the fence and he told her that same guilt tripping rhetoric that the wt uses about life in the paradise etc. He also told her that if she disassociated herself that he wouldn’t talk to her. She knows the religion is behind it but that doesn’t make the emotional toll any easier. You can read stories till you’re blue but it still doesn’t make the reality any better. My heart is aching for her as I know this isn’t the last of it either. Thanks for reading my rant.

  • carla

    I'm sorry you two must go through this. If this behavior doesn't solidify the fact that the jw's are a cult I don't know what would. In the outside world family loves unconditionally, even if my siblings believe some crazy stuff I still love them and would help them any way I could.

    When facing the loss of friends it is the same, they love you unconditionally no matter what crazy beliefs you may have. I know my jw calls people at the kh friends but I know better, he only has those friends as long as he tows the jw line.

    Join some new groups and make new friends now to help distract you from the pain of losing friends and family.

    Wishing you & your wife all the best through this difficult transition.

  • NeedToKnow

    It’s sad, undeserved and unnecessary. Perhaps don’t disassociate, just drift off. You’ll still get treated like an outcast to some degree but they will keep in touch somewhat. This is my life. Having said that, it kind of feels the same as been DFd because you know the reason they keep distance is because you no longer do as they do.

  • resolute Bandicoot
    resolute Bandicoot

    if you just happened to be looking at this site because you have recently become associated with JW's and decided to learn a bit more from sources outside of "da troof", this is just one of hundreds of examples similar experiences to be found.

    The warm welcome has big hooks with very sharp barbs and your exit path is sewn with emotional land mines.


  • Reopened Mind
    Reopened Mind

    Fear is one of the biggest reasons someone joins and stays in a high control group. Fear of dying, fear of not being "spiritual" enough, fear of being disfellowshipped, fear of displeasing god (governing body), and perhaps the biggest one, fear of losing family and friends when one wakes up and makes the painful decision to leave. It is not any easier when you know what's coming. Keep reassuring her she is making the right decision.

    When I converted back when I was a teenager I was told I would have a large worldwide family. Little did I know how conditional that love would be. Her family has been conditioned to show love only if she believes and does exactly as they say. THAT IS NOT LOVE!!! If that doesn't scream CULT I don't know what does!

    She has our love and support as do you.

    Reopened Mind, aka Mom

  • ttdtt

    I think Fading works out best.

    Why play into their hand with dissociating or making it easy to be DFed?

  • tiki

    So sad...I am sorry you have to go through this...but that's the way they roll. Threatening...fake friends...toxic. Better off to be done with it all....

  • DesirousOfChange

    I think Fading works out best. Why play into their hand with dissociating or making it easy to be DFed? ~ttdtt

    YES! YES! YES!

    SOOO much better to play the "weak and inactive" role. "You know I'm so discouraged by Totally ADD and Reopened Mind". Ask them discreet questions that force them to research the things that can't be answered (and aren't supposed to even be questioned).

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Sorry to hear about this son. I feel your wife's brother when hearing what she had to say scared him back into cult thinking. It happens all the time. The pull of the cult is very, very strong. Fear and gulit is their biggest weapon and they use it well. Being born-in your brother in law has been conditioned for years on guilt and fear. It really is no surprise he said what he said. Him sitting on the fence like he was doing for along time then all of a sudden your wife let's him know how she feels really rattle his cage.

    Please don't take it personally you have to pity him, he is a victim of a concept just like all of us at one time. Give him time maybe he will come around one day. Just remember you guys are doing the right thing and just like your mother said we are there for you. Try to have a good day we will be thinking about you. Still Totally ADD aka dad

  • former2free

    Thank you everyone! It’s alwyas easier to read and hear others experiences than it is to live through it. It really does reinforce how messed up this religion is. And dad no I don’t blame him I’m not even mad he is a product of the way he was raised just like we all are but some of us have been fortunate enough to break free from that. My wife is taking it the hardest understandibly but I am tore up over it too.

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