You Live in California when... (page 2)

Joyzabel

so where's your bald head and pony tail !!! ???

Maverick

When I lived in So Ca. we had a joke about the fact that there were more Mexicans driving Chevy's than Japanese driving Toyota's in LA!

I spend my summers in Mich, and I've found that as nice as the people are on foot is how maniacal they are once they get behide the wheel of a car. And the worst offenders are Soccer moms in their SUV's!

In Florida, where I have a home, the first thing our retired drivers do when they buy a new car is take off the rear-view mirror and click on a turn signal, (and leave it on indefinitely)! Also you can tell the tourists from the locals cause they have dark tans and we know better! Maverick

Valis

You Live in California when

When you come to love and appreciate Humboldt County for all its wholesome goodness..

Sincerely,

District Overbeer of the "Smoke em if you got em" class

tinkerbell82

wow i read through all of the california ones without realizing they were meant to be funny!! :P sad, those are way too true ;)

Soledad

7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

ha ha. ahahahahahahaha.

so what the hell are they staring at anyway?????

Country Girl

I will *first* defend the Southern stereotypes because I live in Texas at the *present time* (the South). I will next defend the Colorado stereotypes because I was born and raised in Colorado, but got the hell out of there because the Texans were buying it up and I wanted to marry me a millionaire!

Texas:

You Live in the South when...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

This is absolutely *not true*. "Ron's Video Rental" is separated by a wall from "Ron's Wife's Bait and Tackle Shop." They are two separate stores, separated in a Community Property State by Ron and Ron's Wife, who the Sherrif couldn't separate on his last trip out on a Domestic Abuse call to their house.

2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.

This is just a total lie. There's people in Houston that say "You all" and mean the immediate family (all 500 of them in a long line of trailers along the river); along with "You all you all" which means that "you all's" friends are coming too! No ill grammatical errors. They're just more proper.

3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"

That is JUST such a lie! You must have heard that from Ma Pearson's cousin on the river. We don't say that! Why... everyone is welcome here! Why just last night Grandpaw BilBuckle's niece from over to Chicago came and everyone was on their best manners, and they even gave her the biggest helping of crawdads, and she said "Oh my goodness! They spray for *these* in my apartment in Chicago!". But we was all nice and stuff and took the plate away and served her up some possum fritters. She thought it was some fancy town kinda meal because she exclaimed the she *loved* French fries! Made ole Mulberry Higgins, the cher, all excited cuz he thought he was a GorMay cook and that he had cooked up a batch of Paris stuff!

4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

Now this is just a rightful (er, excuse me wrongful) defense. There's some people that just get in sitchy-achins where someone attacks them and they have to defend themselves. That is mostly the case in the South. The law comes on your land and it's your rightly defense if they tell you that your septic tank ain't meetin code, and they shuts yer water off. Or closes down yer electricity. It ain't fair. Ya gots to shoot people that tries to take yer terlit facilities! Right? one time my Uncle Buddy went to a Chivalree at his mother in law's house, and cuz he peed out the car, and the other menz peed out the car, they took my uncle to the jail. They had to prove their septic. Well.... my uncle's been peein in the woods for 45 years, and he had no evidence, cept maybe a few wet spots and some yellow grass. They fined him $45 and he was madder'n a we hen!

He needed killin IS a defense.

5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean,

Oh.. that's a buncha hogwash. All serial killers have two names.

Country Girl

Defense of Colorado:

You live in Colorado when...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at

the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

I have no defense for this!

CG

wasasister

You live in Seattle when:

You pay $6 for a cup of coffee and complain because your dot-com went bankrupt.

You buy a $20,000 SUV to drive your kids to soccer practice, two blocks from home.

You find hacky-sack to be superior to sex.

You write in ?Bill Gates? instead of any candidate for any election.

You allow your local government to build a multi-million dollar stadium where people come to trample your sports team into expensive artificial turf.

You pick up a newspaper after a terrible plane crash and the headline reads: ?Thankfully, it was an Airbus.?

Although you are a successful stockbroker, you find new and inventive ways to use hemp.

You go to Costco at lunch time just to eat free samples.

You spend hundreds of dollars on expensive sunglasses every year, because after 300 days of not using them, you can't remember where you left them.

imallgrowedup

Just found this gem! Had to bring it back to the top!

LOL @ everyone on this!!!!

Thanks for posting this, Alan! And CG - gurl - you's needs to git yerself yer own comidy show er sump 'in! Youz a SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!

growedup

Valis

When your college radio station makes the anouncement the DEA is about to raid your stash!

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

You Live in California when...

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