by Lapuce 22 Replies latest jw friends
Get it in WRITING, detailed to the nth degree, with a statement to the effect of NO NEW CONDITIONS ARE TO BE IMPOSED UNLESS THE HUSBAND HAS THE FINAL SAY. And stress the "headship thing".
If she objects, then you say Oh, you mean you aren't serious about this?
I wouldn't do it: the only thing you have going for you is the "headship thing".
You are really on the horns of a dilemma: families ARE worth saving, but this line of BS doesn't work!!
Mustang
I'd have to agree with scully on this lapuce....
Tight spot to be in...Do you feel free now to be who you really are?
If you go back to hearing the words truth, holy spirit, god's org, brother's and sisters a hundred times a day how will you feel, like your free or like puking?
Having children really compounds the situation.
I'm sure someone else can offer better advice than me lapuce so I'll keep checking your thread.
So after the divorce and reconciliation and reinstatement there has to be a showy wedding at the Kingdom Hall? Sure about the love flowing in both directions?
Sometimes it's easy to misidentify love when love is clouded with loneliness, hornyness and habits.
Hello Lapuce,
Since she has put out the conditions of what you have to do and the wedding must be in the KH have you considered leveling the ground by asking for a few conditions yourself?
Why not request that she read both of Ray Franz's books first. That's all. If after reading them, and you will have to make sure (by some means) that she has read them, then you will submit to her conditions and get reinstated and married in the KH. Even if you have to go through with it how long will she last with that kind of info in her head?
I agree with Maverick on this one: "you can never go back". If you do this it had better be under circumstances that she will not be able to go back either.
Steve
Lapuce, this is really tough for you, and there are kids involved so it's even harder. You do see your kids on a regular basis? Do you still love your ex-wife, or are you getting over your own feelings? I'm thinking that maybe your kids have more of a chance at seeing what a normal life is all about when you have them on the weekends or whenever it is they visit.
If you get back with your wife, there is sure to be tension and pressure and the kids will definitely pick up on this. Will you have Christmas with them if you're back with your wife? Hallowe'en, celebrate their birthdays? What will your wife say to all that? Will she insist on having the elders "counsel" you, since you went through the facade of getting back into the organization? These are just questions I'm throwing out there for you to consider.
Good luck, and make sure you are happy with the choice you make and you stay true to yourself. That will help your kids more than anything else.
Ac
Man, I'm with Stacy on the whole getting married in the kingdom hall thing. When is she planning on marrying you? In a couple years? You're currently DA'd. So you'd have to go back and grovel for a minimum of 6 months, then be on reproof for a minimum of six months, then be a regular publisher, get all your "privileges" back, then grovel some more, to have a wedding in the Kingdom hall?
Then at the last minute, some winder-warsher elder gets his panties in a bunch because you two were married before, and you did the whole DA thing once, so you're really not setting a chaste example, and hey, maybe we better re-think this letting you have the "privilege" of having your Dub infomercial second wedding in our puce and burnt orange meditteranean themed, lavendar bathroom with the paradise mural, faux wood stage and fashion understatement floor-scrubber speaker Kingdom hall?
Ugh, I think I'm going to call the dentist, I need a root canal. My $.68.
Odrade
Thanks for all your replies everyone, yes it is tough and I do not see my kids often due to my awful work shedual 4 days/nights - 4 off so yes I would see the kids more, but in return it would be hard for them to see whats normal to them, as she wants to look good in front of all the dubs, but like it is said living the big lie, which she always be as a dub anyways. I will see her later this weekend and talk more to her, but even if I still love her love doesn't have to have such a high price tag like most of you are saying, I had 3 girlfriends since I left her, and she knows it and knows that I have one now at this very moment, and yet tells me these things, maybe she does miss the sex, she tells me that there are many single brothers after her but she doesn't want them but me, she already gets child support from me, I will keep you all posted when I talk to her more about this in a day or too. By the way strange coincidence I got a call from an elder in the actual congregation that I like in which I never went to their meetings, but I know the name as I used to see the other congregations boards in the hall, I did not answer and he did not leave a message... strange
Lapuce
Do you love her?
Then I would agree with Scully and propose a simple civil ceremony with the JP. There is no reason to involve religion in this, especially if it would mean living a lie. Just get married and agree to have a difference of opinion when it comes to religion. I would talk it over with her at length. She has already started to compromise, so reaching an agreement about reconciliation is a good possibility.
Good luck!
Tammy
Now she wants me back (she is still a dub) and would like for me to go back and marry her again, this time at the kingdom hall and simply being incative, doing what I want but being with me, so all could be normal again, I know I would have to fake all again to be re-instated, and bullshit all until I get married, then do nothing just be a dub in title, so that I could be again with the one I love???
Hello Lapuce. You're going to get my all-honest opinion on your situation. The divorce happened for a reason. If the issue couldn't be settled while you were married to her, why do you think it can be settled after the divorce? She's expecting you to make sacrifices for HER benefit, not yours. She's not taking your feelings into consideration regarding this whole issue. It sounds like she doesn't even care what you think & feel, she's just finding a solution to deal with the way she feels.
I don't think its worth the price to fake it for a few months and get back with my ex which I always loved so much as well as my kids, just for the stability,
Stability is a very nice thing to have, but if you're sacrificing what you believe for stability, you'll never truly be happy. If you give into her, she'll continue to have complete control over you.
she would let me do what I want she said, can I belive her???
Is she doing that right now? She wants you to get reinstated so you can remarry her. Is this really what you want to do? Now read what you said again...
she would let me do what I want she said, can I belive her???
She has already lied to you. Her actions speak loud and clear that she won't let you do what you want.
I have more news on this as I had a big talk with her today, but I,m too tierd to write about it, I will post later this week and let you know...
Thanks for the input...
Lapuce
