Jehovah’s Witness dating rules

by Addison0998 34 Replies latest social relationships

  • Addison0998

    I’m sorry that I talk about dating a lot, I know it is probably very annoying, but you don’t have to read it. But did anyone else have the most difficult time dating as a young jw? Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year in half, we are in our early 20’s, and we are still not allowed to hold hands, cuddle or kiss. Of course we have done these things, but when we are in front of most people, especially our families, we have to awkwardly sit next to each other and never touch at all unless it’s a hug goodbye, which if it lingers a few seconds longer we get snapped at. Yesterday we sat next to each other at the meeting for the first time, and several people asked if we were engaged. You can’t even sit next to someone without being considered engaged!!! I envy other people who can experience a normal dating situation. And then they wonder why we can’t wait another year or two to get married. I don’t know, probably because we can’t be in a room alone together, can’t even go out to eat together without someone awkwardly sitting there with us, can’t go on a road trip together, can’t hug, kiss, hold hands, just cannot start our lives until we get married. I don’t want to rush things, and we really aren’t, but this is so difficult and it’s driving me crazy.

  • sir82

    Yesterday we sat next to each other at the meeting for the first time, and several people asked if we

    were engaged. You can’t even sit next to someone without being considered engaged!!!


    Not to give away my age or anything, but it was exactly the same in the 80s.

    Yes, it sucks.

    But for as long as you are a JW, that's the way it is going to be.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    things were somewhat different when i was "in"--this was 50 years ago. i used to stay over at my born in girlfriends house some weekends. friday night was meeting night. saturday mornings her devout dub parents used to drive off to the main city for a few hours spent shopping. their daughter and i spent the time in bed together. we did get married--no shotgun required. i was 20..she was 19.

  • FedUpJW

    Not to give away my age or anything, but it was exactly the same in the 80s.

    As it was in the late 60's and early 70's.

  • Finkelstein

    From what I'm hearing these days inside KHs is the regimental high control of people who are personally interested in one another has gone up over the years.

    Of course busy body intrusive gossipers will and try to pry out any personal contact.

    One of the things I remember being a JWS is that someone and many are always spying on you and scrutinizing, you dont get that in most Christian churches, perhaps a little but not to the extent of whats apparent with JWS.

    God forbid if you were to take your girlfriend or boyfriend on a date and kiss before saying goodbye.

  • carla

    At some point you will have to decide if you want to live your life for yourself or continue to be held hostage by this insidious cult and your family.

    I know it is hard to imagine your life at say, 50 but what do you think that will be like for you? Will you live with little or no regrets or find out you have wasted your life for others?

    You are an adult, if would like some alone time with your bf take it. If you are never alone with him how can you even consider marrying him? How can you have some honest discussions? You only know him when he (and you) are on your best jw behavior. Neither of you can even voice a true opinion or feeling for fear it will be reported. You are unable to really get to know each other.

    If your parents/cong think you are unable to be alone with him without jumping in the sack what does that tell you about their opinion of you and the bf? Doesn't sound like jw's have much faith in how they raise their children.

    If you are honest, do you think you are as emotionally mature as your non jw counterparts?

    I wish you the best but fear if you and bf do not find the courage to stand up and be adults you will never be free to be your true authentic self or even find out what that means.

    I suggest you & bf skip out of next Sunday meeting day, go on a picnic and have a real discussion. Parents/cong don't have to like it.

  • Finkelstein

    One thing that can also be said is that the overall scrutinizing of teenagers and grown adults get when they start to take interest in one another is that many get married too young or were incompatible out of the desire of sex., which in the end causes many divorces.

    Unfortunately some of these relationships result in children being born into a broken marriage.

  • joe134cd

    Look if your happy been a jw then fine by me. I think you need to seriously consider sitting down with your bf and telling him what your thoughts are on this organization. In my experience by the time someone is lurking or posting on here their minds are clearly made up. If you don’t discuss this now it will certainly resurface latter on weather you have sex with this individual before marriage or not.

  • joe134cd

    I apologise disregard my last post I just looked at your posting history. I guess your playing the game to win

  • ttdtt

    Get a room and have some fun!

    You will regret it if you don't.

    Find out if you are Sexually compatible!!!!!!

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