One Liners

by The Fall Guy 12 Replies latest social humour

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    My doctor says that I need to have an operation to fuse the bones in my neck. He said that after it's done I'll never look back!

    Alcohol was my father's answer to everything. He didn't drink - he was just lousy at quizzes! (Milton Jones)

    I was proud that my dad made a name for himself - although the police called it identity fraud.

  • stillin
    stillin

    A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "why the long face?"

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    You know what they say about German laxatives, They bring out the wurst in you

    My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought. It’s an extremely rare dish order.

    Went to the park yesterday to play Frisbee with my dog. Think I'm gonna need a flatter dog.

  • jp1692
    jp1692

    A guy walks into a bar. Ouch!

  • Tiana
    Tiana

    The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. The problem is no one runs in your family.

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    Sandwich walks into a bar. Sorry says the bartender, we don't serve lunch.

  • Saltheart Foamfollower
    Saltheart Foamfollower

    I saw a really bad picture of a carriage. It was horse drawn.

  • Tahoe
    Tahoe

    If anyone needs an Ark, I happen to Noah guy.

  • zeb
    zeb

    A grass hopper breaks formation and heads to a bar for a beer.

    The barman says"Do you know theres is drink named after you?"

    the grass hopper says "What theres a drink called Eric?"

  • NVR2L8
    NVR2L8

    I lost my job at the orange juice factory because I just couldn't concentrate.

    Did you know they don't make yardstick any longer...

    I accidentally swallowed food coloring and I feel like I dyed a little inside...

    Do you think the phrase "where are you" is often used in sign language?

    Got some broken puppets for sale if anyone is interested, no strings attached.

    Someone spray painted 2+2=5 in the elevator, it's wrong on every level.

    I quit my job at the helium factory; I was not going to be spoken to in that tone of voice...

    I returned a blindfold today, I just couldn't see myself wearing it.

    If you spill paint on your lawn you can watch paint dry and grass grow at the same time.

    It's amazing how whiteboards are truly remarkable.

    If a deaf person goes to court is it still a hearing?

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