My dear dear boy Hello and welcome!
I'm going to guess you are an Open University Alumni!! If so we are trip-let (is that a word?) Connected! British exjws are the other two in the three-fold cord!!
I think abuse for young boys can have an added dimension of awfulness in that biologically the body cannot help usually but respond even when being raped. I think it even happens to women but maybe not so obviously, with the resulting wrong belief by the victim that they are somehow in collusion with the perpetrators, though nothing could be further from the truth. I'm sure the perp often plays on that biological fact entraping the child even further. I just want you to know even if you had 20 orgasms a day you were a child, a victim and abused with you trust betrayed horribly.
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your father. I see that you became a victim because you had a massive hole in your heart where your father had been and this man's "love" filled that hole...or so it felt. Just like watchtower took advantage of your grief so did the molester. It's horrible beyond words.
I too woke up due to Open University philosophy courses!! Combined with the ARC and the wonderful Chris Hitchins! Boy do we need him now! He is deeply missed.
I can see you have two wonderful women in your life whom you don't want to disappoint. Is fading for medical reasons completely out of the question? Have you tried the Socratic method with your wife? Has your mother waited for your father's resurrection? If so I fear it may be kinder to leave her as she is. Only you know what's best in your situation. Being a PiMO who can pass on info may help to divert you somewhat. Volunteer for technical help to avoid listening to talks at assemblies? You could undergo therapy and say you need a break whilst you undergo therapy. Let me know what you think about that.