Personal story of bethel, sexual abuse and child baptism

by GetMeOutofHere 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Diogenesister

    My dear dear boy Hello and welcome!

    I'm going to guess you are an Open University Alumni!! If so we are trip-let (is that a word?) Connected! British exjws are the other two in the three-fold cord!!

    I think abuse for young boys can have an added dimension of awfulness in that biologically the body cannot help usually but respond even when being raped. I think it even happens to women but maybe not so obviously, with the resulting wrong belief by the victim that they are somehow in collusion with the perpetrators, though nothing could be further from the truth. I'm sure the perp often plays on that biological fact entraping the child even further. I just want you to know even if you had 20 orgasms a day you were a child, a victim and abused with you trust betrayed horribly.

    I'm so very sorry for the loss of your father. I see that you became a victim because you had a massive hole in your heart where your father had been and this man's "love" filled that hole...or so it felt. Just like watchtower took advantage of your grief so did the molester. It's horrible beyond words.

    I too woke up due to Open University philosophy courses!! Combined with the ARC and the wonderful Chris Hitchins! Boy do we need him now! He is deeply missed.

    I can see you have two wonderful women in your life whom you don't want to disappoint. Is fading for medical reasons completely out of the question? Have you tried the Socratic method with your wife? Has your mother waited for your father's resurrection? If so I fear it may be kinder to leave her as she is. Only you know what's best in your situation. Being a PiMO who can pass on info may help to divert you somewhat. Volunteer for technical help to avoid listening to talks at assemblies? You could undergo therapy and say you need a break whilst you undergo therapy. Let me know what you think about that.

  • Biahi

    Good point, WT Wizard!

  • Cadellin

    Welcome! You are not alone, nor are you crazy. When I was leaving, I felt both alone and that I might be crazy, since so many of the intelligent people around me couldn't see the lies and other issues. You do have options, other than being DF'd or continuing PIMO. That is, the Fade. Many of us have done that to good success, but it is a very slow process (usually). Have a JW wife will make it a bit harder, but still not impossible. At any rate, take baby steps.

    Also, do get professional help. The fact that you think you might have "enjoyed" aspects of the abuse does NOT mean you were complicit or to blame or guilty in any way shape or form. YOU were the victim. And the therapist will also help you deal with leaving the religion. I know that I went into therapy as I left and it was one of the best decisions I made. You have started a difficult and painful journey but there is light ahead...

  • tiki

    Welcome...and good to hear you are disentangling from the destructive cult. It horrifies me that so many as innocent child victims in that religion have been subjected to sexual abuse...and more often than not no just punishment to the perpetrator. You are smart to get your education and make decisions based on reality. Keep up the good work! And I do also hope you follow through and talk to a therapist...there are scars and wounds that need to be addressed.

  • GetMeOutofHere


    I feel like you know me so well and yes I did study with The Open University although I took a Literature qualification.

    I honestly feel more genuine compassion from people on here than i have ever felt at the Kingdom Hall.

  • Finkelstein

    JWS have an indoctrinated acceptance within their organization that people who are JWS are righteous wholesome people, people outside of the organization are evil and trustworthy.

    Unfortunately certain people will exploit that assumed and trusted social environment.

  • Giordano

    GetMeOutOfHere you have come to the right place We have ex Elders, And overseers, ex Bethelites and plain old publishers all are now considered Leavers.

    The Society used to provide a number each year that listed the amount of 'leaver's' from 1960-61 to 2011--12 some leavers have died of course, but the total number came to over 4 million people who left this so called truth.

    According to the Pew Religious Landscape Survey 67% of born-ins leave the religion and consider themselves non's those people who no longer claim a religion.

    Fifty seven years ago I married my pioneer partner........ 3 years after we both walked away from the religion. I came to find out not only was she happy to leave but admitted to me that she was a non believer. What it took me a year and a half to understand she knew as a 12 year old.

    The WTBTS never had the truth what they had was a product. They started as a publishing house with ideas that were attractive like "Many living today may never die".

    While they sold this belief all over the world it caught on because who wants to die or see their loved ones die?

    Resurrection here on this good old earth was also a sensible idea because no one was really familiar about Heaven.

    How many JW's hang in there in hopes of meeting up with family members?

    The JW belief is made up crap with no real foundation....... it is similar to the Mormons and Christian Sciendists made up crap.

    I'll finish with this quote from Eric Hoffers...... The True Believer:

    " All active mass movements strive, therefore, to interpose a fact-proof screen between the faithful and the realities of the world. claiming that the ultimate and absolute truth is already embodied in their doctrine and that there is no truth nor certitude outside it. ...To rely on the evidence of senses and of reason is heresy and treason. It is startling to realize how much unbelief is necessary to make belief possible. What we know as blind faith is sustained by innumerable unbelief's."

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    PS, GetMeOutofHere...

    Another way to help your wife 'get out' is to simply do more and more fun things together.

    In WTville, 'life' and fun is put on hold.... for future days. Family life, relationships are not really developed the way they could be. It usually centers around *studying for some meeting *going to the meeting *going out in service *going to the conventions *preparing talks *studying the Watchtower *answering at the Watchtower *taking the speaker out to lunch.

    WT counts on this "hamster wheel" of activity to keep you indoctrinated... if you are not at the meetings for a while, your brain is able to start thinking.

    So, one of the things you can do just let her brain start thinking and enjoying life. Take her dancing, take her to the movies, take her on trips on the weekend so you don't go out in service, take her 2 an art class together, go to the beach, go to museums, she will enjoy the time with you, love being with you and will not miss going to the meetings as much.

    Her brain will start working and slowly, with questions , one question at a time actually, she can start to wake up.

    Some have tried un-witnessing to their family with questions as if they heard it out in service, "one guy asked me if I heard about the Australian Royal Commission." I said no, so I looked it up... do you think that we have the only true religion in the world? (Wait for answer) I cant believe what Geoffrey Jackson replied to this...

    Not exact words, but the point is to give a tiny bit of info, make her curious... see how she reacts... if not positive, try another approach...

    Number one, give her fun!

  • Finkelstein

    The WTBTS never had the truth what they had was a product.

    Well said Giordano

  • peacefulpete

    Welcome and yes, many, including myself, have faced the issues you are now. It's valuable to know this. Millions in fact have walked away from high control groups and cult-ish religions and rebuilt lives. Former JWs do well to remember that as well. It's not going to be easy to lie to everyone. Eventually they will know you no longer believe whether you tell them or not. Be kind, be respectful, be honest.

    My adage is always the same, attacking someone beliefs against their will is a form of assault but withholding the truth to those who ask it, is deception.

    In some case you find the people you love just needed someone they know to take the first step. That's what happened to me and a number of others in my area.

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