Hello Again

by everbrighterhal 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • everbrighterhal

    I'm sorry if this is in the wrong category! I am formerly adimmedlight, or something close to that. I have been lurking here a few years now and while I did make an account before, I used a fake email (I no longer remember it, since it was made only to log in the one time I posted.. )because I was so paranoid people in my home town would discover me and "out" me. I have not been disfellowshipped and have not formally disassociated myself.

    I have been away from the org for a little over 6 years now. I was occasionally having a monthly dinner with my "grandparents," who are the ones who studied with me for my teenage years, but it got to a point where it was all about getting me right with Jehovah and not so much about connecting as friends and lately they have not returned any messages or phone calls.

    I've made my new account under my proper email, because I am not ashamed or hiding any more! I made this account everbrighterhal! I am not a dimmed light... I am shining brighter as I learn more and more of just who I really am! Yes, I am living of sin affording to how I was raised and it is something I still struggle with, even not actively practicing any one faith. I confess I have been celebrating holidays and enjoying it. I have been with a worldly. Man for almost 4 years now. We are not perfect, but he listens to me and I haven't told him, but I do love him. I am 25 now. I was baptised at 14. I failed out of community college after become so severely burned out from trying to juggle full time school and full time preaching. I am finally able to laugh about all the "good" I did knocking on doors for 5 hours a day. This post is all over the place, but I finally feel I am recovering. I am making my own decisions. I am questioning things. I am living. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and opinions. I lurk more than anything, but it has been so, so comforting to come to this corner of the internet where everyone knows exactly how you feel. This has been a big part of my self made therapy, Ha. I am interested in meetups, but I am honestly a little nervous. I would to meet some new friends, etc. I have been pursuing some art interests that were sort of viewed as time wasters.. If anyone wants to chat. Sometime, I am on facebook/messenger as Hal Artlife. Hal being short for Hallie, Hallie being short for my real name... I love to draw and paint. I am finally not feeling guilty for doing it. Thank you everyone. Even if you feel you never did anything. I am all over the place, but I am feeling overcome with emotion. I still have a faith of sorts, but I am so grateful to finally say i forgive myself for leaving and that I no longer let the fear of stumbling others rule my life. I do not bash witnesses on facebook or otherwise and I do not hate brothers and sisters who genuinely (though blindly)believe they are doing the right thing.

    I have met people in my line of work that are of different faiths who believe the same about theirs as well. It was funny to recently talk with a woman I was sure was a witness. Turns out she is of the church of god In Christ. They are some kind of Pentecostal... She insisted they follow the Christ because he is our Savior. She said they use the king James because it is the only correct translation and others have been muddied over the years. She said JWs are wrong because they meet in a kingdom hall. It was so funny to be on the opposite end of someone else witnessing to me about the faith, lol. And then all the things we would say that made us the true religion, well they're the same things. She said they follow Christ, but ironically enough her husband is the pastor who makes the sermons. They also go door to door. I thought she was a witness by how she dressed. She always appears in long skirt, etc. She was somewhat offended I thought it . I'm sorry I am rambling, but I just couldn't get over how crazy it all sounded. I wasn't speaking with her to argue, but I was so interested in hearing someone else speak so passionately about their faith. She also said she doesn't agree with other faiths, but they love us all the same. Everyone thinks they are right and meanwhile instead of bettering ourselves, we're too busy worrying about getting others to believe us. I had a good laugh and now I think I am finally coming to peace with my choices. For a while, I had regrets every night and went to sleep with knots in my stomach because I feared me and my entire family were going to die at Armageddon due to my fall out (I was the last faithful strong one, holding on for the survival of my family, trying to get then to come back by my example) I can sleep at night now. This was supposed to be a reintro...but I just needed to get some feelings out right now I am just hoping some of my peers here will read and relate. Or laugh and say I talk too much (I do. )

  • everbrighterhal
    I am also no good with typing on my cellphone. Thank you for your patience, people...
  • Pubsinger

    Well I just enjoyed having a look at your paintings!

    Simon Endeacott (UK) so you can have a look back lol (at me lol not paintings 😂)

  • smiddy3

    Welcome ebh ,I enjoyed your post and obviously straight from the heart.

    Ps how did you view her paintings ? I didn`t see a link anywhere ?

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    Welcome to your real life EBH!

    You stated a universal truth - "Everyone thinks they are right and meanwhile instead of bettering ourselves, we're too busy worrying about getting others to believe us."

    Spot on. Keep getting stronger.

  • stillin

    Nice to hear your voice again everbrighterha! I had all that paranoia too about being outed, or emails from spitting apostates coming and my wife seeing them and turning me in to the watchdogs.

    It's true about the similarities between the Witnesses and other people who are devoted to their brand of worship. Is it the arrogance that stands out or is it humility?

    Anyhow, keep on keeping on!

  • OnTheWayOut

    I also never disassociated and was never disfellowshipped. I was a bit paranoid years ago about getting caught going to apostate websites. I could go on with the similarities. Anyway, the point would be that you are among people who will get it with no judgement attached. So welcome.

    Try meetupdotcom to find other ex-JW's, there are many groups out there.

    I have seen door-to-door preachers who were not JW. But I can usually spot the difference with the bookbags. That is changing these days.

  • stuckinarut2


    Yes, once we reach that stage of not giving a damn about the witness labels of DF, DA etc, we have reached a powerful level!

  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    @stuckinarut2 Man, I can't wait to reach that stage. I've been inactive for six months and am still sitting in the privacy of my own home on this forum like:

  • stuckinarut2

    I reckon that stage is reached like a light switch. One day you just wake up and say "stuff this!, I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING WRONG, so why should I be afraid of the Society and its procedures. THEY have been the dishonest ones...NOT me"

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