My JW boyfriend broke up with me
l disliked just incase its a troll
He was really kind and loving though i have to admit its so painful that our relationship was hidden and everything we do was done in secret. It was so hard because we cant do the normal stuff that normal people do.
Doing 'normal stuff' is a tad difficult for a JW. It's hard to be normal when you think everyone who is not a JW and/or refuses to become one......... will be killed off when the JW's phony Armageddon hit's the world.
That's the only normal in the JW world view....they live......the rest of us die.
It's all BS but that's what they believe.
In most respects they are a very confused religion more of a death cult then even Jonestown with their ever changing rules and beliefs.
This is a good example of what you would have to face going forward re his sister sticking her face into your relationship. And him folding.
There is a strain of insanity running through the JW beliefs. Since he did not intend to face it directly and declare his love for you your relationship with him was not going to survive.
You are not at fault....you have done nothing wrong.
Please find someone who deserves your respect and love. And who will love and respect you.
Count your lucky stars. If he is willing to sneak around on his family, wouldn't he have been willing to do the same to you later on?
I am a female and i am not a troll. I wish natan and stan wouldnt experience this pain. And yeah you can call me pathetic if you want. He was a nice guy and even if i am hurt i am still concern by the fact that he might get shunned because he has no life and friends outside the congregation. I feel guilty at the same time because i am the reason his family hates him right now and they even let the elders know. Everything was a big deal and i cant get in touch with him anymore it all happened ao fast and i was not ready
DrunkinLove, It sounds like from you was saying that he was given a choice on who he would choose, and sadly he made his decision. What I am going to tell you is this, you deserve better than that. That showed he does not love you, and never has, regardless of what he told you. People say that word all the time, but they don't mean it or don't know what love really is. First and foremost, if he loved you, he would have defended you regardless of whoever was attacking you. If he loved you, he would have wanted everyone to know it, and not kept hidden your relationship.
Take your time in grieving the loss of this relationship, and take everything from that as a learning lesson so you don't get your heart hurt again in the future. Count yourself very fortunate, because he would have eventually shown his true colors, and it would have been even worse if there were children involved. I'm assuming you two don't have any. Who knows, maybe given a few days it will sink in what he has given up, some people don't realize what a good thing they had until they throw it away. If for some reason he does come crawling back, and you decide he is the one you want, make him work hard to earn you back. No hiding your relationship, ever.
From experience with this exact thing; he is torn. Torn between his feelings for you and everything he was ever taught by his family. He fears disappointing them, as well as being disciplined and shunned. Right now he is in self preservation mode. Reality has struck and he is trying to save himself. He more than likely, believes that if he is disfellowshipped, his actual life is on the line, if armageddon were to come, before he is reinstated. He is in fear for the only life he has known. Yet, if he does truly love you, he's going to start missing you, and try to reinstate contact with you, probably sooner than later (if he hasn't already) This is a rollercoaster that can last for years. Are you willing to go through that for him, even if you might not end up together, in the end? My best advice to you is, be strong. Let him know you love him no matter what, but if he won't choose you, over his family, you're gone, for good. Period! And mean it.
Truth is, He can still choose you, marry you, and remain a witness (as long as you're ok with that. I recommend you do extensive research into what that would mean for you and any children you two may have) He will just have to make sacrifices, which he will do, if he truly loves you. You need to be willing to live your life, with or without him.
Take note of the one who scanned over his phone.. this sort of controlling nosiness is quite common among sects where members get (imaginary) brownie points by seeking to know the personal bits of others lives.
And to add to that, JW's believe it's their duty to report any "wrong doing" they may find out about and can even be disciplined themselves if they don't....and that's not the half of it.
As someone who lost a father at 60 and father in law at 48 because they refused a blood transfusion, you need to know that JW's are prepared to die and let their spouse and children die rather than take a life saving blood transfusion. If you were to pursue a permanent relationship with your JW boyfriend and one day have children or need blood yourself, he'd be torn as to whether or not to save them/you at the expense of his and their "eternal" salvation. His family and fellow JW's would pressure him to allow them to die and he'd be disciplined if he didn't . This is not an exaggeration.
You'd either have to become a believing JW yourself, go from door to door preaching, not celebrate Holidays or Birthdays and not vote or he would be disciplined (disfellowshipped) for continuing a relationship with you. If he was disciplined or left the religion altogether, his family and friends would have nothing more to do with him.
2 Corinthians 6:13 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership can righteousness have with wickedness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?
Genesis 24:3 and I will have you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I am dwelling,
To JW's you are an "unbeliever" " and your are a "daughter of the Canaanites" because you are "of the world" and not a JW. To them, he is a danger to them because he is seeing you and he must be disciplined to protect the congregation because they have the "light" and you are in "darkness".
This hurts now, but in the long run you'll be better off that this happened.
That is why i cant blame him for his decision. I am deeply hurt by it but i cant blame him i know he is going to lose more than what i have lost since he has no friends outside the congregation and his family were the first one whi could disown him anytime if he chooses our relationship and thats the least thing i would want him to do. I should have been prepared for the consequences i just didnt expect it to happen too soon. I tried to breakup with him a lot of times but he wouldnt give up on us despite our relationship being hidden. Its painful but the mere fact that i saw him making efforts to see me made me understand how hard it is for him too. I am just so crushed right now because of the fact that no matter what i do being an outsider means nothing do them. They would throw away even their relatives just for their congregation. I feel like theyre worshipping the WT instead of the real god. I just feel bad for both of us as well as people who got shunned because they have nowhere to go and it must really be devastating seeing your loved ones ignore you.
the reason i asked your gender was if you were male--then as far as the JW's are concerned--thats a whole new big no-no.
but that doesnt apply in your case--obviously--so its one less problem to deal with.