my parents were not young when i was born, but both came form unstable and abusive homes.They parented the way they were shown. there was no Dr. Phil to watch and get help from. it does not erase the hurt and harm, but i have learned as i got a bit older that all u can do is acknowledge where u made mistakes and try and correct them. I married very young, so was my hubby. We made many mistakes. When i realized what we had done, i got in theapy and worked as hard as i could to help my fmaily become less dysfunctional. My kids will probably never forgive me until they experience parenthood and all its challenges.
Can we forgive our parents??????????
by LyinEyes 57 Replies latest forum announcements
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arancia
All your comments are very well put it,some very sad.I am a mom,a migrant from Italy.The start in this country was far from easy,i am sure you understand what I want to say.Our daugheter was only 18months old .Our conditions on arrival in this country were not sooo good,we have had to learn a totally diferent culture,language etc etc.So far so good,the point is ,made as we all are,can be possible some errors can occure on the way?how many of you have children and can put the hand up and say "I am good ,I am the best up to this day, I have never made mistakes".I say to you , you are very wrong,we all do.I have to admit there are things that you can not forget,but ,only but,are you sure you will never do something that can be unforgettable? Not every thing was in those days pink,but I ccould see the effort they must have had to put in to it to support the lifes of nine kids.I will always love them for all the things they did to us.
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shera
I wasn't raised a JW,but my father wasn't what you call a great dad.He was an abusive alcoholic and died when I was 14.
Something I have been thinking about doing,is going to his grave and get all my anger out and greive.I never really cried for him only at his funeral.Something I'm going to do soon. Everytime I start to cry for him,I stop myself,thinking he doesn't deserve this.Time to move on.
After his death,I developed a temper I never had.I'm 33 now but I'm able to control myself,but I still have this anger inside of me and I know a lot of it has to do with my father.I have to forgive and stop being angry at him for I can be happier.I deserve it.We all do.
As for my mother,she is one of the sweetest,kindest person.Nothing to forgive.
Heather
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Lady Lee
Shera
Mourning or grieving in some cases has nothing to do with crying FOR the person. For me it had to do with mourning all the things that should have happened and didn't. I should have had a dad that loved me. I didn't. I can cry about that. I should have had a dad who was there for me and I could talk to. I didn't. I should have had a dad who was there to walk me down the aisle and dance at my wedding. I didn't I can cry about that.
Never having his shoulder to cry on, never to have him smile and let me know I was his special girl None of that. Quiet walks or playing Nothing All just dreams of what could have been if he had been different but never happened. Those are the things we need to cry for So let yourself do it when you are ready.
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shera
((((Lady Lee))))
Thanks a bunch for that...I will.
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Lady Lee
Arancia
By no means was I a perfect parent. I struggled so hard not to make my parents mistakes. The obvious things were easy. I never swore at them or called them names. But I did spank them, probably because I had no other idea how to handle them. When I left and got therapy I learned other ways and I only hit once after I left. I also stopped the screaming. I was more in control as a parent after I left. Could I have done better. Absolutely. I have told my daughters I am sorry. I did what I could to change. And yes I still feel bad for some of the things I did.
But you know that doesn't change my relationship with MY parents. I can understand why they did what they choose but some things really are too much.
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mouthy
Who do I forgive? The war put me in many differant homes with strangers who made me work hard from the age of 12. My Mother had nervous breakdowns ..So I was shipped out to folks who didnt really want me. Then when I was 15> I flipped for a Canadian( I am a Limey) had to get married at 16 yrs of age.
Came to Canada Hated it!!! Couldnt speak French( which was spoken where I was) My husband drank a lot- he was only 19 yrs old ( a kid) Had 4 kids by the age of 21 - Jws called -Became one of them . Took beatings from my hubby because I wouldnt stop preaching....Lost 3 kids in death -one to the Wt.
Who do I forgive??? Hitler? My Parents for being to young? Me for "sinning" The people who took me in & used me? The WT for "mindcontolling me? No I have to forgive MYSELF & I cant...
Hey folks how come we are so morbid today!!!!!?????
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chachasmum
Mouthy
I would'ent call it morbid, i would say people who wrote were responding to their feelings. For alot of folks sadness and anger is what came through as i was reading the posts. Also there is alot of identification. We relate to each others pain in some way or another.
Lyin
I always connect with your posts, and admire the fact you are able to share so much of your soul with people here. I have never told my story here and maybe one day will. I think you help alot of people here by sharing your pain and the things you have gone through.
