Thank you all for your advice. It is helping me keep a somewhat clear head. And it’s helping me deal with the elders.
With my wife, things are changing daily, so it’s getting harder for me to follow a plan.
She & I love each other very much, and I know that the emotions that are dictating her actions are due in a large part to the WTS and the advice she is getting from this Nazi Elder and his wife. They are best of friends with my wife and have known her longer than I have. Moving to another congregation would be great, but it ain’t gonna happen. She has these two here, plus the rest of her ‘friends’.
So here is the latest. The other night I get home from work and my wife is quiet and visibly upset and starts crying. She wants the ‘old’ husband back. The one that studied, prayed, went out in service, etc. She said that she would have left me years ago if it weren’t for the Troof. It’s the thing that kept us together she said, and now if we don’t have that, she doesn’t know what will happen with us.
Then she starts firing Q’s at me about what I believe in. I knew that wasn’t going to be productive with the state of mind that she was in. Her defenses were up, and she viewed anything I even slightly hinted at RE questioning the WTS authority as a direct attack on Jehovah.
She would admit that yes, they make mistakes, but of course the crutch is that they are imperfect.
Mrs. W: “Who else uses the name Jehovah?”
Mr. W: “Well, only JW’s.”
Mrs. W: “Doesn’t that show that we are a chosen people for his name?”
Mr. W: “Well I’m not sure if were are supposed to use the name Jehovah as much as we do. The WTS freely admits that the ‘restored’ God’s name to the New Testament.”
Mrs. W: “So, it’s still in the Old Testament and is God’s name, right?”
Mr. W: “Yes it is. But if God was able to see that his written word was preserved throughout these centuries, even through years when the Catholic Church persecuted people for reading the Bible, how come he couldn’t preserve his name ‘Jehovah’ in the Bible? How come God needed the WTS to add it back into the Bible for him?”
Mrs. W: “We can’t question how Jehovah works. He does hide things from the haughty and reveals it to the humble.”
Mr. W: “But is says specifically in the Bible that we are not supposed to add or take anything away from the Bible, but the WTS has done that. Even Paul said that if he or the angels would come and say something different than what they originally taught that the first century Christians were supposed to reject it. Why should we accept the WTS changing words in the Bible?”
Mrs. W: “No wonder the elders have a hard time talking to you, you are completely unreasonable! You nitpick at the littlest thing and just focus on the negative! What about the fact that we have so many nice people in the organization? People who were once drug addicts, drunkards, and other bad things but have not changed their lives around?!”
Mr. W: “Well the WTS isn’t the only religion that can turn someone’s life around. We hear of people who were once bad but then turn their life around after they become associated with a religion, or even become born-again [she can’t stand born-again Christians BTW].
Mrs. W: “You’re impossible! Nothing is ever good enough for you!”
Mr. W: “Look at how you’re reacting right now. You’re yelling and screaming at me, and I’m talking to you in a calm and collected manner. Who seems to be acting more in line with the fruits of the spirit here? Shouldn’t that tell you something?”
Mrs. W: “I’m going through depression right now, I can’t help it!”
It didn’t end on that note. She would say that she doesn’t want to talk about this anymore with me [I didn’t think I should be talking with her either, it didn’t seem to be getting anywhere] and then she’d get up to grab Kleenex, then come back and start asking me more Q’s. It was exhausting.
The only glimmer of hope was this. During our talking, she said that if I really thought that the WTS was so bad, how come I’m not doing everything I can to get her out?
I asked her what makes her think that I wasn’t trying to rescue her? She said that it didn’t look like I was ever reading my Bible, that I didn’t study for meetings, or go out in service. If it was her that thought that I was in danger, she said that she would be doing everything that she could to get me out. I told her I was doing everything that I that I could do that she could receive well. And based on how she was reacting that night, there wasn’t much that I could say or do with her. She was much too defensive, which is understandable for a JW. I wanted to grab CoC, or Steve Hassan’s “Releasing the Bonds’ book, but I knew that was a big no-no. To me though it sounded like she was open to hearing something to get her out. That was hopeful for me.
After 2 hours of that, I wanted to get out for some fresh air and let things settle down. So I told her in a calm manner that I was stepping out for a while and that I’d be back later after things settled down.
When I came home, she was in bed. The next morning she was acting like nothing ever happened, and even seemed a bit overly nice to me. I come to find out that she went out with the Nazi Elder’s wife, her good buddy, and talked when I was out that night. When I saw this wife at the meeting Sunday, she was so sugary sweet to me it was sickening.
Now my wife is acting the same way. Waaayyy over the top sugary sweet. Like we are living in Pleasantville.
It reminds me of Arnold S in the movie ‘Total Recall’. When he is on Mars and the scientist comes in the room telling Arnold’s character that he has to stop the dream. And then Arnold’s wife played by Sharon Stone comes in and talks to Arnold treating him way over the top sugary-sweet asking him to just come back and she misses him, etc.
How my wife is acting now seems so contrived, like someone does to a new Bible Study when they first come to the KH. My wife and I are generally very affectionate and nice to each other, but how she is now is just waaaayyyyy to creepy. It’s like someone sucked my wife’s brains out and then reprogrammed her. Which, unfortunately is closer to the truth of the matter when one is dealing with the WTS.
I guess my glimmer of hope is that she may be hinting for some type of information that she can grab on to that will let her start doubting the WTS and to see why I have the Q’s that I do. She makes her decisions based on almost wholly on emotions, not because of some doctrine issue.
The info and the UN, the house cleaning in 1980, the 607/587 issue, the blood issue, none of these things will make her change her viewpoint. She is drawn to the ‘nice’ people in the organization. That these people are ‘happy’ and can be ‘trusted’. That she knows that Jehovah answers her prayers.
I’m not sure what to do next. I have to read faster in the ‘Releasing the Bonds’ book to see how to allow herself to Q the cult.
Best,
Winston.