Dear brothers and sisters
After many years outside of the truth, living as an atheist, I have come to realise that I have been on the wrong path. The fool has said in his heart that there is no god, and I have been a fool. The other day I had an experience that proved to me that not only is god real, but that JWs are god's chosen people.
As I was walking down the local highstreet looking for somewhere to buy some cotton wool, I noticed the trees, I'd never really looked at them before. They are so beautiful in their simplicity and yet so complex at the same time. How can such complexity have come about by chance? There must be a god
Then as I was walking home with my newfound faith, preparing to return to god in a private way, perhaps as an independent born-again Christian, I slipped over and bumped my head. At first I thought this must be Satan the devil trying to knock the holy spirit out of me, but then I saw what had made me fall, it was a discarded JW tract! It was a sign from Jehovah himself, how can such a coincidence have occurred by chance? Jehovah had knocked some sense into me at last! I immediately ran home, dug out my battered old song book from the closet and began singing praises to Jehovah from my bedroom window, for all the neighbourhood to hear, I continued well into the evening hours
Later that night, as I was preparing to dedicate my life and baptise myself in the shower, I was arrested for disturbing the peace with my singing. I figured this was Jehovah manoeuvring events so as to give me some loving correction for using the out-of-date song book. I repented and praised Jehovah for adjusting my thinking so tenderly, like the loving father he is
The following day I went from door to door, preaching the good news. One householder said to me that he is a Catholic, I laughed in his face and told him how foolish he is for believing in such obvious nonsense as the trinity and hellfire, he replied that he isn't a very strict Catholic and doesn't know much about those things, he asked me to explain them. I left his doorstep at that moment as I don't really know anything about them either, just that they're obviously wrong. What a poor lost idiot that man is. His house is nice though, perhaps I'll live there in the new system, when he's dead
Since then I've returned to the meetings, been given microphone privileges (see how the blessings pour in when you have faith?), I've met some lovely sisters, some as young as 55, and I've even had visions of Jesus, so I'm planning to write my own gospel soon and submit it to the WTS for inclusion in the next edition of the new world translation. I won't be partaking at the next memorial though, I'm not crazy
Truly I have returned to the path of righteousness that leads to everlasting life! Return to the fold at once everyone, please, before Armageddon comes, it will be here soon and your lives are at stake!
Edit: Turns out the trees I saw were those fake plastic ones, so never mind