Governing Body trying to control marital relationships

by Whynot 33 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • TD

    Pale Emperor,

    I hope you don't mind if I use your comment to flesh out what a professional marriage counselor would say.

    I sincerely hope that anyone im married to loves our kids more than me

    A healthy family starts with a healthy marriage, which means your spouse needs to be your priority. I know that may sound counterintuitive, but it makes sense when you think about it.

    Men are prone to prioritizing their jobs over their wives and rationalizing it as being, "for the good of the family." After all, food and clothing and shelter cost money and that doesn't grow on trees.

    Little by little, the things that make a marriage enjoyable and worthwhile fade away and in the end, they are not materially different than a divorced couple living under the same roof.

    Similarly, women have a tendency to prioritize their children over their husbands and rationalizing it in a very similar way.

    And the exact same thing happens. The relationship withers and in the end, they are for all intents and purposes, a divorced couple whose only common interest is the children.

    And anybody who thinks children do not pick up on this is fooling themselves.

    I think the offense here is that the CO's advice was one-sided and therefore hypocritical. (i.e. I doubt very much if he thinks wives are more important than Elder meetings.)

    The JW faith is notorious for stealing time away from couples to the detriment of marriages. Depending upon what you read, a married couple needs 8 - 12 hours of quality time together for the relationship to be healthy.

  • blownaway

    What a stupid thing to even say from the platform. Not only is every situation different but its very Juvenile to do the what if type of question. Would you let your wife pose for playboy, If you had to chose a member of your family to die, bla bla bla. For kids its part of growing up, but for an adult to do it from the stage of a church is creepy and stupid.

  • Whynot

    @TD I have also been to marriage counseling. Yes, they do encourage us to make sure we're not neglecting our spouse (we have 3 kids, 2 with special needs). It just think it's horrible to suggest to "love your children less." This is insane.

    But I completely understand suggesting to spend time as a married couple. Making sure your spouse feels loved and appreciated which I think is extremely important. It also helps the children feel safe.

  • Giordano

    I don't believe I have ever seen a swing set or a sliding board on the property of any Kingdom Hall. I can give you five or six reasons but the bottom line is........ they never gave a crap.

    The Kingdom Hall always looked and smelled like a Doctor or Dentist's practice. It is still and quite..........but not in a good way.

    There is nothing for the eye to rest on. In most Halls not even a window to look out of....... you can hear the rain falling but you can't see it. What you can look at is the pasty faces of the brothers and sisters sitting under the florescent lights like vampires hoping for a feast.

    Of course there was always the presence of that 8 foot panel over the podium with that one f*&^ing scripture on it. A scripture chosen because it fit ..........Jesus H Jones that still pisses me off all these years later that we had to stare at that for an entire year.

    With the end of the year another dimwitt at Bethel comes up with a new lame quote. That brother....... like a Playboy magazine cover can claim bragging rights to being Brother 1968 (name your own year) which will be the high light of his career at Bethel.

    The congregation is quite. You can hear the pages of their bibles whispering as the friends race to read the scripture that the speaker is already in the process of reading. He finishes before they get there then it's on to the next scripture. It's a slow motion race with no end in sight .

    He amplifies (it's always a HE) his justification of each scripture even though it has been 'borrowed' from another subject...basically ripped out of its nest to serve a higher principle..... misdirection without content.

    In my ten years of attending I can not remember more then a very few times when the congregation laugh out loud. Or sat there with big smiles on their faces. Most sat there tensely waiting for someone to exit the one stall bathroom.

    I can not remember any talk that raised my curiosity...that compelled me to go to the local town library and do some research. The intellectual curiosity began and ended with that 8 foot panel over the podium and the reek of newly printed WT'S and Awake magazines.

    Go into any Christian church and there are things for children, separate rooms, usually on a lower floor maybe even a day care center, a children's library. The Children's 'Sunday' School room etc. A humble playground. Those children actually get to make noise...... even laugh.

    On the bulletin board a schedule of events like the annual family picnic, a family day, visit to the zoo. Discussion groups for adults etc.

    Going to church, unless you were raised Jewish or Catholic, who placed a heavy burden of piety on their followers, was looked forward to by most children.

    Since there was little to no substance for the JW children apart from their teenage relationships and hyper sexual awakening.......there was little reason to remain as an adult.

    Goodness the lack of a little more education really shows up among Jehovah's people.

  • ttdtt

    Keep in mind - many COs have their own agenda and say what they want.

    We had one who HATED Disney.

    We had one who HATED Star Trek.

    They made their feelings well know, though not sanctioned specifically by the GB.

  • Xanthippe

    To the JWs children are pioneer and bethel fodder and if they decide to leave becasue they don't believe it parents have to act as if they died. Happiest families in the world, not!

  • Vidiot
    Whynot - "Governing Body trying to control marital relationships..."

    No oral! In the dark! Under the covers! With as much clothes on as possible!

    And for God's sake, try not to enjoy it too much!!!

  • steve2

    I think the whole slant of the question about who do you love more is wrong-headed to begin with. It's the kind of question a nonparent would ask and it smacks of being juvenile-minded.

    What parent ever gets out a percentage calculator and tries to calculate who in their immediate family they love more and who they love less? It makes no sense. Love is love is love. And its absence cannot be guilted into action.

  • stuckinarut2

    Yes, Steve is right.

    It shouldn't be a matter of "which do you love more". Love for family members is just that -Love.

    Why does there have to be a choice between which is greater?


    I think it’s bullshit when mothers put their husbands in second place. That’s one of the reasons my marriage eventually failed.

    You can marry someone because they are the love of your life, but then once you have a child you love that person less?!? That’s effed up…

    The same thing applies to a husband who stops loving his wife once she gives him a child. That’s bullshit too.

    If you can’t continue to love and respect the person that you married just because you have children, then you should never have been married.


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