boy have I changed......

by Ravyn 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Ravyn

  I don't know if I am happy about it or sad....
  

  I had a wonderful week end---no in-laws, and we went to a Pagan Pride Festival on Sunday. First day I could get out of the house all Summer. It was nice, even tho we went after it was more than half over because of my limited stamina. Took my wheel chair, packed a gourmet picnic(cornish game hens in a curry apple sauce and cheeses and croissants with orange spice tea...), enjoyed the goreous 2 hour trip into the Shenandoah Valley, even brought tons of canned goods for the local Food Bank which was the admission price and some cat food too for the homeless familliars....

  The festival was small time, but very pleasant, the band was OK, the drumming circle was better--the ritual was laughable but they get an "A" for effort....the vendors were all local--which was nice to know so many are in the area. The park it was in was absolutely beautiful, the lake sparkling, the bathrooms spotless and the atmosphere was safer than any DC I ever attended! People had their money boxes and purses right out in the open and left strollers with all their gear parked outside the pavillion where we all ate and listened to the band....but what do you expect from a bunch of third generation hippies and witches? Everyone knew everyone basically and if anything untoward happened I have a feeling the criminal would rather deal with the local cops than their peers...(hint--don't steal from a witch unless you know for sure that you are a better witch...)

  Yesterday was a pleasant afterglow of the festival...listened to Lorena McKennitt, Chieftains, Waterboys, Irish Rovers, Enya CDs all day, read a little went online for while and talked to my sister, did a complete rosary(and even listened to my CD of the Pope doing it--he had a great voice when he was younger and healthier!) Lee worked very late yesterday--some road construction crew cut a main cable line...but he still stayed up and we talked spirituality for a couple of hours before we finally fell asleep.

  This morning I had a series of short weird dreams...the only thing that I could idnetify as being reality based was the setting---each one was set in the background of something from my childhood...one with my sister, one with my long-gone Aunt Tillie and my mother, another one with my old bedroom in my old house ...and I woke up feeling ---I don't know---kinda sad. Definitely disturbed. So after I got Lee's breakfast and lunch and made sure he did not go to work in his PJs(and he would!) I went back to bed to try and erase some of the disturbance. But it only got worse. This time I dreamed of my old backyard and all my deceased pets and I dreamed Lee had another accident at work....I woke up disoriented only about an hour later. So I decided to get up and stay up.

  The cats start bugging me about going out...they are inside cats but they have a cage, and since we moved here last February it has not been put together because the weather has not been nice enough. So I decided to do them a favor and put up the cage. I am trying to figure out how to fit it on the step where I can watch them, we don't have porch at this house and the cage is large. So I am out there, sweating in the warmth of direct sunlight--which is probably NOT a good idea for me--and I decide the only way I can fit it on the step is to put it in one corner where the hose is. So I move the hose. It is a big heavy stiff hose coiled in the corner. I scrap it across the rough concrete. And as I look down I see a horrible sight! A dear little lizard, who always sits on the window sill and teases the cats was under the hose and I crushed him! OMG! I am crying just typing this! I can't believe I was so careless and killed that sweet little lizard! he was so tiny and so fragile and so pretty and very friendly and I just squashed the life right out of his poor little body! I picked him up and tried to will life back into him, but I knew he was dead. His tail was ripped off and it was close to his body, so I know he couldn't recover. I feel so bad! How could I DO that? I was just talking to some iguanas at the festival and they were so alert and friendly to me...the boy who owned them said they liked me and that they do not try to 'taste'(lick) everyone--so I must be the Goddess to them...yeah well some Goddess! I was the Goddess of Death to that poor poor creature who was so natural and innocent! I took his little broken body down the steps and found a nice shady spot near the tomato plants and left him on the step, still hoping that maybe he was just in shock and would somehow recover....and as I sat him on the edge of the bottom step in the shade, I saw something sticking out of the ground in the tangles of the tomatoes...

  I picked it up and it was a Venus Rising From The Waves piece that looked like it came from a birdbath or something...she was broken at the knees and lying face down and dirty. I brought her in to clean her up. I am not sure if the Goddess is telling me something or not. I left the slug (that was crawling on her) out by the lizard. I sprayed the step down with water to cool the concrete. But I know when I look again the lizard will still be there, lifeless.

  I can't believe I am crying my eyes out about this! When I was a JW I would not have given a second thought to stepping on it in service if it happened to be on the step I was standing on! I even try to give spiders the benefit of the doubt now--even thought I really really do not like spiders. I left a huge one on the front door until it webbed us in and Lee got it with a broom.

  Awakening SUCKS! (either that or it is menopause--in which case Cronage SUCKS!)

  well looks like I am going to have a lizard funeral sometime today. The plaster Venus I found will have some part in the ritual I am sure, just dont know what yet.

  Ravyn
• 

  Ravyn

  help! I need Old Crow Woman! what can I do to honor(and apologise) to Lizard? (when I went back out there to look -the ants had started their job...so he is truly dead....)

  Ravyn
• 

  Hamas

  Wow

  I can't say anything that may be anything of any help.

  But please know Ravs that I think you are an amazing woman and I really admire you... so please be happy and strong hun ; I always love reading your posts hun
• 

  wednesday

  u know Ravyn, i hit a squirel (sorry i am blank as how to spell that now) . he was crossing the road and well, he didn't make it. I felt the bamp on my wheels. he didn't die right away, left convulsing in the street. I knew he needed to die, b/c he was seriously injured. Next i loked , he was dead. I felt bad for days about that, and even now as i write this, can still see him.

  Maybe this is a PMS day for me.
• 

  Xandria

  We come to bid farewell to ______.
  By Nature's sacred law, each life must end,
  so others may be born upon the earth.
  Each soul is made unique and lives awhile,
  before returning to the womb from which
  all life is born. Although we all must die,
  we're always sad to wish a friend good-bye.

  [Make the Manus Cornuta (Horned Hand: first and fourth fingers extended from fist) with right hand. Trace Invoking Pentagram (top to lower left) while saying following.]

  We make the Horns of Nature, wild and fierce,
  the crescent moon, to call the Queen of Beasts.
  Descend to us from Heaven, this we pray;
  allow this soul to speed upon its way.

  Breath deep three times; inhale all Nature's breath,
  the cosmic soul, where we return at death.

  [Everyone takes three deep breaths.]

  In your mind's eye now look toward the West,
  and see the land where dwell the spirits blest.

  [Point first and middle fingers of right hand to animal's body and say the following.]

  By every holy name, my little friend,
  I bid you to accept your short life's end,
  and leave behind your spirit's earthly shell,
  of no more use, although it served you well.
  May Artemis protect you on your way,
  from us your friends, and from the light of day.

  [Take up some or all of grave gifts.]

  We bless these gifts, which gave you joy in life,
  to speed your way until your journey's end,
  so you may venture forth with little strife.
  You will not be forgotten, little friend.
  Let each remember, or just say good-bye,
  in silence or out loud, as they think right.

  [Each person may say what he or she remembers about the animal, just say good-bye, or remember in silence. This may be done informally, while depositing the grave goods, or by passing a talking stick, which is deposited after all have held it. This is a good time for saying prayers, reading poems. The Priest speaks last; after personal reminiscences, he or she continues as follows.]

  We won't forget the joy you've brought our lives;
  though gone from earth, in us your soul survives.

  [Take up sprig of evergreen.]

  Through seasons warm and cold, the evergreen
  grows on; through Nature's life and death it's seen.

  [Lay evergreen on grave.]

  Perhaps you too will come to us again,
  to share our lives in love, and be our friend.

  For now your soul is free.
  Farewell and blessed be.

  [Throw kiss. Flowers etc. may be placed on grave at this time.]

  The Rite is done.

  found in the Biblioteca Arcana ~ Funeral for Pet or Animal.. and you must do a cleansing before. It was an accident and nothing more.

  X.
• 

  shotgun

  Ravyn you have some amazing dreams.....And the day to day life is getting pretty amazing too.

  Take care
• 

  RAYZORBLADE

  (((Ravyn))) - that was a wonderful read, and also very touching.

  I am so the same, I won't harm come to too many critters. I know when I lived in Atlantic Canada, I'd come across newts and salamanders, and sometimes I'd swear they were dead, and somehow surprisingly come out of their 'shock' (like an opossum) and self heal, then move on.

  It must be incredibly refreshing to find a space and community that you feel safe and welcomed in. That's so important.

  A friend of mine, locally, has a website with a cute animal link (Coco - the cockatoo), and other pagan-related items:

  http://www.soulbody.ca - his name is Franco.

  You're a kind soul Ravyn, and when that boy said that the iguana licked you, yeah....that tells me/others plenty. The little lizard that may have died, was not killed intentionally. I know, it doesn't make you feel any better, but I can relate. I am constantly moving animals/critters here in my apartment compound, out of reach of hurtful children, who torture anything that moves. I take them into my backpack, and place them in a park or some area where it is shaded, and not heavily trafficed.

  Spiders are always welcome in my apartment. They help solve my fly/mosquito problem, naturally. So they get protection, and provide me with a natural means of pest control. Great symbiotic relationship.

  I enjoyed your post Ravyn.

  I have a feeling that the little lizard has some baby offspring nearby, so he/she's youngens, are carrying their parents DNA, and will remain nearby doing what little lizards do.

  Take care Ravyn.
• 

  bittersweet

  awwww.....what a kind soul you are.((((((((((( Ravyn ))))))))))

  I hit a squirrel last week, and I still feel horrible about. That sick, terrible feeling in your stomach knowing you are responsible for taking away anothers life.
• 

  KiraNOTKaren

  That's odd, I am Ravyn's sister and yesterday a baby blue tailed lizard got in the kitchen door and I grabbed a broom to sweep him out and off went his tail... He got out though, but I don't know where he went.

  ~Kira
• 

  Valis

  Ravyn...how about lizard in a white wine sauce...with shallots perhaps?

  SIncerely,

  District Overbeer