I can't do it anymore. (page 6)

Nosferatu

Gadget, I commented on one of your posts a while ago on this situation. I'm glad you've been doing some thinking about this whole situation.

What's happening is you're still being controlled by the WTS - through your fiance. JWs are taught to love the Organization first, and then other humans. Your fiance loves the org much more than she loves you. If she had a true love for you, she wouldn't let the org or your disfellowshipping get in the way of her feelings for you. Unfortunately, she's allowing it to happen.

You're obviously being dragged down by all of this. You cannot base your happiness on one person, you have to base your happiness on yourself. Do what's right for you. Do what's going to make you happy IN THE LONG RUN. If your gut feeling is telling you that this is only doomed for destruction, then put an end to it.

It's a difficult thing to leave someone you care about, but doesn't care as much about you. Here's my recipe for a successful recovery:

1) Set a date to break up
2) Stick to your date, and do it.
3) Take a week and mope about it. Take a week off work if you need to. Work on convincing yourself that it's over.
4) Rebound. Find ANY available girl to date, even if she's ugly. This will help you get a sense of moving on.
5) Make some personal changes such as new clothes, new piercing, hairstyle, etc. Again, it gives you a sense of moving on.
6) Make a list of what you want and don't want in a woman.
7) Begin your journey finding this woman of your dreams. Date A LOT.

Memories fade with time. The quicker you get this over with, the quicker you can move on with your life.

Good luck, and glad to hear you moved out of your parents' house! It's great, isn't it?

avishai

Yeah, I'm gonna agree with LT on this one, sounds like she's been playing the suicide card for quite awhile. I had that done to me for a LOOOONG time. Finally, I just had to accept, hey if she does it, she does it, I'm not responsible, & I left. Plus, do you really want someone who runs off & tattles on you all the time.

kgfreeperson

Perhaps I don't understand how this works, but if you've been working on getting reinstated, doesn't that mean that you've already been disfellowshipped? If that's the case, what more can the elders do? I cannot imagine any reason why you would talk to elders or "Os" of any kind. No minds can be changed; no understandings can be reached--it can only be miserable for you. I can only imagine how difficult this must be. You're in my thoughts.

95stormfront

Right now I can't talk to my wife about any of the Q's that I have RE the WTS; and it's really tough. If I do, she runs to the elders with it so that they can 'correct' my thinking.

Based upon your last post about your meeting with them they haven't been pretty successful at that.

HOw it going between you and them anyway.

Angharad

(((Gadget)))

Just seen this thread. Sorry things are so tough right now. You've got some great advice from this thread, I hope you can work things out one way or another soon

Valis

Gadget...another perspective. Dude, get out of that relationship while the getting's good. If she is dragging the PO and elders into your private life the way should be clear. That's the way it will be your entire married life, kind of like being married to the mob, but bibles instead of machine guns...*LOL* Anyway, I'm sorry you are having it hard time, but think ahead and envision what your life will be like in a year or two, you'll be going to meetings and be miserable AND you'll have the whole congregation in your business. Dude! Go find yourself a good, not so crazy woman, and get on with your life. There are plenty of them out there.

Sincerely,

District overbeer

Elsewhere

If she is dragging the PO and elders into your private life the way should be clear. That's the way it will be your entire married life

Very true. It is obvious that she is incapable to handling personal problems on her own. When I was an MS, I remember elders telling me about nightmare brothers and sisters who were constantly wanting to tell them all of their personal business and then asking the elders what to do.

She is one of those people.

Gadget

I was talking to her before I went to work last night, and she's still reall stressed but not as bad as sunday. She kept asking why I was leaving her, but I told her I was leaving a religion not her, its thats saying shes leaving me. This seemed to make her think a lot. And there was a message from my mam on the answer machine saying she had someimportant things she needed to discuss with me....

new piercing

I like the sound of that, or maybe another tattoo.

Wolfgirl

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. :(

Big Tex

The phrase emotional blackmail has been used, and it's one that I think has merit. But I want to say it is possible her behavior is partly due to her conditioning by the Witnesses. In other words, she would view leaving the organization as leaving her, and in distress she behaved like a good little JW and called the elders. Her fantastic mood swings could be a result of her own inner fears and conflict regarding the organization. It is terrifying to leave, and if one is not as stable as others, it could cause the behavior you're describing.

Having said that, I think it is clear she has some issues that would stand in the way of a long lasting and stable relationship. This situation might fall under the heading of "Careful what you ask for as you just might get it". Forgive me, but in the long run you might come out better for knowing this about her.

I can't do it anymore.

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