BTW I do not feel any guilt or obligation to them. I only worry about my wife. I know what its like. My father was a rel ass. He treated his boys like crap. He would loan money and buy things for people he knew but would not cross the street to pee on any of us if we were on fire. But I still felt like I had to help out when it was terminally ill. But if he had no money reserves I would not have paid a dime of my money to help. Time to help him was one thing but money no way. He was abusive as a parent, physically and mostly mentally. So I know that even though a parent can be a dirt bag you still feel for them. But I have pushed and worked very hard over my life. I am at a point where we are setting good for our retirement lookout but not if I start to take on others.
Wifes parents are in a bad way.
by blownaway 17 Replies latest jw experiences
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blownaway
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steve2
I am at a point where we are setting good for our retirement lookout but not if I start to take on others.
Good point, blownaway. It is wise to set boundaries.
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Tapioca
Your worry about how your wife is going to hold up is a wonderful trait to have! So admirable! If you are able to support her, just emotionally, it will go a long way. Others here have posted excellent suggestions on reasonable paths to explore. Certainly, that disability qualification should be addressed again and again. Parents may be eligible for services and not know about it. Filing paperwork and making calls may be the kind of help your wife can give without too much stress. But you and she must discuss it and be quite clear as to what "help" means and how much is too much!
This is such a terrible situation--no winners here. More and more, there will be exJWs who will be helping out parents and other relatives who did not plan ahead. Good for you for making plans ahead of time for your retirement. You should not be guilt-ed into compromising it for ANYone!
Good luck.
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blownaway
My wife said her sister was acting like it was a hard thing to do, to look up or find the HQ address for dollar General the former employer of her daughter to keep her food stamps going. I looked it up on line in about 30 seconds. But she can run facebook all day long.
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dubstepped
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Are they asking for help? Are they working toward better things? I will help someone that asks, but of course I'll teach them how to fish rather than giving them one. Otherwise, they get to live their lives as poorly as they want. Not your problem my friend, nor your wife's.
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Virgochik
It really makes you angry. My parents were given money to send me to college. Instead they spent it on themselves. When my grandfather passed, they inherited a sizeable nest egg. Did they remodel their run down house? No. They retired early and pioneered. The house had a leaky foundation and terrible mold in the basement, plus a severe rodent infestation.
Dad died, Mom had to move out of the condemned house. She's now in a tiny rented apartment, subsidized by the state, free utilities, and complaining about it. Why did this happen? Because why fix up the house or pay for life insurance, when the end is so near?
Now apparently I'm lacking in natural affection, because I'm retired and not feeling all that sorry for her. I worked for thirty seven years and earned my retirement. We're on a budget because hubby is retiring too. While I worked, she rode around door knocking, la la la. No financial planning on my parents part at all. I blame their naivety and I blame the scammers at Watchtower who encouraged this.
Mom is still urging me to return to the meetings.
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LoisLane looking for Superman
Your father in law quit his well paying job WITH retirement benefits before the supposed Big A coming right around the corner in 1975 and went off to help "where the need was great" knocking uninvited on strangers doors to help supposed erring ones gain salvation.
Now that I am awake and out... all of the above sounds so crazy.
You and I know doing what he did, scored big brownie points with his circuit overseer. I would be surprised if your father in law and his family were not trotted on stage for a few years at least to SHAME the rest of us that did not quit our job or sell our home to put Knorr, Fred Franz and their BUSINESS CORPORATION first.
Sure I am human and understand where your wife is coming from but you and she need to put yourselves first... NOT her parents.
Knorr, Franz and all of those other crooks... NEVER put their lives at risk for ANYONE. They rode first class all the way to their... eventual deaths. All of us will die. Did we build an empire like Knorr and Franz did? No. They told us to put their interests first. To help build up their business. Your father in law and mother in law did with their decades of life what they wanted to do. Help build Knorr's and Franz's business plan into a huge tax free corporation. Giving freely of their time and money.
Your father in law is so far into the FOG and down the rabbit hole that he will probably have his obituary written up stating what a faithful witness to that old desert god that likes murder and rape and slavery so much... and be proud that he has stayed a steadfast fool all of these many decades.
Have you spoken to him about these promises "Millions Now Living Will Never Die" that Knorr and Franz made that gullibly made him chose to give up so much... and follow Knorr and Fred Franz's pied piper words?
All of your father in law's words that he tells you come from a poor brain washed man that never used his thinking and reasoning skills. Brain washed, zombie. Poor guy possibly never even knew he was attending cult introduction meetings all his life and gave up his life to go recruit more innocents for JW..org to chew up, use, and spit out.
Yes, I can feel sorry for him and that's it.
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smiddy3
I would just like to add that your wife`s parents bought their own tickets putting all of their faith and trust in this religion and it`s leaders and now they now need to accept the consequences of their actions .
I`ts not your wife`s fault nor your fault for the choices her parents made.
That they have to live with it is nobody`s fault but their own .