Wifes parents are in a bad way.

by blownaway 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • blownaway

    My wife's parents are in a bad way. She went to visit and her mother has Alzheimer and Father has a hart condition. They are JWs and he quit his job at GM many years ago for 1975. He moved to where the need was great to wait for the end. My wifes sister and her 18yo daughter moved in with them. Her father supports them all on 1700 a month Social Security. My wife feels bad for them but I had argued with them many years ago about saving for retirement and was told they did not need it as you all know the Big A was coming to wash all the problems away. I feel for them but they made their bed. Not sure what to do, my wife feels like she wants to help but we need to focus on our lives and future. I had worked 7 days a week and saved for years to get where we are at. I just don't want my wife to feel so bad.

  • CovertsadJW

    I have learned that being part of the Borg that we do not learn how to create proper boundaries with JWs and loved ones closest to us. I think on a human level its good to help, but only give what you can and that can mean different things to so many people. I would sit down and figure out what is reasonable to help with and be honest and open-much easier said than done. I think we do not discuss the biggest issues in out lives as JWs we are taught to avoid thinking for ourselves and creating a life outside the Borg that has meaning. just my 2 cents.

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    I'm sorry, it's difficult to deal with old age and infirmities along with money problems.

    Some of the solution would be for the sister to earn money as well as the daughter. But there is probably something I don't know about so it's just a shot in the dark on that.

    I and my sister, are dealing with old parents that are mentally going downhill. Almost a year ago, we started a cleanup outside the house. Most of the work was done by the "apostate" side of the family which included my sister's husband. The other side wimped along.

    I think on a human level its good to help, but only give what you can and that can mean different things to so many people. I would sit down and figure out what is reasonable.

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    I have to start a second answer because the quote box wouldn't let me escape.

    As CovertsadJW said, only do what you can.

    My mother doesn't really fully appreciate what we are doing. As a JW, she would be shunning us right now if it weren't for the fact she's been living in a rat infested hoarder house and her "spiritual" children wouldn't even set foot in it. So even tho I know this, they are still people that need help. My father isn't a JW and is in the worse shape after having a fall. So cleaning the interior has been ramped up so that he can come home hopefully. This has taken up alot of our free time and involved cleaning really nasty stuff.

    We are at the point tho, that some outside help is going to be looked at.

    There are others here that have had the same experience. Hope that you can find a solution.

  • mentalclarity

    You might want to find out about resources in their community that help the elderly. I know in the state i live in there is an agency dedicated to issues with elderly people and it's great. Someone in my family got alot of help with their elderly parent this way. It's worth a shot!

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Even though the irritated part of me would want to send them an AARP magazine and say its handier than an Awake, I wouldn't do it. There are so many variables. Are they eligible for help? Are they willing to accept it? Why don't the local Witnesses kick in? We know the answer to that. No meetings, no existence in the congregation's mind. And if you're old you are invisible because it just might mean effort on their part to help. Bastards. You must do what you must. To make sure you have a clear conscience. After all, you are not Watchtower robots, you have genuine feeling. Exhaust the government social network available to them before you start putting holes in your own.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Your wife's sister and her 18 yo daughter need to get their ass outta the house and/or home from Field Circus and find jobs for themselves! These are two adults that both need to be supporting the household in which they live. Time for them to quit sponging off of the elderly parents/grandparents.

    Walmart, McDonalds, and every other small business is begging to find dependable employees.

    A good quote comes to mind: "If anyone is not willing to work, neither should he eat." 2 Thess. 3:10

    Another good quote: There ain't no free lunch!

  • smiddy3

    DOC is right the 18 year old and her mother need to stop bludging off them and get jobs to support the home and people their bludging off .

    Shaming them and the JW religion by writing a letter to the regional Newspaper as to how they are behaving would be what should be done .

    There is nothing better than public exposure to get anything constructive done.

    Don`t feel so guilty you have your own family to look after they obviously didn`t take notice of ps.146:3 " Do not put your trust in nobles ..." GB

    just my 2 cents worth

  • steve2

    There are few things in life more infuriating than being guilted to pick up the pieces of one’s parents’ earlier refusal to prepare and save for retirement. Having the ability to make a personal decision about how much help to offer your parents and to not be swayed by fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) will get you through this without becoming completely rundown and resentful.

  • blownaway

    The sister and daughter are morbidly obese. I would bet in the 400 pound range. The daughter had a job at burger king and then she lost it. My wife said she only said it was because she did not get along with other workers. The sister was on disability but then was in a car accident. She got a settlement and lost disability because she had some money. Now she has tried for 2 years and can not get back on. I have no idea why. My wife's father bought a house that the sister and daughter live in the down stairs. The parents live in the refurbished attic. It has a closet, bath small very small kitchen and bedroom. My wife was there to support me when my father was passing away. But he had a good chunk of money to take care of him. I paid myself a small reimbursement for my out of pocket cost. My wife's parents did a semi cutting of ties because we left the cult many years ago. He was against us getting married back in 1980. Her brother is divorced and the sisters husband she meet at a quick build left her with her two kids. I don't feel like we should give a dime. I do feel bad for them but they have as Dickens so aptly put forged every link in the chain they carry. Her mother pioneered and father did what ever waiting for the end. I don't feel like we should put our retirement at risk in any way big or small because of their bad choices.

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