Taking the Step

by beardfreedom 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • beardfreedom

    First time posting after years of reading, the things i have learned here have gradually helped to open my eyes to the reality of this religion. Though I have been mentally out for some time, lately i have stopped going to meetings and service. The elders are calling and i have been ignoring them, I am trying to get up the courage to finally break free and never go back. It is strange the anxiety I feel over how people I barely know will react. I have family that are loyal cult members, but few friends inside, thankfully. I have been born and raised in the "truth", I feel like I am cutting anchor and drifting on an unknown current, with feelings of dread and excitement, loneliness and peace. I hope I have the courage to make the break, maybe it wont be as bad as I think. Hopefully those who have lived through it will tell me how much easier it is in then it seems....right?

  • OnTheWayOut

    In the long run, after a few problems with the elders and maybe some others, you will wish you had made the clean break sooner. Soon, you won't be able to sit through a meeting, let alone an assembly.

    It's good not to have JW friends. I was an elder and many treated my like a friend, but I only really had a couple of JW friends and I lost them over my fading away. They need to beware of me to keep their family safe. It's easier that way. And I retain "fellowship" with my JW mother and my JW in-law family.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Welcome beard!

  • DesirousOfChange

    In the long run, after a few problems with the elders and maybe some others, you will wish you had made the clean break sooner. Soon, you won't be able to sit through a meeting, let alone an assembly.


    Our only regret is that we were soooo late in life to awaken to TTATT. I ignored it for years. Blocked out the obvious. I suppose I just wasn't ready to deal with it all. I wasted so much of my life in the Cult when I could have been free of it all. . . . . Doc

  • schnell

    I'm newly out as well. It's definitely an adjustment. And there seem to be phases to it. After I read 30 Years a Watchtower Slave, I cried to my wife that I never wanted to be an apostate and that I wanted this to be the truth. And now, I am quite proud to be an "apostate" and I have peace of mind that comes with honesty, knowing that I pursued the truth where it led me, not where I wanted it to go. Better off, in other words.

    My wife, also, was at first incredibly upset at what she saw her husband doing. Today, she has relief in her eyes and tells me Thank you when I'm honest with her about these things. Sure, sometimes she says she wants to punch me, but she says it with a laugh. The John Cedars and JW Critical Thinker videos on YouTube have definitely gotten her thinking.

    So I guess, as with any evolution, there is some time and transition to all of this. How has your family responded to you?

  • smiddy

    Welcome beardfreedom,true the transition can be a bit daunting for a while adjusting to your fade/exit ,but believe me when you look back on this stage of your life you will say "how did I ever believe it in the first place"

    Elders are big fish in a little pond , you dont owe them anything , and the power they have over you is only the power you give to them.

    They are nobodys trying to be somebody and the religion gives them that egotistical outlook .

    Dont be sucked in by it.

    The longer you are away from the influence of the cult the easier it becomes .

    Take care.

  • pale.emperor

    Smiddy has hit the nail on the head there. I cant believe i believed their propaganda for 31 years.

    Cant really add anything other than whats already been said, other than keep the elders at arms length. They'll be just looking for something, anything to officially make you officially "no longer on one JWs".

    Being mentally out first is very refreshing i think. I went along for about 2 years not believing a word of it.

  • freddo

    Just be careful. Take a bit of time. Discuss on here whether you want to DA or fade away (go inactive).

    The best approaches to either are markedly different.

    DA? I would write to everyone I know just before the announcement an email about one A4 page long (no longer) with irrefutable back ups to the main reasons for my DA. Or not. It's up to you.

    Fade? Keep your gob shut and your head down. Stand your ground but do not say anything other than "I'm going through some personal things right now which I cannot discuss with anyone." REPEAT ad infinitum firmly and politely. Walk away if they are persistent.

    Best of luck and welcome!

  • stuckinarut2


    Yes, once we take the step to allow ourselves to be free of the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that the society uses, the air is indeed much cleaner...and the real life begins!

    Enjoy these moments of clarity!

    We look forward to your input here in this great community forum!

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Welcome BeardFreedom.

    As Freddo said - take things slowly and easy if you want to fade.

    Best wishes for a pain-free exit!

    You have a P.M.

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