Fitting In

by Descender 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Descender

    Did anyone else have a hard time fitting in with non-witnesses when you left the witnesses? I never had a hard time fitting in with witnesses since I grew up as one, I was always popular in witness circles and could usually strike up an easy conversation with someone as long as I knew they were a witness. But I just can't find any common points of interest with anyone anymore since I've been disfellowshipped twice and then finally faded away a year and a half ago.

    My wife and I, who have both faded, went out to eat with a group of people that were once witnesses but have since been disfellowshipped. During conversation, I brought up some interesting facts about the witnesses such as the days of the Judge, vaccinations, demonization of aluminum foil, and other crazy stuff about the mansion and organ transplants and the changing of light.

    I guess that they didn't like anti-witness subjects, they all said nothing and stared silently at the table, so I changed the conversation. I later found out that all four of the ones that we went out to eat with are going back to the meetings and trying to get reinstated.

    I want to tell people about witness history for some reason, I can't do it with my mother and brother because they are still in. My father, who isn't a witness, doesn't really care. And I've talked my wife's ear off about it so much she's probably tired of hearing about it. And people that have never been witnesses don't understand why I want to discuss such a boring subject.

    Oh well, I'm rambling. I can talk to my dogs about it. I just find it hard to talk to people anymore. I kind of wish I had still had all the friends I had when I witness, but it turned out that out of all the friends I thought I had, the only one that was true was my wife.

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie's lessened some over the years, but I still find it somewhat uncomfortable.

    Frannie B

  • Gopher

    Descender -- have you met anybody from this forum in person? If you do, maybe you'd find that there are indeed people who would love to take you up on your "JW" topics. But of course we cannot talk to many JW's about the real deal, and most non-JW's are only mildly interested in JW stuff if at all. But if you were here in Minnesota, we could sit down and have a very pleasant dinner together!

    Be that as it may, at least your wife is on your side. As for others, you probably have to dwell more on their likes and their interests. Get someone to talk about themself, and they'll believe you are a fascinating conversationalist!!

  • Ravyn

    well Descender, I think the reason you didn't fit in is becoz they all wanted to be witnesses, even tho they were DFd! I dont think you would have a problem fitting in with most of us here.


  • tinkerbell82

    Descender, i can completely relate to your story.

    i was born and raised as a witness, and the only friends i was allowed to have were other witness kids. witnesses interact with one another in a way that's very different from the way normal people interact, or at least that has been my experience. when i left, i found that i couldnt relate well to "worldly" people, and i was cripplingly shy. i still struggle with shyness. moreover, i dont know anyone who's an ex-jw in "real life", and i find that its difficult for people who've never been involved with witnesses to really understand what the experience of being a jw is like. and sometimes i do just want to talk about it with people who will understand. that's why this board is so great. everyone here just seems to understand. :)

  • Brummie

    Good post Descender, I can relate to a lot of what you shared. Give yourself time, things do work out for the better and we become a lot more compatable to the people around us who dont share our experience.

    I wrote something a little similar here:

    You will fit in fine here.


  • Eric


    "Worldly people" don't want to hear about the JW's from an ex-JW any more than they want to hear about JW's from an actual JW on their front doorstep on saturday morning. At least not until they get to know you.

    There has got to be a million ways to meet great new people. If you went door to door with a real interest in your neighbors, contact your local volunteer service clubs. Unless you are really isolated, there will be a local pancake breakfast, tree planting, bottle drive, variety night or raffle being planned by people who intend to return something to the local community who could really use you.

    After you've established the social contacts and made some friends of great people who aren't counting your hours, and you go ahead and say, " By the Great Moons of Jupiter, I could never have imagined myself doing this two years ago!", they will ask "Why?" And the great thing is they'll really mean it and they'll listen when you explain your restrictive JW past.

    In the meantime, vent what you need to about the JW's here. It's a great part of why this place even exists at all!


  • stillajwexelder

    no -- I am great at leading a double life so was/is easy

  • happyout


    The good news is, no one on this board gets tired of the subject of JWs. There is a lot of information stored on this site that would likely even surprise you.

    Welcome to the board, enjoy some true fellowship.


  • run dont walk
    run dont walk
    I want to tell people about witness history for some reason,

    that's my favorite topic, if Jw's can't see the light after reading or hearing the history, then they is no hope or they are going for the wrong reasons.

    I was the opposite, I didn't really fit in with the JW group, my god I was 19 and not baptized, I fit in fairly easily in the outside world, strange isn't it.

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