Fitting In

by Descender 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jwbot

    I am with you on this seems the exjw's in my area left to be "badasses", not really because they didn't like the religion. So they will probably get reinstated once they pass that stage... But I hope they stay out...better be out for the so-called "wrong" reasons, than in the religion at all, right?

    Fortunately, my boyfriend and best girl friend who are not witnesses are really interested in what I have to say and about this cults history..I mean, how can a cult NOT be interesting, right? hehe.

    I think being on this board is the best thing for us, we all have a similar backgrounds and we are diverse enough to make a really interesting place on the net. And talk about FRIENDLY people... There is love here... there is no love in the religion.

  • czarofmischief

    I've never fit in anywhere.

    But I can generally squeeze in with a little spit and hope

    CZAR of the "Massive Attack" class

  • Bendrr

    Give it time Descender. You'll find that "worldlies" are usually easier to fit in with and sometimes end up being better friends than the ones from the Empire who now turn their backs on you. Just because you have nothing in common doesn't exclude friendship. Sometimes just the fact that two people are so totally different can make a friendship more interesting.

    Don't know if that made any sense or not, but I think you'll understand.


  • joannadandy
    with non-witnesses when you left the witnesses? I never had a hard time fitting in with witnesses since I grew up as one, I was always popular in witness circles and could usually strike up an easy conversation with someone as long as I knew they were a witness.

    Actually I was a naughty witness so the exact opposite is true for me. I never fit in with the Witness kids really, they didn't want me around, I wasn't good association because I didn't put in enough service hours. I always felt like I had to conceal the truth about myself, and you don't joke about certain things when with them, and you certainly don't tell them about the boy who asked you out at school, who you are considering saying yes to because the witness boys won't give you the time of day.

    While I sympathize, and it was hard at first to hang with "worldly" people. I felt like I was being "naughty" again. But I quickly found, I could totally relax. Anything I said was hillarious, not shocking, the music I listened to was "cool" not "satanic". I got to discover who I really was, and I got to showcase that person, as opposed to telling her to shut up and sit still like I did while still in.

    Hang in there. You'll find out who you feel comfortable with soon enough. And you'll soon realize "Worldly People" are actually pretty sweet and giving, just like the witnesses claimed to be. And they don't all do drugs and they usually don't try to get you to perform weird sex acts at a satanic campground, who's profits go to fund the Republican party.

  • shotgun

    Hi descender

    Df'd twice and then faded, how many years did it take to do all that?

    My big mouth gets me in trouble too, we went out for dinner with a JW couple and because I did not go to the Sunday talk my wife says to us all, what a wonderful talk the speaker used the analagy of a banana getting seperated from the bunch and how it quickly gets peeled and eaten, likewise ones who seperate themselves from Jah's organization get swallowed by the World...I couldn't help myself and asked if all the banana's present clapped at the wonderful experience, they surely wouldn't want to be caught by that monkey Satan who eats stray banana's.

    You'll fit in descender..welcome my fellow stray banana

  • be wise
    be wise

    I never fitted in with the witno's. It was just like a mental barrier that was such an unbelievable relief to leave behind (Wouldn't go through that again for the world).

    I think you've gotta work to make life fit around you by doing things you wanna do and not try to 'fit in' too much - give our sens a break.

  • Descender

    Actually it didn't take that long to get DF'd twice. My father, who isn't a witness, had bible studies with some of the various eldersearly on in my mother's conversion and actually kicked one of the more, older crotchety elders out of his house because the elder kept on telling him that he wasn't progressing fast enough and doing enough to be a real witness.

    The elder my father kicked out of the house was on the judicial commitee both times I was DF'd and he was the main factor in getting me df'd the first time. The second time I was df'd he told me, "we may eventually be able to forgive you if decide to come back, but Jehovah might not be able to."

    I was first df'd at the age of twenty. I was actually feeling badly about some fornication that I'd done 6 months previous and with the help of a goody goody witness girlfriend I had, I decided to tell on myself and repent to the elders. So I called the whole thing together, talked to the elders and then they didn't think I was repentant, so they df'd me. That was really hard back then when my whole world revolved around the witnesses.

    I tried hard and got back in within 6 months. Got in trouble again within 6 months after my reinstatement and then got df'd again. Took me 5 years to come back that time and then another 1 year to fade away after that. So I guess all in all it took 7 years to get df'd twice and then to fade away.

  • acsot

    Descender: I felt the same way you did, and I think it's because I had to find out first who I was before being able to share myself with other people. Eric made some good points; if I meet a person for the first time and they happen to be ex-Mennonite, I may want to hear a few things about their past but probably will want to move on to other topics, hobbies, travels, books, etc. so as to get to know the person better, as a person and not a former ______ (fill in the blank). Same with us, we are more than ex-JWs, and those are the parts people are most interested in. Afterwards, do as Eric mentioned, and you'll be able to share your dub experiences with people soon enough.

    BTW, you fit in just fine here!

  • RunningMan

    When we were Witnesses, we were in a small, fringe, group. Only about 1/4 of 1% of the population of Canada & the States are Witnesses. So, as Witnesses, we didn't fit in with most of the world. Our own small group was adequate, but just barely. If you lived in a small town, the number of Witnesses was so small that there was no critical mass for association. You felt very isolated in that case.

    Now, as an ex-Witness, we are a fringe of a fringe. We feel like talking, but JWs aren't allowed to listen, and worldly people really don't care enough to put up with us 24/7. Thank goodness for the internet.

    Some day, maybe we will be deprogrammed enough for the religion to not affect us anymore, and we can assimilate into the larger society without feeling different. Maybe.

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