Sometimes I get the impression that my wife wants me to come clean about what I'm thinking but then my brain says don't do it...
Waking People Up With Well Thought Out Comments
It's so hard to see situations like this. I absolutely understand the family and social pull and breaking away from all of that is the most difficult scenario to be a part of. I've seen people who have just blown everything up and walked away, some who have tried to quietly walk away and ultimately been blown apart and those who are still trying to 'fade' and feel forced into living a lie every day of their lives. Outlaw is absolutely right, every choice has its consequences and all of them mean that you won't have the same relationship with the people you're allowing to control you at this moment. Short term pain is worth more than long term deceit and the toll that takes on everyone, including you. (my two cents)
My wife: How do you feel about the truth?
Me: I don't want to talk about it
My wife: Actions speak louder than words and right now I don't see you doing much for the truth? Have you just gotten lazy?
Me: What do you think? Does that seem like me?
My wife: I guess not
END OF CONVERSATION
And that's great, Rogue. Small victory there, until you break down the actual conversation. You're using JW speak (the truth) when you talk to her. I get what you're doing, but you're not helping the situation in the long term. Instead of saying 'the truth', try 'the religion' or 'the corporation' and see how that goes. Cognitive dissonance manifests itself in many different ways and you may be suffering from it somewhat. Be true to YOU and what YOU believe and want for YOU. Otherwise, you'll always be on this treadmill and nobody wants that for you or anyone.
I was able to wake up a friend but he was already going threw marriage problems and the elders weren't treating him well either. It seems to me that people need to go through something emotional first to start the proccess.
I don`t mean to sound cynical , do I get the impression there may be a financial loss in your walking away from your family and this religion ?
JW rogue, sympathy bro! I know others in your situation. One thing you are probably driven to is to live inside your head as it were, to think about reality outside of the JW delusion and enjoy the real world that way. To physically leave suddenly of could make matters worse.
Perhaps in your casual comments you could stress the facts that the early Christian congregation seemed to think that welfare within the community was a priority (widows and orphans), The GB couldn't care a fig about the welfare of their followers even for the suffering of victims of sexual abuse. In fact the more they suffer the more dependent they become...
JWs I think, might be likened to a troupe of high-wire artists who have all fallen into the safety net...that is the KH community. from their viewpoint there is nothing underneath the net left to save them. It is this crippling vision of their place in life which holds them there in fear.
People who believe they are worthless will punish themselves and make bad choices.
The Watchtower of course encourages this since fear and worthlessness are the very factors they routinely exploit. The only people useful to the organisation are those who are guilt ridden, emotionally and educationally stifled and who therefore remain totally dependent on it to give them the imaginary fix of paradise .
Have you thought about building up your wife's self confidence as opposed to her abject religious dependency? A new job or new interest?
How about continuing to take it slowly, keep them on your side but sharing things you have learned which get the family to start thinking for themselves? Make some allies in your mild scepticism, preferably including your wife.
Expressing the oddness that if Big J was behind the JW org, surely, you would have thought he would get his dates right? The WT teaching for seventy odd years that the generation which saw 1914 would also see the end? JWs have never got a prophecy right...nor did Jesus get his generation prophecy right. Mark 9,1.
It's a trap all right!
Thanks for your insightful comments, Half Banana. I had to read the italicized sentence and the following paragraph a few times, as they really hit home to me as to the truth in those words..
Then there's the fine line between making a comment that rattles people's cognitive dissonance and making a truly good comment. The latter actually adds to the quality of the meeting and as you fade, people will make conclusions about your absence. " a smart guy like Rogue is having less and less to do with being a Witness. Maybe he knows something..."
But in the end, people will do whatever it is they will do. You'd like to think that you are helping somebody to step out into the light, but they may just prefer the dark.
As others have said , you can make some comments that can have an impact on others. I've done it many times. Just be careful not too say something that is too controversial because they will yank you to the back room.