For almost 12 years now, I have been coming to this site on a regular basis and in the last 5, I “faded out”. I never regretted this and never will. Unfortunately though, yesterday, I realized that, until I can publically tell all my old acquaintances why I have left, I will never be truly free. There must be about 200+ JWs that I personally know me and none of them know why I have left.
Why did I leave? To get closer to God. They’re Pharisees approach to religion is all but contrary to the love thought by Christ and I had to protect my kids from such dogmatic teachings/traditions.
Unfortunately, I could not tell them that. I could not simply be what I am, an xJW. Instead, I am a fader reduced to silence. A victim who will not talk against his tormentors and abusers in his own community. This is no easy choice, sometimes, I wonder if my current position is even harder than the alternative, to speak out and cause further grief to my parents and family.
I have tried for many years to be active online and help the community anonymously. Unfortunately though, this doesn’t satisfy my need to stand tall and tell my 200+ JWs acquaintances the truth.
Unable to take actions that truly satisfy me, I am now thinking that it is not healthy for me, at least for this time of my life, to keep in touch with the JWs world. I am not a JW and yet, I am appraised of their daily activities. I probably spend as much, if not, even more time than they do, reading and talking about things that involve them.
Once more, as I am unable to do anything truly satisfying, I believe I need to forget about them, at least, for the time being.
For all these years you guys have been there for me, I thank you. You have truly helped me in taking actions that had a positive influence on my life and that of my family. 12 years ago, I came here out of curiosity, certain to confirm the slanderous accusations of the watchtower against apostates. Instead, I have found plenty of people who invested their time and resources in order to help people like me with compassion, love and facts.
I sincerely hope there will be a time, in years to come, where I will be able to step into the light and stand tall against these abusers, and until that day comes, I must say good bye.