Making real friends

by KindEyes 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • KindEyes

    Hiya, firstly I’m new to this website, so sorry if this topic has been covered before.

    I have been out of “the truth” for almost one year. I live with my non-Witness mother, have an amazing boyfriend, work and am in college. However, I have absolutely no friends apart from my mum and boyfriend. The only other girls I really talk to are JW’s who are living a double life, who I find pretty toxic to be around. They try to hide that they hang out with me to protect themselves, and sometimes ignore me for long periods of time when they are trying to “be good”.

    I would really like to know, how do I make friends with non-Witness people? I am shy and have always struggled to meet new people. I feel like I’m different to normal people and I don’t know how to fit in with them.

    I would really like to have some friends to hang out with, but everyone seems to already have close friends. I didn’t stay in touch with any “worldly” friends after school (I became homeschooled when I was 13) as I thought they were bad association. Any advice would really be appreciated.

    Thank you

  • zeb

    Hi KE,

    Step back take a huge breath and read on all the many postings you find here. Some are going on about abstracts like evolution others have had their hearts torn out.

    Some here are old (!) others as young as yourself. I hope you find college fulfilling. I did college at 'mature' age and as I have said here before I walk a little taller because of doing it.

    Friends? I have many associates few friends. Friends are not what they are cracked up tobe and please be careful what you put on facebook..

    Live long and prosper


  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    Welcome to the forum. It will take a lot of work on your part. This is a problem we all have since we left the cult and the reason is in the cult we was told everyone there was our friends. It took very little work on our part to make friends. In real life it take great effort to make good friends. I will stop here for there are better qualified ones on this site that can relate to you better and can give you good advice.

    I am sure my wife will chime in on this subject. She is shy just like you. Good luck to you. So nice to have you on this board. Take care. Still Totally ADD

  • pale.emperor

    I signed up to an art class that was held on Sunday evenings. Met lots of likeminded people there. Also, take a look on and join groups there that have the same hobbies/interests as you. The majority of my friends came from there.

  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    Hi KindEyes :). I've been awake for a good year, also. Finding friends on the outside feels so strange, hey. I feel like "worldly" people will find it strange that a perfectly approachable, relaxed 27 year old woman would introduce herself to them with ZERO social network. It's like I'm the 49 year old single broad who shows up at a hip-and-happening nightclub in a desperate bid to find love. Compared to all the vibrant young ones who are in their prime and are already paired off, I feel like I've reached my shelf-life and have missed my opportunity :(.

    Since you have a boyfriend, perhaps he has friends of his own who are also in relationships? I'd be asking him to tee up some double dates! With luck, maybe you'll get on with the girlfriends of his buddies. Just an idea... :).

  • Divergent
  • stuckinarut2


    Yes, it can be confronting to realise that those we considered to b our friends when in the org, are nothing more than conditional associates who shared a common more, no less. So although we thought of them as our friends, they soon disappear when we stop attending.

    However, it's not all bad! In fact, once free of the shackles of those people, you are free to REALLY get to know "worldly" people. And guess what? Most are actually very nice!

    Most people just want to interact nicely with one another.

    Be warm and approachable. (Be careful too) But simply showing kindness and politeness to those you interact with is the start.

    I read a good quote that said "a simple hello can be the start of something wonderful"

  • jp1692

    The good news is that from here on out you'll be making relationships with people that care about you for WHO YOU ARE and not WHAT YOU (pretend to) BELIEVE!

  • scratchme1010

    Welcome, KindEyes. I'm glad that you are doing well, and have the support of your mom and boyfriend.

    College is a great place to make friends. There are plenty of extracurricular activities that now you can get involved in to share with others, lay back and just enjoy. Friendships will follow.

    I was born in, and at first I was afraid an awkward in social situations outside of the dysfunctional socializing I learned from the JWs (see here for details). I learned to just relax and not come across as awkward, anxious or too forward. Fake it until you make it. Always careful with who you let in your life.

    The WT is a very socially isolating organization, so at leas in my experience, I needed to learn to be more social.

  • DesirousOfChange

    College is a great place to make friends.

    We got screwed out of going to college since Armageddon was right-around-the-corner, but we insisted that all of our kids go to college. Their "new" (non-JW) circle of friends is predominately their classmates/study partners from college. I know one very successful businessman ($100Mil/yr) who built it by recruiting key people from his college buddies, particularly those with whom he played college sports.

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