The little things that made you feel guilty as a JW?

by HereIgo 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • HereIgo

    Watching Rated R movies? Maybe a little gambling in Vegas? When I was in High School I went to the mall with my friend at the time, who happened to be a female. I was scared shitless that I would run into someone from the congregation even though it was completely innocent. Then I look back as an adult and realize I was part of a cult lol. Thoughts?

  • Vidiot

    Wanting to not be a JW.

  • millie210

    Reading horoscopes (harmless fun but still felt guilty)

    Feeling happy when I had an excuse to skip meetings or field service ( I thought I should be appropriately sad BUT I WASNT!)

  • Divergent

    Watching porn & masturbating

  • hoser

    I felt guilty about everything.

  • Vidiot

    I occasionally felt a bit guilty for not feeling more guilty...

  • Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
    Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho

    When I lost my virginity to a married regular pioneer brother who told me, after eleven months straight of riding the train into work together every morning, that he was in love with me and was miserable in his eight year marriage. That he was planning to get disfellowshipped for me and divorce his wife and be with the true love of his life: me. I was 21 at the time, inactive for nearly two years and a firm believer in evolution. Yet my years of indoctrination haunted me and affected me so deeply that, once the deed was done, I set out on a course of self destruction. Drugs to numb the pain of what I'd done. A revolving door of partners to try and "wipe out" the memory of losing my virginity before marriage. I was determined to punish myself severely for having sex before marriage. And with someone who was married. I still carry around that sadness for what I'd done. Last I heard, all these years later, is that the brother and his wife are still "happily" married and pioneering together and were interviewed on stage at a convention. Fortunately for the husband, I disappeared from his life after the deed, changed my number, changed my trains that I caught into work and finally responded to his myriad of emails begging to see me again because he was so "in love with me" telling him I could never see or talk to him again. I don't know how he continues to live his facade, but I know for me... it's something I've never truly forgiven myself for.

  • justme

    Wake me up--that was some story, i am sorry you were so hard on yourself, maybe him being happy was a front since he couldn't have you, he stayed because it was convenient & he just settled...

    i felt guilty about many things myself.. one in particular was wanting to watch horror flicks...

  • stuckinarut2

    Guilty? Oh about everything....

    That is the way with religious groups. FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt)

    Once we let that go, life becomes so much happier! And yet that doesn't mean we become evil either. We simply stop being emotionally entrapped by stupidity!

  • freddo

    When I was fifteen my school arranged a coach trip to London for some class project - it meant getting home at about 8 pm and shock horror "I WOULD MISS THE MEETING!" and have BAD ASSOCIATION!"

    My Father agreed (laid back type) - my mother laid a guilt trip on me.

    If she had known that I had SHOCK HORROR walked a female classmate home from the bus stop afterwards in the dark (completely innocently) she would have had a fit.

    Fortunately they were at the meeting at 8 pm.

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