Had twin babies with a married JW?!?!?!?!?!?! advice & thoughts
Lawyer up. This woman sounds manipulative. If you're in the US, she can sic the courts after you for child support whether or not you have visitation rights and/or are providing for the kids by giving her money directly. Once the courts get involved, it can get pretty ugly, and they tend to side with the custodial parent (typically the mother).
Gokumonkey. This sounds highly suss. Ask the lady for a dna test to see if these babies are yours.. if she refuses......
I was highly certain the child was mine - and then it meowed. Not so sure now.
Yup I have a lawyer. I just wanna be there for my kiddies.
I wanna thank everyone for there input. It's been really helpful. It lets me know I'm doing the right thing. 😃
In the case of my son........... he married and they tried to have a child......... finally after a few years they adopted a newborn baby. Then the marriage came to an end.
He made sure he had a shared arrangement in how his son was raised. Neither was a JW so religion was not an issue.
So for the next 18 years he had shared custody and paid child support until his son turned 18. During that time or most of it he lived in the same area/city and had a bedroom set up for his son. They would spend one or two weekends together per month, trade off on holidays etc. His son was integrated in her and his........ extended family. Growing up our grandson had his Dad's home and his Mom's home this became the natural order of things. He had a completely normal childhood.
Each parent made sure to cooperate with one another and because there was no religion involved we have great memories of sharing Thanksgiving and Christmas with our grandson, son and even ex daughter-in-law (who has remained a friend all of these years) on many occasions.
You will have a big advantage concerning Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving etc. Those events will leave a lasting memory for a child.
I think your instincts are correct that they need their Dad in their lives. I doubt, based on what you have mentioned about their step dad and mother, that neither can be trusted to raise your daughters properly.
I think it's vital that they have their dad in their lives and that you have legal authority to be in their lives.
Am I allowed to be skeptical? Whether or not I'm allowed, this smells bad.
From your description of events and her deceitful actions, it sounds as though she may not have really wanted a relationship, but used you as a means to become pregnant.
Perhaps the problem with her marriage was her husband was not capable of impregnating her. Maybe a pregnancy was her means to restore her relationship with her husband, OR, maybe he was involved and OK with using someone else to get her pregnant as opposed to using (and paying for) in-vitro.
If she was actually disfellowshipped, do you know why? Maybe you are not her first attempt at pregnancy by another man, so you are well advised to obtain a DNA test on the children.
If the twins prove to be yours, have you considered pursuing full custody? In consideration of the events, it seems something is not be quite right. Perhaps there is reason to pursue full custody, for the children's welfare?
full custody? dont want to do that the babies are only two months old, i dont think its wise to take them from the mother at such a young age. i think shared custody both legal and physical is better i guess. But religion is a big factor since im not a jdub. so ill be talking to my lawyer about that holidays and blood transfusions
You have to ask for full custody now, once an order is granted a judge won't change it easily. My ex left me around the first month of life and I didn't get to see my daughter for 3 months and then even though I had an order my ex was difficult for another year before I got a serious order from a judge.
Ask for at least half of the time if you aren't up for full custody. Sadly the religion has little to no effect on a judge's decision. You can make it clear you want legal custody over medical decisions, my order states that we share custody and in case of disagreement the doctor gets to decide. My child actually has full decision power over extracurricular activities.