How to Fade - The Basics!

The Searcher

This really works.

I've already applied the basics of this with one elder who "offered" us a shepherding visit. We've been totally ignored since!!! :)

In order to fade as painlessly & safely as possible from the Org, it is imperative to always keep in mind this potentially trauma-saving maxim when in the presence of J.W.'s, especially the elders: "Divulge nothing".

Giving personal information to such ones will be like putting a rope around your own neck. Sadly, many J.W.'s couldn't or wouldn't have the nerve/courage/know-how to refuse to discuss things when questioned by the "appointed shepherds."

Never forget that elders know that they can't force you to talk with them, so they rely on your fear of their non-existent authority to comply with their interrogation.

The following is by no means comprehensive, but it is simple, straightforward, and very effective if you are offered a "shepherding call" or invited into the back room at the Kingdom Hall for a "chat".

If the former, simply say "thanks for your offer brothers, but not at the moment. I'll let you know when I feel ready."

If the latter, enter the room and let them reveal what's on their minds. (your lack of field service, meeting attendance, etc.) Now you're ready to say something along these lines:

"Thank you for your concerns brothers, but I have private & personal issues which I can't discuss with anyone at the moment, but I certainly appreciate your motives and concern. If things change, I will call you. Thank you for your offer".

Elders' Conversation Stoppers:

1) "We only want to come and give you encouragement." Simply repeat the response above - especially the phrase "private & personal."!

2) "But how can we help you if you won't talk to us?" "Everyone has private & personal situations which they can't discuss with others, and I'm sure that includes the elders - I'm no different!"

3) "Are you refusing to talk with us?" "No, I just don't want to discuss things right now. I'll call you if things change."

If they push with their interrogation, just say 'thanks' and walk away immediately!

Do not prolong the interrogation. They can't punish you for ending a conversation!

Repeat any/all of the above to anyone who tries to extract information from you, because the elders will likely get someone you trust to try and get information out of you!

If you rehearse & practice your responses, you will be so much more confident and able to fend off any attempts to ambush you. Always display a meek but firm disposition.

Never act confrontational with the wolves, because the alpha-male in the pack will go for you!

Darkknight757

Employed these tactics and they work like a charm. It's a real game changer once you realize they have absolutely no power at all. You don't have to answer any of their questions.

dozy

Sounds great. A lot depends on the BOE - most are too lazy and/or too busy with other more pressing congregation problems to pursue someone who is fading. A few elders are different & will be pushy - either out of good intentions or because they want "blood".

One of my ex congregation's elders approached me a couple of years after I faded looking for "congregational closure" as he put it - wanting me basically to DA myself or throw him a bone that he could bite on. I pretty much answered him along the same lines as the original poster and he backed off. I haven't heard from him since.

undercover

The following is by no means comprehensive, but it is simple, straightforward, and very effective if you are offered a "shepherding call" ...
...simply say "thanks for your offer brothers, but not at the moment. I'll let you know when I feel ready."

I used a similar approach. After a couple of sheparding calls, and their expressing concern, I told one elder, I was just taking a break (similar to how he stepped down for a period, and I pointed that out to him). I needed to recharge batteries. "Don't worry, I'm not leaving the truth" I told him (you know, Theocratic Strategy and whatnot). That backed them down, and eventually they lost interest. Face it, they have families, jobs, KH chores, their own problems. If someone doesn't come around quick enough, they're going to lose interest and move on to something/someone where they're actually somewhat successful.

OneGenTwoGroups

"right now"

Those simple words, make all the difference.

The Searcher

p.s. Don't demean yourself by making the BIG mistake of offering excuses or even lying to these people.

Just build the "brick wall" which tells them "Don't call me, I'll call you!

Nothing more is needed after that - regardless of who the elders are!.

Dagney

Very good suggestions.

I think the thing I might add that worked for me is to be kind but firm and confident when responding, even if you don't feel that way and are nervous, I told everybody I was on "sabbatical." To some I added "I've taken it to prayer with J." Even some that persisted at times would back at the moment...and eventually they let it go.

tornapart

It's worked well for me... my elder husband has told the other elders that I have issues and doubts but I don't want to talk about it. They've not tried anything. Maybe my husband is my 'firewall'!

I went to the meeting the other day, first time in a couple of months and an old friend came and talked to me. She was my pioneer partner decades earlier who had moved elsewhere but was now back in the congregation for a while and she said she'd not seen me on her visits. I told her I don't go much anymore and she asked me why. I told her I had my reasons but didn't want to talk about it. She was fine with it, she thought it was sad but never said anything more about it. It really doesn't matter who wants to know the 'whys', if you don't want them to know, then don't tell them! Be firm that it is your business and not theirs.

I've been fading for five years now and not had any problems at all. It takes patience and self-control (not spilling the beans!) but it's worth it when you can keep your family and close friends and even be on speaking terms with everyone else.

konceptual99

I agree with this 100%. They can only do something when you have given them something. Give them nothing and there is nothing they can do. Most elders simply don't have the time or inclination to try and tease your inner feelings out of you. Whilst they love a witch-hunt, many can't be bothered to create trouble if there is none. They just want to be able to tick a box that they tried when the CO asks them why so and so is now inactive.

Giordano

because the elders will likely get someone you trust to try and get information out of you!

They probably learned that one from the Mafia! It is a favorite tactic to set up a hit by using someone who is a close friend or family member.

Anyone thinking of fading should use any of the above non reasons to give them nothing. 'Taking a break' dealing with some 'Private' issues....but thank's for your concern.

You have the right to remain silent but if you don't have the ability to do so (lol)........... the ARC findings and statements given under sworn oath by Elders and GB member Geoffrey Jackson is a real time non apostate reason to stand down for a while until it gets resolved (like the Society is going to confess their sins).

How to Fade - The Basics!

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