Why continue to suffer??

by Tigerlove 29 Replies latest jw friends

  • new boy
    new boy

    It's pretty simple why they stay in messed up relationships. Some people would rather stay with the pain they know as opposed to the pain they don't know. Because of being a witnesses leaving a relationship is a little more costly then in other faiths.

    Besides your relationship ending some or all of the following are things you might lose too.

    1. The person you're with. Meaning someone will have to screw around or no one can get remarried!

    2. Some or ALL your family, because witnesses like to take sides.

    3. Some or ALL your friends. Since Witnesses' friends are only at the KH.

    4. Some or all your money. As I did when my marriage ended.

    So my friend things are a LITTLE more complicated then they look on the surface on the surface of things.

  • Tigerlove

    My post was mostly based on people who have been married for year and if they have kids, their kids are old enought to know what's happening or old enough to be on their own. Myabe i should explained myself more but i wanted to keep it short.All the stories I have read about or heard of are always older couples who have been married for years and have been living unhappy for 5-10 years or plus. I do understand marriage is something you can just throw away like that. But i think after a while, you have to put an end to your misery.
  • stillin

    I feel like I've been approaching that fork in the road for several years now. My wife has "episodes" of total lack of self control and, for lack of a better word, "unchristian" conduct.

    I hate the drama. I hate seeing her lose it. I hate the put-downs and verbal attacks. I have to be careful not to confuse hating her sickness with hating her personally, but truly, that seems to be who she IS.

    So, why am I staying? At this point it boils down to money. Our life has been a combined effort. What we have put together in terms of house and home has been an exercise in slow growth. Until she insists on splitting up, and agrees to an even split, I will ride it out, miserable as it is.

    there are no guarantees that I will be happier in a new life. I'm glad for talespin and others who have made their way out of bad marriages, but not all of these stories turn out well. Then there is the remote possibility that my wife will snap out of her ugliness and actually become the lovely woman that I know she could be...

  • LisaRose

    People continue to suffer because they have been systematically programmed to believe that their needs and wants are not important and that following the dictates of the religion is the only moral choice and to do otherwise will result in them disappointing God, being shunned by everyone they know and that they will be destroyed at Armageddon.

    It's pretty simple really, fear obligation, guilt.

  • TheListener

    Every marriage has ups and downs. Every marriage mate vents. The cult just adds extra issues, hence extra venting. This board is a refuge for all types and I believe that is why it's so successful.

    I could complain about my mate for 30 minutes and I could also sing my mates praises for 30 minutes. Just depends on mood, circumstances and recent events.

  • goingthruthemotions

    Tigerlove, so here's the deal...i vent about my wife here. because this is the only place i could vent. i treat her with the up most respect and love.

    ya, i hate it when she is in cult mode...but when she is not, wow....we have a damn good relationship.

    it's kinda like the Notebook...but i compare here cult mode to alzheimers and her normal mode is of course her memories of real life.

    plus, our kids are amazing. but, i could kick myself everyday for getting involved with this cult!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Ucantnome

    Living a lone isn't a great prospect and finding another mate someone worth marrying can be difficult especially if the first go hasn't turned out so well and a person took their time making that mistake. If there's children then it's really difficult and if they are grown up leaving an older,person to fend for themselves financial could be difficult.

    one person I spoke to whose partner had cheated on them said they stayed for financial reasons another split up and spoke of the loneliness never remarrying and died as an alcoholic.

  • TheListener
    Life is hard enough without being kicked by other people for personal choices.
  • Wild_Thing

    Most people trying to break free from the JWs have had years of brainwashing and made to believe that they do not have a choice. They have had years of being told that misery = faithfulness or favor with Jehovah.

    In my opinion, that is one reason why people come here. They find other people here that share the same experience. I am happy when I see people here talking about their misery as a JW or being in a JW marriage because it is not safe for them to share it with their JW friends or family, and they feel safe sharing it with us. And it is the first step ... the very first step in breaking free. And it is a process. Some don't have as many ties to the borg and leave more easily. Others take many years longer.

    Sometimes, I also have trouble understanding why some people continue to stay in a situation where they are so miserable, but everyone's situation and so I try not to judge. It is all a matter of what is most important to you. Some risk losing every single family member and every single friend they have ever known if they leave their spouse or leave the religion. For some people, it's just not worth it. For others, the unknown is just too scary to face.

    I try not to judge. At least they are mentally breaking free, even if they are still physically there.

  • shepherdless

    My 2 cents worth.

    Secondly, if there are kids involved, one can't just think of oneself. In our situation, my wife takes my kids to meetings and field service. I actually don't know to what extent they believe the crap. However, there is no way I am going to abandon them to a shyster organisation that discourages higher education and actually wants to ruin their future.

    Thirdly, for some, the financial aspects of walking out are potentially devastating.

    I have thought a lot about whether it is disloyal to contribute to these bloggs. On one level, yes. However, my wife is being controlled by a parasitic organisation that, by design, contributes absolutely nothing of worth to society or humankind. It is the parasitic organisation I am up against, not my wife.

    I am here mostly to learn about WTBT$ (something I should have done long ago) so I know what I am up against and how to fight it. I also to do my tiny little bit to oppose that organisation. I also ultimately want to leave the world a better place than how I found it. The world would be a better place if there is no Watchtower using Jehovah's name to suck up all the time and energy of so many good people on pointless marketing to fellow Christians.

    I should also add that my wife actually knows I have occasionally read apostate websites. (She is upset that I have. She says they are full of bitter people with "agendas", are controlled by Satan, and that I should read jw.org to understand the organisation.)

    In summary, I consider I am fighting WTBT$, not my wife, and my conscience is clear.

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