I look foreword every night at the end of my day to read what is on this board and this post has been so encouraging! Congratulations on making it through the fog into the bright light of happiness!! We deserve to be content in the present and that should be our focus. Being also raised in this cult, I have contemplated going to a therapist about the indoctrination we have been force fed. How did you choose yours?
last psychology session tomorrow
Thank you, thank you...for the love, support, virtual hugs (and flowers - flipper!)
To answer you. Apart from initially asking me if I would ever consider leaving the JWs, she never pushed it - ever. They don't. You do all the talking. They just asking questions here and there. Guiding you. It just became so apparent that almost everything went back to me being a JW. So I guess I inadvertently woke myself up!
I told her I had been warned not to say I was a JW but I saw no point in going if I wasn't going to tell her everything. I had no idea it would lead me out of the WT. It wasn't my intention. I was just trying to save my life. If I didn't address my health issues I was in danger of a heart attack or stroke. so I had all this stress and I was stuck in an anxiety peak. Like a car in top gear, constantly.
But slowly as we unpicked my past, it became so clear being a JW played a major part in my anxieties plus I'd never addressed the issue of being sexually abused hence the undischarged post traumatic stress.
At one point, I decided to write to my brother and ask for an apology. I told my elders and they were 100% behind me, or so they said. We love you, we'll support you, they said. Well, they lied. I wrote to my brother. The first time I didn't sign it properly (typed it) it so he wrote back and asked if it was from me. I sent it again. No answer. Then all of a sudden my 'supportive elders' wouldn't talk to me. Wouldn't discuss it with me. Wouldn't even look at me. One ran away from me in the supermarket. Something had happened. My guess is the branch were involved. My brother is very well connected.
I had laid bare my soul to the elders and now they wouldn't even acknowledge my existence. It was then I knew for certain. This was not God's organization. There was no love, no compassion. At this point in my sessions I had began to accept I was a victim in all of this. That I was one of many victims that had been ignored by the WT. The psychology sessions gave me the strength to walk away.
All or nothing
When I started looking for a therapist I had no idea what to look for. I chose a 'psychologist' as opposed to a counselor because they are more qualified (that is, here in the UK - it may be different elsewhere) They have specific training into human behaviour and can use different techniques to helps you.
Now I had decided on a psychologist I googled for one in my area. I looked at a lot of profiles. I chose mine because she was a woman and felt more comfortable telling a woman about my past. The minute I saw her I felt at ease. I knew I'd chosen the one.
There are some therapists that specialise in cult behaviour you could also look for one of these.
What I will say is, please do it. It is the best thing I ever did. It's not an easy journey and some sessions you feel like giving up and some days you go one step forward and ten back, but stick with it. I can't stress that enough. It saved my life. It really did. Message me if I can help you in anyway.
Thank you for sharing! I'm in my mid sixties and just starting to live. Better late than never. Xoxo