Just curious. I went to the 3rd church that I've ever stepped foot into after leaving the borg 3 years ago. It was a Christian (non-demonational) church, and my friend from work (who knows my background) casually invited me to go to. So, I went. Service started at 8:30am. (Met up with my friend at 8:15am. Awfully eager, huh?! either that or stupidly punctual --that would be ME, not my friend.) As I was driving there I compared what time my old 'Sunday mtg' morning start time was. 9:30am, usually. Anyway, this one seemed a little early, but it was my fault that I was up late playing Texas Hold Em with my hubby and friends last night. So, I'm warmly greeted by my friend, and she introduces me to her friends. All very nice. Got a feeling that they were very friendly. Saw some guys checking me out, then seeing my wedding band and then looking away.. no big deal. So, the music starts at 8:30am, right on time and OMG!! There was a BAND on stage! There was a cello, some trumpets, horn, electric guitar, electric drums, a guy on the synthesizer. And it was LOUD too! Maybe a little too early in the morning for it.. but, they played well. (Note to self: don't drink too much red wine the night before you come to church again.)
So, as I'm standing there (in the front row, I might add) for the musical worship portion of the service.. I felt like a big idiot. Should I clap? I feel like a retard!! Am I supposed to sing? I just want to sit down and hear the service? Why do I have to sway or tap to the music? Am I not feeling it? Should I? Anyway, needless to say, I just stood there and timidly put my hands together as discretely as I could, while reading the words on the overhead giant screen projections. I kind of missed the quiet 'sing one song and sit down' kind of thing from the KH. I tried not to give myself too much grief about feeling weird. I was, afterall, in a new environment. I apologized to my friend who had invited me. I told her I was sorry for not participating in the musical worship thing.. I just felt strange. She was extremely nice about it and said she was just happy that I went. So, I felt comfortable. But not -- at the same time. And so I wondered, have others felt this weird experience? I remember when I was the semi-good witness (I was never a pioneer, and therefore never felt good-enough) I liked singing certain Kingdom Melodies. Sometimes it felt like I was really 'singing to God.' As in praising him? Does anyone have an experience of later feeling 'that' again? Your experiences would be helpful.
Candlestick